Receiving Grace
by clmzta83
Summary: Sequel to "Choosing Grace." Susan's story after losing her family in the train crash. Follow as she picks up the pieces of her past and learns to once again become a "friend of Narnia."
1. What Happened After the Accident

Susan sat at her vanity putting the finishing touches on her hair. It was cut short now, as was the style, and perfectly curled. She thought it was a rather revolting fashion, but had cut it anyway. She was Susan Pevensie after all. _Whoever that is now_, she thought bitterly. Glaring at her reflection, she noticed the bags under her eyes. They looked as if she had been in a fist fight and had lost. Badly. Her once glowing skin was now sallow and pale and no amount of rouge would brighten up her dull complexion. Sighing deeply, she picked up her tube of lipstick and twisted it open, revealing the soft pink color that she always wore. Lifting it to her lips, Jill's words echoed in her head,_ "All you care about now is lipstick and fashion and what parties you'll get invited to!"_ A small tear escaped from her eye as she applied her lipstick expertly, blotting away the excess. _"I'm sorry I don't want to pretend those silly games anymore! We're all grown ups now. We had a wonderful time playing as children, but really. I've put those childish games away," Susan had replied haughtily. "Susan, how could you forget? How do you not remember who you were? Who you _are_?" Edmund had asked, his dark brown eyes hurt at her dismissal of the world they had all loved once before._

_Had I loved it? _she wondered. Memories began to flood Susan's mind, pictures of handsome princes and faraway lands swirling through her head. They were soon replaced by those of war and fighting, snow and ice, a prince and a king. She closed her eyes, forcing herself to push those images out of her mind. Today was already hard enough for her without being reminded of some of the darker days of her existence. She opened her eyes and looked down at a small framed photograph sitting on her vanity. Taken sometime during the war, she saw four children smiling back at her. Sneering at it, she thought, _Was this the second or third time we were that age?_ Her anger over being taken away from Narnia, taken away from her home (_Twice! _her mind cried), had never quite left her. Instead, she had decided to push her memories as far back in her mind as was possible and focusing on her life in this world. In England. The home she knew she wouldn't be expelled from. Glancing back at the picture, her face softened and her eyes welled with tears. _What were they doing on that train? What foolishness were they doing this time in the name of Narnia? Does that place bring anyone anything but sorrow? _she thought, her tears finally escaping her.

"Susan dear? Are you ready?" a sad voice called from behind her bedroom door. Quickly wiping her tears with the back of her hand she called back, "Yes, Aunt Alberta! I'll be right down!" Standing, she gave one final stare in her vanity mirror, smoothing her black dress. Today would be the third funeral she had been to in the past two days. Today was the funeral of her three siblings and parents.

It had been just over eight years since the Susan and her siblings, Peter, Edmund and Lucy, had returned from Narnia. It had taken Susan only one to begin to pretend that Narnia was just a fantasy, a pretend place that she and her siblings had made up during a dull day at Professor Kirk's all those years ago. Sure, it had caused fights between her and her siblings. Many fights, in fact. But in Susan's mind she felt that it was better to have those fights than to entertain her memories of her times in Narnia. She had been happy there, yes. But so many things there had brought her sadness as well.

Edmund took Susan's denial of Narnia the hardest. The two had always been close, nearly as close as Peter and Lucy, but they had drifted apart as they grew older due to Susan claiming there was no such place as Narnia.

"_How do you not remember who you are?" Edmund yelled at his sister._

_"I'm Susan Pevensie, Edmund. The same Susan I've been for 17 years!" she cried back. _

_"You're Queen Susan of Narnia! Stop pretending you aren't! Stop pretending your country, your home, doesn't exist!" Edmund pounded his fist on the kitchen table where they had finished dinner. The siblings' parents had been out for the night, leaving the four to eat dinner by themselves. Peter, Edmund and Lucy took the opportunity to talk about Narnia, a pastime they rarely had an opportunity to enjoy, when Susan had dismissed their discussion and began clearing the table. Edmund had usually taken his sister's denials in stride, knowing how it grieved her to think about Narnia, but tonight he'd had enough. Lately he found himself longing for Narnia, for the woman he had left behind, the emotions he felt nearly overpowering his will to go on with his day to day activities. _

_Susan whirled around from her place at the sink where she had been rinsing the dishes. "My country? My home? What kind of home would take so much from us? Cause us so much pain? Think of all we've lost! How can you still love that world?" she yelled. _

_"Lost? What exactly have you lost?" Edmund cried, his voice cracking. _

_"Ed," Peter said warningly, attempting to reign in his brother's temper. _

_"No! Tell me Susan, what have you lost? Did you lose your fiancé? Did you lose the love of your life? What exactly has the great Susan Pevensie lost?" _

_"I've lost love too Edmund," Susan began but was cut off by her younger brother. _

_"I would hardly compare the mediocre love from an immature king and the desires of a selfish lout of a prince to what I lost, Susan." Edmund said scathingly, narrowing his eyes at his sister. The plate Susan had been drying fell from her hands at hearing his words, shattering when it hit the floor. _

_"Edmund!" Lucy cried springing from her seat at the table. Susan stared at her siblings, defeated, before placing the dishtowel she had been using on the counter and walking wordlessly out of the room. _

_"Too far, Ed," Peter said quietly as he moved to clean up the broken dish._

Susan sat alone in the now empty church. Empty save for the five coffins placed at the front of the room. Her eyes were red rimmed and wet from crying. She had managed to keep her emotions under control throughout the funeral, although it had been a struggle, but sitting there alone she let herself cry the tears she had been holding in. The priest's words had not touched her, had not moved her in the slightest. They were meaningless as she stared at her family during the funeral. The people surrounding her, her family and friends, all wept, some louder than others. Their noise was lost on Susan; she had stayed in her own bubble of grief throughout the ceremony. It was not until her Aunt Alberta had placed her hand on Susan's shoulder did she focus on the world around her.

Closing her eyes, Susan took deep breaths as she tried to calm herself. Uncrossing her legs, she stood and shakily walked to where her parents' and siblings' coffins were. After placing her hands on both her father's and her mother's she turned to her three siblings', tears silently flowing down her cheeks. _Where are they?_ she thought as she ran her hands over each of their coffins, first Peter's, then Lucy's and finally Edmund's. _Are they in Heaven? Or Aslan's Country?_

"How could you all leave me here? Alone?" she said softly, her voice tinged with fear. "What am I supposed to do without you? Who am I without you?"

"Ma'am?" called a voice. Susan looked up and saw the funeral director standing in the doorway, a sympathetic look on his face.

She quickly wiped her tears away and asked, "Yes?"

"We're about to move to the cemetery for the burial. Perhaps I can find a family member or friend for you to ride with?" he asked kindly.

"No, thank you," Susan said as she walked away from her family. "I can manage by myself."

She walked out of the sanctuary and exited the church. Her aunt and uncle were standing next to their car waiting for her. _Poor Aunt Alberta and Uncle Harold,_ Susan thought. They had not only lost her mother, who was Harold's sister, but their son Eustace as well in the train crash._ My cousin. I suppose I've lost him too,_ Susan thought sadly as she climbed into the backseat of the car.

When they arrived at the burial site, it had begun to rain, the drizzly sort that you feel foolish using an umbrella in but miserable if you don't. Susan glanced through the window and saw the dozens of funeral attendees standing around the gravesites, some carrying large black umbrellas as they huddled together to shield themselves out of the rain. _How appropriate the weather is for today,_ she thought. Stepping out of the car she opened her own umbrella and walked behind her aunt and uncle towards the grave sites. They stood in front of the crowd, closest to where her family would be put to rest.

Susan watched as her mother and father were lowered into their graves and the priest threw a handful of dirt onto both of the coffins. As Lucy was lowered, Susan's breath became shallow and tears began flowing down her cheeks.

"This isn't right," she whispered softly.

"Did you say something dear?" her uncle asked, turning his head slightly to her. Edmund was lowered next. Susan's hands began to shake as she grasped her umbrella tighter, her knuckles turning white.

"They can't do this. No!" she said, slightly louder.

"Susan?" Aunt Alberta asked, placing a hand gently on her shoulder.

When Peter's coffin was lifted to be lowered into the grave, Susan screamed, "No! Stop!" Startled, the preacher turned towards her.

"This isn't right!" she cried, dropping her umbrella and rushing forward.

"Susan, stop!" her uncle said as he tried to grab her back. Shaking out of his grasp she went to one of the men holding Peter's coffin.

"Don't you know who he is? He's High King of Narnia! He deserves a better funeral than this! They're kings and a queen! They can't be thrown into the ground in some old wooden box!" she cried hysterically.

"Ma'am, I-" the man said bewildered.

Susan turned to the preacher and grasped his hand, pleading, "Don't do this to them! This isn't right!"

"My child, this is the way it is," the preacher said softly, glancing up at the group of onlookers who had become suddenly still, staring at the hysterical young woman. Aunt Alberta and Uncle Harold hurried up to Susan, trying to pull her away so the burial could continue.

"Don't touch me!" Susan screamed. "I'm a Queen of Narnia! I'm supposed to be with them, there. Not here alone!" Her uncle grabbed her around the waist and pulled her away. Aunt Alberta followed behind crying, stammering her apologies to the crowd as she walked away.

_It was the night before they were to sail to Terebinthia to negotiate the engagement of Lucy to the Terebinthian prince. Susan lay in bed, unable to sleep. Although, not because she was not tired. She was, in fact, very tired as her day had been busy making preparations for their trip. She could not sleep because of all the noise Lucy was making in the adjoining bedroom. Lucy had been excited for days, hardly able to sit still for longer than ten minutes, much to Susan's annoyance. Tonight she was exceptionally excited. Lucy had hardly eaten dinner, only taking small bites before finally announcing she was finished and hurrying out of the room. She currently was in the process of deciding what she would wear when they made port in Terebinthia. Susan could hear her sister's wardrobe doors opening and closing, drawers slamming, and noises of frustration coming from the other room. Finally unable to stand it anymore, Susan yelled, "Lucy! Go to bed, now!" _

_Moments later, the door which connected her room to Lucy's swung open, an upset Lucy standing in its door. "I haven't anything to wear!" she wailed. She was wearing a linen shift, meant to be worn as underclothes, and her crown, a purple dress dangling from her hand. _

_"Just wear what you have on. I'm sure your prince will love that," Susan said sarcastically._

_Lucy rolled her eyes at her sister and said, "Be serious Susan. I'm having a crisis here!" _

_Sighing, Susan said, "You can wear my blue dress with the silver ribbons. It'll look good with your hair. Now go to bed!" _

_"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Lucy cried as she spun and went back to her room, shutting the door behind her. _Finally_, Susan thought as she closed her eyes and waited for sleep to overtake her._

_Hours later, Susan awoke with a start having heard a soft creak in her room. Sitting up straight, she glanced about the room, looking to see what could have made the noise. She saw a dark shadow moving and gasped, her heart racing as she called out, "Who's there?" _

_"Don't be afraid," a deep voice came as the figure moved from the shadows._

_"Aslan," Susan breathed seeing the great golden lion before her. _

_"Yes. I have come to tell you that this will be your last night here in Narnia," Aslan said gently. Susan gripped her sheets in a panic. _

_"But why? What's going to happen to us?" she cried. _

_"Dear one, your adventure is not set to end here in Narnia. You have another life to lead, one with purpose and meaning. You all do. There is no more for you now, any of you, in Narnia," Aslan explained._

_"Will we come back? Like last time?" Susan asked hopefully. _

_The Lion shook his mane and said, "No, you will not enter Narnia again in your lifetime. Neither will your brother Peter. You have both learned all you can from here and must now take that knowledge to your own time." _

_"But why? I don't understand! Help me to, please," Susan pleaded, tears welling in her eyes. _

_"I have a greater purpose for you all, at a different time and place. If you remain here, your time will end in Narnia and that purpose will not be fulfilled," Aslan said. _

_"What will the others think? How can you do this to us?" Susan asked, her voice tinged with anger. _

_"Child, you must not tell the others. They will know their fate when the time is right. You must trust in me, as I trust in you. Do not lose faith that I will continue to watch over you and love you," Aslan said gently, as he began to fade. Susan stared at the spot where Aslan stood, watching as he slowly faded away. Her control slipped when he was fully gone, hot angry tears falling down her face. _

_"Not now. Not again!" she whispered angrily._

Susan entered her house and shut the door behind her, leaning on it as she closed her eyes. It had been all she could do to convince her aunt and uncle that she needed to be alone. They had insisted she stay with them for a while, especially after her "episode" (as Aunt Alberta called it) at the burial. Susan had argued that she was fine now and needed to be alone for a while. After an intense discussion and promises made by Susan to call every hour to check in, they had relented and agreed that she could stay alone.

"As though I needed their permission," Susan grumbled as she opened her eyes. "I am 21 now, not a little girl." She pushed herself from the door and walked into the small living room. Only a few days ago her parents were sitting in their chairs, laughing at a joke Edmund told. Smiling over Lucy's exploits at school. Reading a letter from Peter who was at University. Or listening to her as she spoke of one of the many clubs and societies she belonged to. Susan walked to a high backed wing chair in the room and placed her hand on it. It had been this chair she had been sitting in when her mother had last spoken to her.

_"We'll be going to Bristol at the end of the week for a few days. You'll be okay while we're gone, won't you dear?" _

_"Of course. I have a few meetings to go to anyway, so I'll have something to entertain myself with," Susan said smiling at her mother. _

_"Good girl," her mother said, leaning down to kiss her cheek as she walked out of the room. "Oh by the way," her mother began, turning back towards Susan from the doorway. "Peter will be coming home tomorrow!" _

_"I know. He wrote to me last week and told me he would be," Susan said, slightly cross as she remembered her brother's letter. He had told her they were all going to Professor Kirk's to talk about Narnia and wanted her to come. _

_"He and Edmund and Lucy are having a get together of sorts. I think you should join them; it will be good for you," her mother said gently. She often worried over Susan's standoffishness towards her siblings and was constantly encouraging Susan to join them in whatever they were doing. _

_"Maybe, but I will be rather busy. I'll try to spend some time with them, maybe when it's just the four of us," Susan bargained, knowing deep down she would try very little. Her mother seemed placated and turned to leave the room, leaving Susan to sigh and slump in her chair. _

Susan was now in the same position, slumped in the chair, as she recalled what had been so important that she couldn't have joined her siblings that day. "Some silly meeting about some silly charity that means nothing now," she muttered. She sat for what felt like hours, her anger growing deep inside her as the minutes ticked away. "This is ridiculous!" she cried, standing quickly._ I should just go to bed,_ she thought. Walking around the downstairs, she turned off the lights and checked the locks on the doors and windows, a task she had done nearly every night for the past year.

Once she had finished she climbed the stairs to go to her bedroom. The one she shared with her sister. _Had shared_, she thought sadly as she opened the door. Lucy's bed still sat unmade, a mess of sheets and covers. _Blue_, she thought, noticing Lucy's deep blue bedspread and light blue sheets. _She had always liked blue._ "And we buried her in green," Susan said, her voice a near whimper. She walked to her sister's bed and sat, picking up her pillow and hugging it close to her. The pillow still smelled like Lucy, a mixture of her favorite shampoo and the sweet perfume she had only just begun wearing. Susan buried her head in the pillow, allowing the walls she had built around her to come down as she cried deeply.


	2. Susan Finds a Friend

**AN: Just FYI... if you HAVEN'T read "Choosing Grace," which is the prequel to this story, I would suggest you stop reading this immediately and go read "Choosing Grace" first. This chapter (and probably the first and all further chapters) will mean so much more if you do!**

_Stepping out of a small dress store, Susan walked happily down the street, a spring in her step. She had just purchased a new dress, a pale pink creation of satin and chiffon, for the Clayworths' party at the end of the week. The older couple were the head of the Art Guild and were having a charity fundraiser party._ Only the most exclusive event of the season!_ Susan thought excitedly. She had been ecstatic when her invitation had come in the mail and had talked non-stop about the event for weeks. Susan had become friends with Charity, the appropriately named daughter of the Clayworths, over the past several months and was happy that her new friendship was beginning to pay off. _

_The wailing of sirens shook Susan out of her happy reverie as she stopped at the street corner, waiting to cross. She looked up and saw several fire engines and ambulances race down the street, crowds of people forming just ahead. Hurrying towards them to find out what was happening, she realized where she was. Just ahead was the train station. When she reached the crowd, she tapped a man standing in front of her on the shoulder. When he turned, she asked, "What's happened here?" _

_"Haven't you heard? There was a train accident! One of the engines took a turn too fast and came off the tracks," he explained, seeming to be excited over the accident. _

_"Which train was it?" Susan asked, her heart racing wildly as she tried to remember which train her brothers were waiting on._ Which one Mother and Father are on too!_ she thought. "Train 6 I believe," the man said, simultaneously as Susan remembered the train number. _

_"Oh no!" she whispered, her bag dropping to the ground._

"Susan!" a voice called, shaking Susan out of her thoughts.

"Hm?" she asked dazedly.

"What is with you tonight?" Charity Clayworth asked, annoyed with her friend.

"Sorry, just day dreaming I suppose," Susan laughed nervously.

"Well stop it and pay attention to the party!" Charity hissed as she waved to a person across the room.

"Sorry, sorry," Susan muttered as she picked up a glass of champagne from the passing tray a waiter was carrying. Months had passed since the funerals and it was now Christmastime. It had taken a while, but Susan had finally gotten back into her old routine of attending meetings, going to parties, and filling her life with all the things she loved. Or had loved. After losing her family, she found that she no longer cared about which parties she was invited to, even though she was invited to them all. She no longer cared for the superficial charities and societies she had once belonged to, finding them to be a waste of time and quite meaningless. The simple pleasures she had once taken joy in now held no happiness for her and she found them mostly tedious and pointless. Tonight's party was no exception. She was attending the Clayworths' annual Christmas party and was exceedingly bored. Plastering on a smile, she began mingling, waving at her friends she had not seen in ages, making small talk about the weather, and sharing a dance or two with the few men in her circle she found to be the least repulsive. _Was it this hard in Narnia?_ she thought as she smiled politely over a rather dull story she was being told. _No_, she inwardly sighed. _Our parties were wonderful. _

_"May I have this dance?" a melodious voice came from behind her. Susan turned and saw a pair of deep shining eyes staring at her. As she focused on the face they were on, she smiled warmly. _Caspian_, she sighed silently. "You may," Susan said, placing her hand in Caspian's outstretched one. _Don't trip, don't trip, don't trip!_ her mind screamed as she focused on walking gracefully onto the floor with him. As they danced, Susan searched her mind for something to say, but everything she thought of sounded ridiculous. _

_"Are you having a nice time tonight?" Caspian asked, breaking their silence. Susan nodded. _

_"I am. I think this is one of the best birthday parties we've thrown yet!" she said, a little over enthusiastically. Caspian didn't seem to notice as he smiled and nodded in agreement. They were celebrating his 18th birthday tonight and guests from all over had arrived to celebrate their newest king. _

_"I am a bit worried about Edmund though," Caspian said, a sly grin on his face. Susan's heart nearly stopped as she looked to his handsome face. _Focus Susan, focus_, she mentally scolded herself. "Edmund? Why?" she asked worriedly. _

_"I think he's had a bit too much wine. Last time I saw him he was leading Lord Dalma's son out into the garden, swaying pretty badly," Caspian snickered._

_"Why would he-" Susan began, but was cut off quickly as a cry came from the back of the room. Caspian and Susan both turned quickly towards the cry, just in time to see the crowd part as a dirty tunic floated in the room. "What in the world?" Caspian said, his voice edged with anger. More cries went out as the tunic floated further in the room. Susan noticed that it seemed to not quite float, but looked as though something was inside of it, flapping the sleeves to make it fly.  
_

_"A bird!" she said. _

_"What?" Caspian asked, turning towards her._

_"There's a bird in that tunic! That's why it's floating!" she laughed. _

_"Aslan's mane!" Caspian growled, marching towards the floating tunic. He reached up and pulled it down, an angry squawk coming from inside. Caspian pulled the bird out (which turned out to be a normal bird, not a Talking Bird) and let it go, its wings flapping frantically as it flew out of the room. _

_"That's my son's!" a man cried as he rushed towards Caspian. He handed Lord Dalma the tunic so that he could inspect it. Caspian turned to Susan, who's face had turned white at hearing Lord Dalma's cry. Caspian mouthed "Edmund" and motioned with his head towards the door leading to the gardens. _

_"Where is he?" Lord Dalma said loudly, frantically glancing about the room in search of his son. "I believe he went to the gardens, my Lord Dalma," Caspian said, placing a hand on Lord Dalma's shoulder. The two men and Susan walked to the gardens, followed closely by many of the other guests who were anxious to find out what had happened to the boy. When they reached the gardens, what they saw made them suddenly stop in fear. Susan cried out and grasped Caspian's arm in shock. In the middle of the garden was the head of a young boy. _

_"My son!" Lord Dalma yelled, frozen in his spot. Several people behind them screamed as they saw the head, a lady fainting away in the arms of her husband. Suddenly, the head's eyes popped open and it smiled at them. "Hello, Father!" it called cheerfully. "Lovely night for a sit in the garden, isn't it?" _

_"What in the name of Aslan is this?" Lord Dalma roared, striding to his son's head. Bending down, he caught his son by the scruff of the neck (as best as he could with it still being slightly buried) and pulled, yanking him out of the loosely packed dirt. "Ow Father! That hurts!" the boy cried. _

_"You just wait until I get you inside," his father growled as he pulled his son towards Caspian and Susan. "Apologize to the king and queen for your blatant disregard for their gracious hospitality!" he ordered. The boy muttered his apologies, his face flaming. _

_Feeling sorry for him, Susan placed her hand on his shoulder and said softly, "We forgive you. But you must not ever play such nasty tricks again on your poor father. I believe a hot bath and a good night's rest are in order for you." Thanking her for her kindness, Lord Dalma bowed to Caspian and Susan before dragging his son away from the garden. As the crowd began to disperse, Susan heard quiet chuckling from behind a nearby bush. _

_"What in the world?" she said, repeating Caspian's words, as she walked towards the bushes. Parting them, she saw Edmund, laying on his back, his chest shaking from laughter. Turning his head, he said, "Oh, hey Su! What brings you out here? Lovely night for a sit in the garden, isn't it?" _

_"Edmund Pevensie!" Susan screamed at her brother, seeing a dirty shovel laying next to him. "You're responsible for this? How could you?" Caspian came up behind Susan and saw the drunken king laying on the ground, a stupid smile on his face._

_"Really Edmund," Caspian said, shaking his head. "That was a pretty dirty trick to play. I'm sure Peter won't be too pleased when he finds out about this." _

_"Oh, who cares about High King Peter anyway?" Edmund scoffed, his words slurring. _

_"I suspect you should, you rotten lout!" Peter yelled from behind Susan and Caspian, pushing past them as he reached down and yanked his brother up. As Peter dragged a drunk Edmund away, Caspian let out a low chuckle. _

_"He's going to regret that in the morning," he said._

_"Which one?" Susan smirked, knowing the next week would be filled with vicious arguments between the two brothers. _

_Caspian let out a bark of laughter and agreed, "Good point."_

Susan smiled, remembering those happy days she had spent in Narnia. She glanced about the room, taking in the guests who were engaged in mindless discussions, and sighed slightly. _If only Ed were here. He would lighten this place up_, she thought, a sad smile appearing on her face.

"Pretty rotten party, isn't it?" a deep voice asked from behind her. Startled, Susan spun quickly to see a man standing next to her. He was taller than she was, but only slightly (_But most men are only slightly taller than me,_ Susan thought smugly, pleased with her height), with dark brown hair and a kind smile. He looked mostly ordinary, in a nice way, but his eyes were what immediately caught Susan's attention. They were neither blue nor green, but a wonderful mixture of the two. _Nearly the color of the great Narnian sea_, Susan thought.

She smiled politely and answered, "I don't know. I think it's alright." The man chuckled and winked at her.

"Sure, if you're eighty or enjoy discussing the wonderful London weather," he teased.

"Alright. It's pretty rotten," Susan laughed. The man joined in her laughter and when it had died down, he held out his hand and said, "I'm Robert St. James." Susan shook his outstretched hand and said, "Susan Pevensie."

"Pevensie, huh? I think I've heard about you," Robert said, smirking at Susan.

"Is that so?" Susan asked nervously.

"Yes. I overheard a chap named Marcus, I believe, commenting on how lovely you look this evening," Robert said.

"Oh Marcus! He's a disgusting little pig," Susan laughed, Robert joining in with her.

Charity came up behind Susan and grasped her elbow. Giving Robert a polite smile she asked, "May I steal Susan for just a moment?" Without waiting for a reply, she pulled Susan away from where she had been standing and into a corner, out of earshot.

"Well that was rude," Susan began but was interrupted by Charity.

"I cannot believe you were talking to Robert St. James," she spat dramatically.

"He seems nice enough to me," Susan said, a touch of defensiveness in her voice.

"Oh he is, I suppose," Charity began as she dropped her voice to a whisper. Susan knew what that meant: Charity was about to begin one of her notorious gossip sessions, a trait Susan had found to be increasingly aggravating in her friend.

"Well then what's wrong with him?" Susan asked, knowing she was only feeding the fire already lit in her friend.

"He's just not the right sort of people you want to associate with. My parents only invited him and his parents tonight out of kindness; they used to be part of our circle before the war, but his father made some bad, and suspicious, investments during the war and they all went belly up. Lost all their money. Very questionable business, apparently," Charity whispered. Susan glanced at where Robert stood. He seemed at ease at the party and to be enjoying himself, but as she stared harder, she began to notice a hardness around his eyes, which periodically glanced at his wrist as though he were checking his watch. "Oh look! Marcus is here!" Charity squealed quietly as she hurried off.

Sighing, Susan moved to a nearby chair and sat, crossing her legs and taking a sip of her champagne. In all her years of attending these parties, she had not grown accustomed to the fizzy drink her friends all enjoyed. She mainly took a glass to give her hands something to do, but often forgot about sipping it, which caused it to turn warm and flat. _Which it definitely is now_, she thought, making a slight face towards the glass.

"Is something wrong with your drink?" came a chuckle from next to her. Looking up, she saw Robert had moved next to her. Susan smiled and said, "It's gotten a little flat. I suppose I've held on to it too long."

"Can I get you another one?" he asked, glancing around in search of a passing waiter.

"No, no," Susan said. "I think I've had one too many anyway."

"Oh? How many have you had?" Robert asked, smiling down at her. "Well, including this one…" Susan's trailed off as she pretended to think, a sly smile appearing on her face. "I believe a grand total of one."

Robert barked with laughter and said, "You're alright, Miss Pevensie."

"Please, call me Susan," she said softly.

"Alright, Susan it is," Robert agreed, a wide smile on his face.

* * *

Christmas came and went, leaving a cold, wet winter in its place. That particular Christmas was especially hard for Susan, as it was the first she spent alone. Aunt Alberta had pleaded with Susan to spend Christmas Day with her and Uncle Harold, saying they needed to spend the day with the family who had been closest to Eustace (they did not understand Susan had possibly been the least closest to her cousin) and had worried she spent entirely too much time alone in her family's large house. Susan had declined, stating she just wanted to sleep late and have a quiet day at home since the weeks previous had been full of the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. She actually had hoped to spend the day reminiscing about Christmases past that she had spent with her family, both in England and in Narnia. She recalled her first Christmas in Narnia when she had met Father Christmas. _Or at least I think it was Christmas. Now that I think about it, I'm not even sure if it was December,_ she thought, smiling. There had been many other lovely Christmases, filled with parties and feasts, much like those she attended now. _Although, I was happier during those parties and feasts. Now I just feel bored. _

She also remembered the holidays she had spent at home in England, with her parents who always tried to make the day special, even if there was a war going on. Those Christmases after their second return from Narnia had always been tense for Susan, as she found not being in Narnia at Christmas made her sadder. She kept her feelings from her siblings however, not wanting to them to know how she truly felt about Narnia. Every year Lucy would ask, _"Remember when we got our gifts? Oh, how I wish we could have brought them with us as souvenirs!"_ Peter would agree and Edmund would remark how great it would have been to have had Lucy's cordial for whatever scrape or injury he currently had, while Susan would roll her eyes and claim that there was no such need for nonsense. Except for the one year when she accidentally said, _"What good would it do to have them here? It's not as though Peter can walk around with a sword and a shield and I with my bow and arrows." _The argument that ensued after her slip of the tongue was so terrible that Susan had managed to block it out of her memories forever.

Susan had also planned on visiting her family's graves on Christmas Day and wanted to do so alone. She knew that if her aunt and uncle went with her, she would be unable to say the things she had needed to say. Wanting to take some type of flowers with her, she visited the local florist the day before on Christmas Eve, hoping that he would have a few moments to spare so she could purchase some flowers. She unfortunately was met with a long line of Christmas shoppers when she reached the florist's shop. Sighing, she took her place at the end of the line, slightly shivering from the cold which came in from the open shop door. The line moved at a snail's pace and Susan became bored as she waited. Glancing around the room, she noticed the bright, cheery displays of Christmas flowers and wreaths hanging from every inch of the walls. Her mind immediately thought of how much Lucy would have enjoyed them and decided that she would get a special wreath for her sister.

A tap on her shoulder brought her out of her thoughts and she turned to see Robert St. James standing behind her. "I thought that was you! I saw you from outside and thought I would come say hello," he said cheerfully.

"It's good to see you again," Susan said, smiling at him.

"Buying flowers for someone special?" Robert teased as the line inched forward. A woman passed them carrying an enormous bouquet of red flowers. "My family," Susan said softly as she turned to glance towards the front of the line, only ten more people in front of her.

"Well that's nice of you. I bet they'll like that," he said.

"I suppose they'll have no opinion of them," Susan said sarcastically, her emotions flaring at discussing her family.

"Oh? Why is that? Not the flower sort of bunch?" Robert asked, his voice cautiously teasing. Susan turned towards him, a strange look on her face and said quietly, "No. They're dead." Robert was silent, unsure of how to respond to her statement. Susan continued after a few moments of silence, "I'm going to take flowers to their graves tomorrow. It's the least I can do for them now."

"I see," Robert said softly. "How did they..." he trailed off.

"Train wreck. My parents and sister were on the train and my brothers were waiting for it when the engine lost control. I was told they died instantly. No pain," Susan said, struggling to keep herself together as she talked about her family's deaths. "I'm very sorry," Robert said, placing a hand on Susan's shoulder. Susan nodded slightly, moving forward as the line crept another inch.

* * *

Susan stepped out of the taxi, her arms loaded down with flowers. Around her right arm she wore a brightly colored Christmas wreath, one she knew Lucy would have loved. Turning to the driver, whose passenger window was rolled down, she asked, "How much do I owe you?" The man looked at her sympathetically and shook his head.

"No charge, miss. A young gal like you with so many people to visit here doesn't need to be paying for a trip like this. Merry Christmas!" he said, waving kindly at Susan. Her eyes filled with tears as she nodded her thanks to him and turned, shutting the taxi door behind her. She stepped forward and stopped, gasping quickly. Robert was standing at the gates of the cemetery where her family was buried, leaning against one of the stone walls that surrounded it.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, her emotions a mixture of crossness and surprise. Robert shrugged and pushed himself off the wall. "I don't know. I just thought you could use a friend today," he said, taking some of Susan's flowers out of her arms.

"Thank you," she said, glad of his help. Her arms were killing her from the weight of the flowers. "And you're right. A friend is what I need today. Although," she added hesitantly.

"Yes?" Robert asked, concerned.

"If you don't mind, when we get to their graves, could I- could I have some time alone?"

"Of course!" Robert said. "You don't even need to ask. I'll let you have as much time as you need."

"Thank you," Susan said again, her eyes filling again with tears. Robert seemed to not notice (and if he did he was kind enough to not comment on it) and followed her as she led him through the cemetery gates and through the maze of graves until they reached the Pevensies.

Susan placed the largest of the bouquet next to her parents' headstone, silently staring at the words. She was unsure of what to do, whether she should say something or remain silent. Taking a deep breath, she turned towards Robert and asked, "Could I?"

"Sure, of course. I'll just be over there. Let me know if you need me or when you're ready to leave," he said, handing her the remaining flowers he still held. Susan gave him a small smile and watched as he turned to leave. When he was a good distance away, she turned to her siblings' graves and sighed. "Well, Merry Christmas," she said quietly. "Lucy, I thought you might like this. I know how much you liked colors at Christmas." She placed the wreath on Lucy's headstone, smiling at the cheer it brought to the dreary gray marble. On her each of brothers' graves she placed a small bouquet of red flowers, a bright stain on the cold grass that had started to grow over their graves.

"Edmund, I know you lost so much coming back here. I envy your faith in Narnia. I wish I could have been more like you," she whispered, hoping that somehow her younger brother could hear her words. "The only comfort I can find is that Georgiana lived and died in Narnia and is with you in Aslan's Country, if that's where you three now are." Turning to Peter's grave, she read the words on the headstone.

"Peter Pevensie," it read. "Born 1927, Died 1949. Beloved son and brother."

"Those words do you no justice. You're so much more than a son and brother. You're a true king. I've always thought that of you, even before we first went to Narnia," she said to her brother, her words barely understandable through her tears. Stepping back away from the graves, Susan took deep breaths to control her crying.

"I miss you all more than I can say. Life isn't the same without you here. You three were always so much better than I was, loving Narnia and Aslan more than I ever could." Sighing deeply, she turned and saw Robert standing several yards away, staring at her.

"I'm ready," she called to him. Nodding, he turned to walk towards her and the two left the cemetery in silence.

* * *

_Susan tossed in her bunk, unable to sleep during the storm. Looking over at her sister, she narrowed her eyes as she saw Lucy deep asleep, an arm flung over her head. A jolt suddenly shook the cabin, causing Lucy to fall out of her bunk onto the floor. Waking with a start, Lucy cried, "What's happened?" Susan, who had managed to quickly grab onto the side of her bunk, steadied herself and climbed onto the cabin floor, holding onto her bunk so she would not fall from the rocking of the ship. _

_"The storm has gotten worse," Susan said, leaning down to offer her sister a hand. Pulling herself up, Lucy grabbed onto Susan's bunk as well. _

_"Where are Peter and Edmund?" she said, her voice still thick with sleep. _

_"They're up top helping. It's all hands on deck. With the exception of us, that is," Susan explained. _

_"Where's Laira?" Lucy asked, noticing the empty bunk beneath her's. _

_"You know her. She's been attached to the chamber pot for hours, sick from the storm," Susan said, rolling her eyes slightly. Laira had been sick most of the trip, much to all of their annoyance (including Peter). _"It looks like you two won't be joining G and me on our wonderful trips in the future," _Edmund had joked, slapping his brother on the back. _"Just as well, I guess. With you two gone, Laira and I will have plenty of alone time,"_ Peter had shot back. _"Well, while that's all fine and good, I wager 'alone time' at sea is much more exciting than in some stuffy old castle,"_ Edmund had chuckled before Peter had stomped away, annoyed with his younger brother._

_The ship rocked violently again, a moan coming from the adjoining room as it moved. "Should we go check on her?" Lucy asked nervously. _

_"Go right ahead," Susan said, holding out her arm towards the door. _

_"I think she'll be fine," Lucy said after hearing another loud moan come from the room. _

_"I'm going up. I can't stand being down here any longer," Susan said after a third jolt shook them. The storm began to bring back memories of her visit from Aslan the night before they sailed from Narnia, making her fearful that this was what the Lion had been talking of.  
_

_"Susan, you can't!" Lucy cried, grabbing her sister's arm. _

_"You stay here, I'll be right back. I promise," Susan assured her. She jerked open the door leading to the deck and was instantly drenched from the storm. Stepping into the wild rain, she slammed the door behind her, shielding her eyes as she searched for her brothers. _

_"Do you honestly think I'm going to let you go out here alone?" cried a voice from behind her. _

_"Lucy! I told you to stay below!" Susan screamed as she spun towards her sister, her voice barely carrying over the loud wind. _

_"I'm not going to sit by while my sister nearly gets herself killed!" Lucy yelled back, linking her arm with Susan's. _

_"Come on then!" Susan yelled, exasperated with her sister. The two women stumbled across the deck until Lucy cried, "There they are!" Susan looked to where she was pointing and saw her brothers trying to secure a loose sail. "Better let it go, your Majesties!" one of the crew members yelled at Peter and Edmund. As they let the sail flap in the storm, Edmund turned and saw his sisters._

_"Susan! Lucy!" he yelled, Peter turning quickly at hearing his brother's words. _

_"What are you two doing up here? Go below! Now!" Peter bellowed as he stormed to his sisters. Edmund was not far behind, his face equally as dark and angry as his brother's. _

_"No!" Susan yelled back. _

_"That is an order from the High King, Susan. Go below!" Peter yelled, grabbing his sister by the arm. _

_"What difference does it make now?" Susan cried. _

_"What?" Peter asked loudly, confused by his sister's question. _

_"This is it for us Peter! Can't you see that? Would you send us to be separated?" Susan screamed hysterically, tears beginning to flow down her face. Growling in frustration, Peter turned to Edmund and yelled, "Get Lucy! We need to get below!" Edmund grabbed Lucy's arm and began pulling her towards the cabin. _

_"Susan, let's go!" Peter yelled. Susan had planted her feet and refused to move. She looked up at the stormy sky and saw a tiny break in the storm, the stars shining brightly through it. "Why?" she screamed at the clearing. "Why would you do this to us? Why are you ending us like this?" _

_"Susan, now!" Peter bellowed as he wrapped his arms around his sister, who struggled against him. _

_"Look out!" Edmund cried as a giant wave crashed into the four, knocking them down and over the side of the ship._

Susan awoke quickly and found her face pressed against a pane of glass. Outside the world whirled by quickly, almost too fast for her to focus on any one object. _I'm in a car,_ she thought as her mind began to clear. Sitting up, she glanced over at the driver.

"Awake now?" Robert asked, smiling at her.

"Sorry," Susan said, blushing slightly. "I don't normally fall asleep like that."

Robert chuckled and said, "It's okay. You've been pretty interesting to watch."

"What? How?" Susan asked startled.

"You talk in your sleep. You kept saying "No" and "The storm" over and over," he explained before turning a curious eye on Susan. "What were you dreaming about? It sounded thrilling!" Susan laughed quietly and said, "I suppose 'thrilling' is a good way to put it. But I don't remember much of it, to be honest."

Robert gave her a small smile and turned back to the road. He had offered to drive Susan back to her house after their visit to the cemetery and was almost near where she lived. When he pulled up next to her house, he turned off the engine and opened his door to get out. Walking around to Susan's side, he opened her door for her, offering her his hand as she stepped out of the car.

"Thank you," Susan said softly as she stared up at her lonely house.

"May I walk you to your door?" Robert asked politely.

"I-I think I should walk myself," Susan said nervously, unsure of what it could mean if she allowed Robert walk her inside. He smiled, understanding her hesitation.

"It sure is a big house for one person," he mentioned as he stared up at her house.

"Well, only a few months ago it was for six," Susan said shortly. Robert turned to her, horrified at what he said and quickly apologized.

"I only meant-" he began, but was cut off by Susan's raised hand.

"It's alright, I know what you meant.," she said. Turning back to stare at her house, she added, "I mean to sell it, but I feel like by doing that I would just be destroying yet another family member."

"Destroying? Susan, you didn't destroy your family," Robert said firmly.

Susan turned to him, her eyes glistening with tears, and said, "Didn't I? Goodnight. Thank you again for today." She turned and walked quickly inside, shutting the door behind her and leaving a very confused Robert standing on the sidewalk.


	3. How a Moment Changed Everything

_Forty-seven, forty-eight, forty-nine... _Susan thought, counting the decorative tiles that bordered the room. She was sitting in the elaborately decorated living room of Ms. Wyndham-Price, the hostess for the month's Charity League meeting. They were discussing ribbonless orphans in France or raising money for repairs to the library roof. They could have been discussing the tragic melting of popsicles at the beach for all Susan knew. She had not paid a second of attention since she had finished her scone and bland tea Ms. Wyndham-Price had served.

_Sixty-three, sixty-four, sixty-five…_

"Susan!" Charity hissed, elbowing Susan's arm.

"What?" Susan said, rather loudly from being startled out of her counting.

"Miss Pevensie?" Ms. Wyndham-Price asked, confused by Susan's outburst.

"Yes. I'm sorry. What were you saying?" Susan stammered, her cheeks turning pink as she realized the entire room was staring at her.

"I was just commenting on how wonderful Mrs. Stanton's idea was for raising funds for the shoeless orphans (_Shoeless! Not ribbonless!_ Susan thought, mentally rolling her eyes at her mistake) in France," Ms. Wyndham-Price said, smiling at an older woman seated near the front of the room.

"Lovely," Susan murmured politely.

The meeting continued and Susan made an effort to appear to be paying attention, however difficult it was. It seemed an eternity later when Ms. Wyndham-Price announced the meeting was over, thanking the women for their attendance. As Susan stood to gather her things to leave, Charity grabbed her arm and asked, "What is with you lately? This is the third time you've dazed off this week!"

Sighing deeply in annoyance, Susan apologized, "I know, I know. I'm sorry. I've just not been sleeping well lately." Her excuse, which wasn't the exact reason for her dazing off, was true; over the past month her sleeping habits had gone from bad to worse. She tossed and turned throughout the night, unable to sleep some nights and waking frequently during others. Her dreams were vivid, haunting her nights, as scenes from her time in Narnia flickered in and out of her mind. Occasionally she would wake, crying over those dreams as a sense of longing overtook her. On those nights she would get up from her bed (which was her parents' old bed that she now slept in) and crawl into her sister's bed, feeling as though a gentle breeze blew her thoughts away. It was only then that she slept dreamlessly and finally at peace. It occurred to her on numerous occasions to always sleep in Lucy's bed, but on the nights that she attempted to do so, she found her emotions overwhelmed her and she became just as sleepless as ever.

"Susan, I know you're still dealing with the death of your family, but it's been almost a year. Don't you think it's time you started to move on?" Charity offered, her voice tinged with a false comfort.

Susan smiled tightly and said, "Perhaps you're right."

"Maybe you need a distraction!" Charity exclaimed. "Look at this!" She held up her left hand, a large diamond sparkling on her ring finger. Susan's eyes widened as she forced an excited smile for her friend.

"It's lovely," she said.

"Isn't it? Marcus does have wonderful taste, if I do say so myself! He did choose me, after all," Charity giggled as she twisted her hand so her ring could sparkle in the light.

_Edmund walked into the Great Hall and saw his older sister standing next to the dais where their thrones sat, staring strangly at hers, a bolt of fabric forgotten in her hand. "Something wrong Su?" Edmund called. Susan jumped and turned, her hand lifting to her heart. _

_"You scared me, Edmund! What are you doing sneaking up on me like that?" she scolded. Edmund rolled his eyes as he approached his sister. _

_"I didn't sneak up on you. I actually walked rather loudly into the room. You were just too engrossed in your throne to notice anything," he explained sarcastically. _

_"Where's Georgiana? She was supposed to be here an hour ago," Susan asked, quickly changing the subject. _

_"She's still meeting with the Council for all I know. I haven't seen her since early this morning when she went into their chambers," Edmund said, a wistful look on his face. _

_"Well, can you go find her? This ceremony won't plan itself and Lucy's already off doing who knows what," Susan sighed. _

_"Sure, I will. But I wanted to talk to you about something first," Edmund said, grasping his sister's elbow and leading her to the steps of the dais. "Let's sit," he said as he sat on the top step. Cocking an eyebrow at her brother, Susan did the same. "You aren't okay with Caspian being engaged," Edmund stated matter-of-factly. _

_"Ed, I do _not_ want to talk about that right now. I have enough going on without thinking of it," Susan said angrily as she started to rise. _

_"Su, wait!" Edmund said forcefully, placing his hand on Susan's shoulder to prevent her from standing. Susan glared at her brother but remained seated, waiting for him to continue. "This isn't like last time, you know. With Rabadash. Caspian didn't do this to hurt you and feels pretty lousy that he did. The whole trip back he was ridiculously impossible to deal with. Caspian's a good man who, to be quite honest, got tired of waiting," Edmund said, hesitantly saying his last sentence. _

_"So now this is my fault?" Susan cried, jumping up. _

_"I didn't say that," Edmund began. _

_"I did what everyone told me to do! I kept my feelings from him! I maintained the dignity that came with being a Queen of Narnia!" Susan exclaimed. _

_"I know, I know. Calm down Susan. I didn't mean this was your fault," Edmund said soothingly as he stood up. "Caspian mentioned several times during the voyage that he thought your feelings for him had changed. Even Lucy and I have noticed that you haven't been the same around him lately. You stopped looking at him with those doe eyes a long time ago and have started acting more like yourself around him. Caspian's like Peter, a man of action. I think he just got tired of waiting for you to figure out your feelings and I think that if you had felt strongly enough about him, you would have told him by now." _

_"Oh, Edmund," Susan wailed as she threw her arms around her brother. "Why do I have such terrible luck with love?" Edmund chuckled slightly at his sister's dramatic question and patted her back comfortingly. _

_"Because you pick such idiots to fall in love with," he laughed, Susan pulling back and joining in with his laughter. _

_"Well, fortunately for you, you don't. So go find Georgiana before she meets the son of a star and falls madly in love with him," Susan joked, wiping her tears from her face. Edmund made a sour face at his sister and turned to leave, shaking his head slightly. "Oh, and tell her to hurry up and come help me! This is _her_ party after all!" Susan called after him, receiving a wave from Edmund as he shut the Great Hall's door behind him._

Later that afternoon Susan sat in a small coffee shop, a cup of coffee sitting in front of her, forgotten, as she waited for Robert to meet her. She and Robert had become fast friends over the past several months since that Christmas at the cemetery, much to her friends' dismay. They viewed him as a bad influence on Susan, taking her away from the more important aspects of their lives such as shopping and hair appointments. Susan merely rolled her eyes at them; with her parents now gone and no extra money available, Susan had given up on the luxuries she had once enjoyed. She barely shopped now for anything other than groceries and basic necessities and she had learned to live without getting her hair styled once a week as her friends did. Her small trust fund, set up by her late grandparents, kept her comfortable while her parents' life insurance had paid off the house and other bills.

Her weekly coffee shop visits with Robert were one of the only luxuries she still allowed herself and looked forward to them more than any of the lavish parties she attended each month. Susan, not wanting to cause any more problems than necessary, kept her time with Robert a secret from her other friends. The two had discussed the issue once, Robert shrugging with indifference when Susan told him her friends disapproved of their friendship.

"It really makes no difference to me what those people think. They tossed my family out of their circle faster than you could blink after my father lost his money. They'll never understand that it was possibly the biggest blessing in disguise and that my family has been happier being poor, if that's what we are, than we ever were when we were wealthy," he had explained. Susan had felt slightly ashamed of her secret friendship with Robert, but had brushed it off when she reminded herself that without her circle of friends, she might truly be alone now.

Robert walked into the coffee shop and Susan lifted her hand to wave at him. He gave a slight wave back and walked to the table where she sat, sliding into the curved booth.

"Fancy meeting you here," he teased, smiling at her. Susan laughed lightly at his greeting, the same one he gave her every week when they met. A waitress came to the table and they ordered their usual two cups of coffee (one to replace Susan's cup, which had grown cold) and a large slice of red velvet cake to share, which Robert kindly let Susan eat the most of, never commenting on the fact that she usually only saved him a bite or two.

When the waitress walked away, Robert turned to Susan and asked, "What do you have planned for this evening?"

Susan shrugged and said, "I'm supposed to help Charity look at napkins for her wedding." Susan was Charity's maid of honor, or, as Susan liked to call it, "personal wedding slave." The Clayworths had insisted that Charity have a long engagement, claiming she was not old enough to get married. The true reason, however, was that they felt her fiancé Marcus was only marrying her for the money she would one day inherit and had hoped making the two wait would prevent the marriage from ever occurring. But no one had the heart to tell Charity this, Susan least of all.

"Well, tell her to pick out her own napkins. I'm taking you out tonight. You look like you could use a little fun in your life," Robert said, grinning at Susan. She returned his smile and shook her head.

"I can't possibly do that. Charity would have my head on a silver platter!" she laughed.

Robert snorted, saying, "I'll protect you from her. You're coming with me, end of discussion."

Susan laughed again and said, "Okay, okay. Where are we going then?"

"A friend of mine is playing at a club tonight. I promised I would come watch him and thought you might enjoy going out," Robert explained.

"That sounds nice. Much nicer than picking out napkins," Susan said, rolling her eyes over the thought of spending hours deciding between ivory and cream napkins. _Funny,_ Susan thought, inwardly sighing. _I used to love doing that before._

When the waitress returned with their coffees and cake, Susan delved in, taking a large bite of the cake. Robert chuckled quietly as he watched her eat, nudging the plate nearer towards her.

"Sorry," Susan mumbled, covering her full mouth with her hand.

"Quite okay," Robert said as he forked a small piece of the cake. The two continued to eat and talk for a good while, enjoying the happy world their tall-backed booth created. It wasn't until a group of ladies sat in the booth behind them that their happy world was disturbed.

"They sound like a gaggle of hens," Robert whispered jokingly, commenting on the ladies' loud conversation.

"Hens don't travel in gaggles," Susan whispered back knowingly, correcting his mistake.

"Well, since we're being factual, I don't believe hens travel, since they can't fly," Robert replied softly, a clever smile on his face. Susan was about to retort when she heard her name spoken by one of the ladies.

"Did you see that Susan Pevensie today at the meeting? Why I don't believe she paid an ounce of attention the entire time!" the first lady said. Susan's eyes grew wide in merriment as she smiled at Robert, who was shaking with silent laughter.

"I know! She's turned into a real Dolly Daydream lately. Today isn't the first time I've seen her staring off. It's as if she's in a completely other world!" a second lady agreed.

_If they only knew how I sometimes was_, Susan thought, inwardly smiling.

"Well you know what I think her problem is," the first lady said, her voice dropping low. Susan strained her ear towards the back of the booth to hear them better.

"Susan, maybe we should get going," Robert suggested, nervous about what viciousness the women in the other booth might say about Susan. His warning came too late, however, as Susan's eyes narrowed as she listened to the woman.

"She's been acting strangely since her family died. Of course, I understand her dilemma and feel sorry for the poor dear. But she doesn't seem to be moving on with her life. I think if she sold that old house of hers and found a husband, she would return to the Susan Pevensie we all knew from before."

"Susan, let's go," Robert said, sliding out of the booth and offering his hand to her. Susan sighed and threw her napkin on the table as she slid out of the booth as well, taking his hand as she stood. "I'll go pay the bill. Why don't you wait outside for me?" Robert suggested, squeezing her hand comfortingly. Susan nodded and walked to the door of the restaurant, her body shaking from the anger she felt towards the ladies in the booth.

_How dare they? As though a husband would fix everything!_ her mind screamed in frustration. _And what Susan do they want? The shallow girl who treated her family so horribly? Who pretended to be someone she wasn't? That girl doesn't exist anymore!_ Susan's fists clenched tightly as she thought this, turning to look in the coffee shop's window. She could see Robert standing at the counter paying for their coffee and cake. Her fists loosened as she thought, _Or does she?_

Susan leaned against the side of the building as she attempted to get her emotions under control. Robert came out of the coffee shop moments later, his face full of concern.

"Maybe they're right. Maybe I do need to begin moving on," Susan said, her voice void of emotion.

"Susan," Robert began slowly. "I don't think you need to take the gossiping of some silly old women seriously. You need to do what you feel is right, not what they think is best for you."

"But I don't know what's right! I've never decided what was best for me. How am I supposed to know?" Susan said slightly hysterical.

_"Your Majesty, it has come to our attention that you have come to harbor certain feelings for his Majesty, King Caspian," the Lord Regent said. Susan sat in her throne in front of the gathered Council, who had asked to meet with her. Her siblings were elsewhere, not being told about this meeting. And of course Caspian had not been invited. _He probably got off easy_, Susan thought angrily. _

_"My feelings towards King Caspian, and any other person, are not the concern of this Council. If that is the sole purpose of this meeting, then I am afraid you are wasting your time gentlemen," Susan said heatedly as she rose to leave. _

_"If your Majesty would please hear us out," the Lord Regent said loudly, standing as well. Susan glared at him, hoping her face looked as fierce as her 16 year old self could manage, and sat, waiting for him to continue. "The Council feels, and I am certain your brothers High King Peter and King Edmund will agree, that you are too young to be courted and married. Especially to a king who has just recently been put into his throne," the Lord Regent stated. _

_"What are you proposing then, Lord Regent? That I get my brothers' approval for every detail of my life? That I call a full Council meeting to run by you any feelings I may have for another?" Susan spat angrily. _

_"It is the Council's wish, your Majesty, that you direct your energies, for the time being of course, on being Queen of Narnia. You were once known as Queen Susan the Gentle, Narnia's great beauty. Now that you have returned, we feel it necessary for you to reclaim your title and flourish once again. I am certain that while your tender age prevents you from understanding our wishes now, as time passes you will understand that this is the best course for not only you and your role as Queen, but for Narnia as well," the Lord Regent gently explained. Susan gripped the arms of her throne, her knuckles whitening under the strain, as she struggled to control her voice, fearing the furiousness she felt would show as she spoke. _

_"I hope," she began, her voice deadly calm. "That you are not suggesting, Lord Regent, that I do not understand my duty as Queen of Narnia. I know who I once was and I know who I now am. While I may be young again, it would do well for you to remember that I ruled for fifteen years and I am fully aware of the effects of my actions on Narnia. You tread on very dangerous ground, Lord Regent, by suggesting otherwise." Susan paused briefly, staring hard at the Council members before continuing. "I will comply with your advisements. Not, however, for the sake of any of you, my siblings, King Caspian or even myself. I do this for my people, for the Narnians, who now look to me as one of their rulers, their leaders." Sighing deeply, she added, "I have once before allowed my people to pay for my mistakes when it came to matters of the heart. I will not allow that to happen again."_

Susan quickly glanced in the mirror, checking her appearance one last time, as she hurried to answer the door. _Perfect, as always_, Susan thought cheerfully. After her minor melt-down earlier at the coffee shop, she had come home and curled up in her bed for a long nap. Waking refreshed from a rare, dreamless sleep, she began to get excited about her plans with Robert. It had been so long since she had gone out just for fun, most of her current plans consisting of stuffy parties and social engagements.

_Tonight is just what I need,_ she mentally decided, smoothing her simple, but stylish, blue dress as she opened the front door. Robert stood on the door step, dashingly handsome in a black tuxedo. Susan's eyes grew wide as she stared at him, her jaw dropping in surprise.

"Why are you dressed like that?" she cried.

"Because this is typically what you wear to the club I'm taking you to," Robert explained slowly, confused at Susan's greeting. Susan looked down at her dress, a mild panic setting in.

"Why didn't you tell me what type of club we were going to? I thought-" she started, but was cut off by Robert's laughter.

"You thought I would take you to some type of lower class place, didn't you?"

Susan blushed furiously as she stammered, "Well, you just- I didn't know," causing Robert to laugh harder.

"Well then, are you ready to go?" he asked when his laughter had stopped.

"I can't go like this! I won't even be let in!" Susan wailed.

"Well, go change into something else. I'm sure you have dozens of things that are appropriate. And you'll be with me," he added, winking. "No one would dare not let you in." Susan shot him a look that wiped his teasing grin from his face before turning and rushing upstairs.

Susan changed quickly, luck being on her side as she had a dress she had just gotten back from the cleaners hanging in her closet. Hurrying down the stairs she nearly ran into Robert, who was standing at the bottom waiting for her.

"Better now?" Robert teased.

"This is all your fault, you know," Susan said as she walked past him to pick up her purse off a small table by the door.

"Yes, I know. I'm always the one to blame," Robert sarcastically moaned, following close behind her as they walked out the door.

When they were in Robert's car and driving through the streets of downtown London, Robert asked, "So what did Charity say when you told her you had to cancel your plans with her?"

Susan let out a tiny sigh and answered, "She was upset, of course. I didn't expect anything less."

"Did she say anything about where you were going?" Robert asked. Susan hesitated before answering. She hadn't exactly told Charity the true reason for cancelling her plans, making an excuse of being tired and needing a night to relax rather than tell her friend that she was going to a club with Robert St. James. Charity would have never understood and most likely would have gossiped to all of their friends about Susan's night out.

"You didn't tell her, did you?" Robert asked, his voice filled with disappointment.

"Robert," Susan began softly, her face apologetic as she turned to him.

"It's okay Susan. I know," Robert said, turning his eyes back to the road. They rode in silence the rest of the way, Susan staring out the passenger window at the darkened buildings that lined the street. There were still some in ruins from the bombings, although many had begun to be rebuilt. She looked up when the car stopped, asking, "Are we here?"

Robert nodded quietly as he turned off the engine and opened his door to get out. When he walked around to her side of the car and opened her door, she stepped out and peered up at him.

"Are we okay?" she asked hesitantly. Robert gave her a half smile and nodded.

"We're okay," he said, offering his arm to her. Susan shut her door and linked her hand through his arm.

"Ready?" Robert asked as they walked to the door of the brightly lit club.

"Let's go," Susan said, pushing the door open.

* * *

Hours later, when the show was over, the two walked out of the club, Robert struggling to hold on to a rather tipsy Susan who seemed to be everywhere all at once. Thinking a walk might help, Robert led her to a nearby park where she could move without fear of stepping off the curb and being hit by a car, an issue that had nearly occured twice.

"Wasn't that just wonderful?" Susan exclaimed as she spun in a circle around Robert when they had entered the park. He chuckled, attempting to grab her to keep her from falling.

"It was. I'm glad you had a good time," he said.

"Oh, I did! And I never realized just how lovely champagne tastes when I'm not drinking it at one of those dreadful parties!" she said as she wrapped her arms around one of Robert's.

"It is quite good, although pretty potent when you have six glasses. I told you to take it easy," he gently scolded, smiling at Susan's upturned face. She snorted and remained silent as she let go of Robert's arm and walked ahead of him. He shook his head and smiled, following close behind.

There was a small fountain in the middle of the park which Susan stopped in front of, seeming entranced by the glowing spray which was illuminated by the dim park lights. Robert stood next beside her, a flash coming from his hand. Susan looked down and saw he was holding a coin up.

"Want to make a wish?" he asked mischievously. Susan swayed slightly as she grabbed the coin, grinning at him. Turning back to the fountain, she closed her eyes. She felt the ground spin beneath her, unsure of whether from the champagne or the power of her wish. Tossing the coin towards the fountain, she heard the tiny 'plunk' of it as it hit the water. Seconds later, a second 'plunk' sounded and she opened her eyes quickly.

"Did you wish too?" she asked, glancing over at Robert.

He nodded and asked, "What did you wish for?"

Turning back to stare at the fountain, Susan softly replied, "The impossible."

They remained silent for several minutes before Susan asked, "What did you wish for? Anything good?"

Robert chuckled and said, "I wished for the impossible, too." Susan turned to stare up at him, meeting his smiling eyes. Robert inhaled deeply, saying, "I think I'm going to kiss you now."

"Okay," Susan replied. He leaned down and touched his lips to hers. A warm feeling filled Susan's stomach, the familiar tugging sensation coursing through her. She had felt a similar feeling when Rabadash had kissed her. And again years later from Caspian's kiss. But this kiss held something more for her than either of her previous ones had. The warm feeling spread throughout her body, catching every inch of it on fire. She had never felt this way in her life, in any of times she had lived it. When the feeling reached her head, it began to shoot off warnings, her mind screaming at her to stop the kiss. _Robert is your friend! A friend no one approves of! _she thought, fears whirling through her head.

"Wait!" Susan cried, pushing away from Robert.

"I'm sorry," he said immediately, worried he had pushed too far with her current state.

"No, please don't apologize," Susan said, holding up her hand. "We're friends."

"Of course," Robert said softly, understanding her reasons for stopping the kiss. "I think I might have had a little too much champagne too." Susan smiled, happy he wasn't angry with her stopping the kiss.

"Let's get you home. It's getting cold out here," Robert said, wrapping his arm around Susan's shoulder. The two walked back to where Robert's car was parked, laughing and talking about the show, pretending their kiss had never happened.


	4. The Way We Were, Again

"I guess I've always been good at pretending," Susan muttered to herself.

Robert had dropped her off over an hour ago, assuring her he would call to check on her in the morning. She had stumbled up the stairs to her room and fallen on the bed, where she now lay. After the kiss she and Robert had shared, Susan was starting to feel her entire life was a sham, one enormous pretense for who she was. Whirling confusion set in as multiple identities fought inside her. She had been Susan, Queen of Narnia. She had been Susan, London's social darling. She had been the queen men hoped to marry, the woman others wished they could be. "But who do I be now? Am I still queen without a kingdom?" she asked her ceiling as she stared up to it. Aslan's words rumbled low in her head, "Once a king or queen of Narnia, always a king or queen."

"But you took us away from there. How can I still be queen when I'm no longer there? I can't keep pretending about Narnia," said Susan, her voice filled with emotion.

Her life in Narnia, with the exception of a few key moments, had been ideal and she had loved it. Immensely. But being taken away from it all, jerked away from the life she had fallen in love with, had crushed her, making her doubt her happiness with Narnia. Their return to Narnia was when the pretending had begun. It started with claiming she did not believe Aslan had returned, followed by pretending her feelings for Caspian had never existed. Both situations had left her feeling awful; embarrassed by her own selfish reasons that she had not believed Lucy, hurt when Caspian had chosen another over her. Susan had pretended that everything was alright afterwards, fooling even herself that she was still the happy woman she had once been.

"But I wasn't," she whispered, closing her eyes. She had not told anyone how she sometimes questioned whether Aslan was still watching out for them, how she cried herself to sleep nearly every night for a year, how she thought so many times that she wanted to leave Narnia. She had only wanted to be a normal person, able to love who she wanted to love, do what she wanted to do, and be who she wanted to be. Susan had spent her years in Narnia pretending she wasn't that person, that she was once again Queen Susan the Gentle, and now, back in her own time and home, she was pretending she wasn't a queen. Often times it had pained her to pretend she had thought Narnia was a silly childhood game, on occasion even making her unwell and unable to go to school. "But I had pretended it was better than facing my past," she said, fighting the tears which threatened her eyes.

Standing, Susan walked to her old bedroom and slowly opened the door. The room looked the same as it had for as long as she could remember, Lucy's side slightly messier than hers. She had not had the heart to clean up anything on Lucy's side, feeling it would possibly destroy the tiny remnants that were left of her little sister. Sitting on her old bed, she picked up the pillow, hugging it to her chest as she stared at Lucy's empty bed. She closed her eyes, pretending her sister was still with her.

_"Susan, why are you acting like this?" _Lucy asked, her voice filled with hurt.

"I don't know what you mean," Susan replied aloud, her eyes still closed. She could picture her sister exactly as she was that night they had argued, her honey blonde hair braided for bed and wearing her favorite light blue pajamas, a ghost of a memory standing before her.

_"Yes you do. Why are you pretending Narnia doesn't exist? That you weren't queen?"_ asked ghost Lucy.

"It was all a game, Lu," Susan said quietly.

_"No, it wasn't! Why are you fighting who you are?"_ ghost Lucy cried, walking to Susan and placing her hands on Susan's cheeks. She could almost feel the warmth of her sister's hands as they rested on her face. _"Remember Susan! Remember who you are!" _

"I can't, Lucy. I just can't," she whispered as she grabbed her sister's wrists firmly, opening her eyes as her hands grasped the air in front of her. "She's not here," Susan said, a tear rolling down her cheek.

She and Lucy had had that same argument the night before the train accident. Lucy had pleaded with Susan that night, hoping her sister would finally remember. She had seemed almost desperate for Susan to admit she remembered who she was. _Lucy was always right. Right about the wardrobe, right about Narnia, right about Aslan,_ she thought, staring hard at where her sister should have stood for several long moments.

"No!" Susan cried, standing quickly and throwing the pillow at Lucy's bed. "You weren't right Lucy! Narnia took you away. It took you all away! I won't let myself be fooled again by it as well!" she yelled. Susan spun and marched out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

* * *

The next morning Susan woke lying face down, her head reeling from the champagne. Pushing herself up, she moaned from the jarring pain inside her head the movement had caused. She pulled on her bathrobe, tying the belt haphazardly as she walked slowly down the stairs, hoping she still had some coffee left in the kitchen. When she reached the bottom of the stairs, a piercing ring sounded in her ears.

"That damn phone," Susan muttered. She reached for the table where the phone sat and picked up the receiver. "Hello?"

"Good morning!" came a cheerful voice from the other end.

"Robert," Susan sighed, the confusion she felt from last night returning.

"How are you feeling? Head hurting?" Robert chuckled.

"Like you wouldn't believe," Susan mumbled.

Robert laughed again, saying, "Well just take it easy today. I'll let you go rest."

"Thank you," Susan said. "Goodbye."

"Goodbye," Robert said.

Susan heard the click of the receiver going dead and sighed, returning it to the cradle. She went into the kitchen and began making coffee, sighing again after scraping the bottom of her coffee tin. "Another trip to the store," she muttered as she placed the pot on the stove. She leaned against the counter, nibbling on a muffin, the reassuring_ 'ping, ping' _noise coming from the coffee pot. When the coffee finished brewing she opened the cabinet and took a mug from it, filling it with the steaming liquid. Susan had just taken a sip when she heard a knock coming from the front door. _Who in the world could be here at this hour?_ she thought, setting her mug on the counter and walking to the door.

Through the frosted glass of the door she saw the blurry form of a woman standing behind it. Pulling her robe tightly about her, she opened the door. Charity Clayworth was standing on the door step, her face streaked with tears. "Charity!" Susan said, surprised to see her friend so early.

"Oh Susan, it's awful!" Charity wailed as she pushed past Susan dramatically, entering the house.

"Come on in," Susan sighed softly, pushing the door closed. "What happened?" she asked, motioning to Charity to follow her to the living room.

"Mother wants me to spend the summer in France with my awful Aunt Bernice! Three whole months away from Marcus!" Charity cried, her tears falling harder.

"Well, that is awful to be apart for so long, but France! How lovely!" Susan exclaimed, hoping to help Charity see the bright side of her predicament. Susan knew Charity's aunt was extremely wealthy and lived on the coast of France near Monaco. She had met Aunt Bernice once before and, despite Charity's disgust (or jealousy as Susan surmised) for her aunt, had found her to be an extremely interesting woman who had led a fascinating life.

"I suppose you're right," Charity finally agreed. "And Aunt Bernice has promised me we could visit Monaco while I'm there."

"You see? I think that sounds like a wonderful summer!" Susan said, smiling widely at her friend, knowing her smile looked genuine, regardless of how she felt. _This isn't so hard,_ Susan thought. _I can easily be the woman I once was, better even. _

"I'm glad you think so," Charity said, wiping her tears away with a lace handkerchief she had pulled out of her purse. "Mother and Aunt Bernice thought it would be a good idea for you to come with me. I don't want to be alone for the whole summer and Aunt Bernice is dying to see you again. You apparently made quite an impression on her. Say you'll go with me! Please!" She had been speaking so quickly she needed to take a breath after her last words. Susan smiled sadly and shook her head.

"I couldn't possibly go, Charity! There's no way I could afford it," she said.

"Nonsense! Your tickets have all been taken care of. Mother said to think of it as an early birthday present. Please, please, please say you'll come!" Charity pleaded, grabbing Susan's hand while she did so. Sensing she would not win, Susan smiled and nodded her head.

"Okay, I'll come. Maybe it would be good to get out of London for a while," she conceded. _Maybe it will also help me to finally move on_, she thought sadly, forcing a smile for Charity, who was practically bouncing on her seat in excitement.

* * *

_"Isn't he wonderful?" Susan asked, a dreamy look on her face. _

_"Divine," Edmund said sarcastically, rolling his eyes at his sister. The two siblings were sailing aboard their ship, the _Splendor Hyaline_, to Calormen so that Susan could visit Prince Rabadash in his own country. Edmund had been against the trip, as had Peter, but had consented to escort Susan after a week of tearful begging and pleading. _Although if Peter had been home he would have put a stop to that the very first day,_ Edmund thought as he turned to lean on the ship's railing. Their brother had gone off to deal with a situation that had arisen with the giants of Ettinsmoor, leaving Susan, Edmund and Lucy behind. _

_"Just think, Ed, soon I'll be a wife! And hopefully then after, a mother. Wouldn't that be wonderful?" Susan fawned, leaning next to her brother. Edmund sighed deeply and turned to her. _

_"Look Su, are you absolutely sure about him?" he asked concernedly. _

_"Of course I'm sure! How could you question that?" Susan cried, surprised at her brother's doubts. _

_"Susan, you've only met him for a week! How can you already accept that you're in love with him?" Edmund asked, feeling his anger rise. _

_"Sometimes you just know, Edmund. I've never known anyone like him. He makes me feel like a queen," Susan said, going dreamy again. _

_"That's because you are a queen," Edmund muttered in exasperation as he pushed himself off the railing and turned to leave. He had only taken a step when something ran into him, nearly knocking him off balance. He looked down at a young boy, who fallen backwards onto the deck after colliding with Edmund, groaning in pain as he hit the hard wood. _

_Susan turned and exclaimed, "Prince Corin! You shouldn't be running on the deck. A young boy like you could slip and fall overboard into the ocean and then where would we be?" Edmund rolled his eyes and leaned down to pick up Prince Corin by the scruff of his neck. _

_"Susan, don't be such a wet blanket," he shot at his sister before dragging the young prince off. Susan pursed her lips at her brother in annoyance and shot her eyes heavenward as she turned back to lean on the railing._

Susan stood on the deck, the salty sea air blowing on her face, her hands clasped on the rope rail that surrounded the sleek yacht. She had been in France a month and was having the time of her life. _Well, this life anyway,_ Susan thought. Aunt Bernice had shown both her and Charity off at the dozens of parties, picnics, beach trips and dinners they had gone to, excited to have two "such lovely young ladies" to point at the "handsome young men" as she liked to say. Susan quickly learned that Mrs. Clayworth's idea of sending Charity away for the summer was not to test the strength of her daughter's love for Marcus (which had turned out to be slightly wavering, Susan had realized) but to allow Aunt Bernice to find Charity a more suitable match among her highly affluent French friends. Aunt Bernice had also taken it upon herself to push Susan towards the young men, pressing her to find a match. "A pretty thing like you is bound to be scooped up quickly," she had gushed during Susan's first week in France. The men that Susan was introduced to seemed perfect: wealthy and handsome. Living on the French Riviera, or the Cote d'Azure as Susan loved to hear them say, the poetry of it rolling off their tongues, had made them all tan, many of them having dark Mediterranean features. _Exactly the type of man I like,_ Susan smiled. A pang of sadness quickly washed over Susan.

_Unless they have eyes the color of the Narnian sea, _she thought as she remembered the friend she had left behind in London. Robert had been unhappy that she had decided to spend the summer in France, arguing that she had already put enough distance between them by canceling their past few coffee dates. _"You don't need to distance yourself physically,"_ he had said, his words echoing in her mind. Susan had claimed that wasn't what she was doing, stating that she just needed a break from her life in London, but deep down she knew she needed space away from Robert to become the woman she had been, before the train accident. Before the heartbreak. Before Narnia had ruined her life. Susan shook her head as though she was trying to jostle her thoughts of Robert and Narnia away.

"Susan, dear! Don't stand so close to the edge. You may slip and fall overboard and then where would we be?" Aunt Bernice called from where she was sitting in a wooden lounge chair. Susan giggled at the familiar words as she turned away from the rope rail. Charity and her aunt were both lounging on the deck wearing bathing suits, Aunt Bernice sporting a wide-brimmed straw hat and looking very stylish. Despite her age, she had kept a trim figure and was always seen in the latest fashion. Susan admired her greatly, commenting once how she hoped to be similar to her when she grew older. Aunt Bernice had laughed and warned Susan of wishing she was someone else. "Too much time wishing is too much time wasting," she had gently scolded, laughing gaily. "You should be content trying to be who you are, not who someone else is."

Walking to an empty lounge chair next to Charity, Susan sat and pulled her white sarong around the top of her legs. She glanced up to see Charity rolling her eyes at her.

"Susan, you're not in stuffy old England anymore. Nobody cares if you show a little leg," she said dramatically. Susan had been teased about her modesty relentlessly by Charity during their month in France. While they lounged on Aunt Bernice's private beach or swam in the ocean, Susan had no problem wearing her navy bathing suit. It was only when they were in public or, as they currently were, sailing around on the yacht (which was owned by a very close friend of Aunt Bernice) did Susan feel too exposed wearing only her suit. She had been aware of her affect on men for quite some time, having been referred to as the beauty of the family for years and felt perfectly alright when men turned their heads as she passed by. But she was always fully clothed then, covered up by her more conservative, yet stylish, dresses. Her effect on men wearing just her bathing suit was a new experience for her, one she did not relish. Charity, however, loved the attention and had quickly adopted the new French bikinis, as they were called, after they arrived. _I really am a wet blanket_, Susan thought, smiling over Edmund's favorite phrase for her.

"Now, now Charity," Aunt Bernice laughed. "Leave dear Susan alone." The three women laughed before she continued. "Susan, Charity and I were just discussing a bit of fun I have planned for you two tonight. One of my very dear friends is throwing a party for you young people and I told her that I would of course send my two most favorite girls to it! She is madly interested in introducing you to her nephew, who is, I'm told, quite a catch."

"Well, that would be lovely," Susan said, smiling at Aunt Bernice.

* * *

Later that evening Susan sat on the edge of her bed as she pulled on her stockings. There was a quick knock on the door before it flew open and Charity rushed into her room, wearing a robe and her hair up in rollers.

"Oh Susan, isn't this just going to be wonderful?" she asked excitedly. Susan laughed and nodded in agreement. "And really, stockings? Why not just go without? I think most girls here do anyway. I know I am!" Charity exclaimed. Susan looked wistfully at her stockinged legs, knowing Charity was right. They were one of the banes of her existence, especially in the heat of southern France. Charity sensed Susan's reluctance and rolled her eyes, saying "Oh, come on Susan! Live a little! Be daring, be bold!"

Susan laughed and said, "Alright, alright. I'll take them off." She rolled off her stockings and tossed them on the bed. _I feel a bit freer already,_ she thought, smiling.

"There, you see! Better, isn't it?" Charity boasted. She spun quickly and walked to the door, turning to look at Susan before she left. "Aunt Bernice says we're leaving in an hour, so you may want to hurry! We don't want to be late!" she said before walking out of the room and pulling the door closed behind her.

Susan looked down at her stockingless legs, wiggling her toes in freedom before hopping off the bed and hurrying to her closet. After pulling out nearly a dozen dresses (and rejecting each one) she decided on a silvery blue dress, a color she had loved a lifetime ago. Aunt Bernice had taken them to Paris one weekend after they arrived, claiming their "stuffy British clothing simply will not do." Susan had seen the dress in a shop window and fell instantly in love. The moment the soft billowy fabric touched her skin she felt like a queen again, a feeling she had not felt in ages.

After she had dressed, Susan stood in front of a tall mirror that sat in her room, admiring her reflection. She twisted this way and that to see her reflection from all angles, loving the way the fabric felt against her legs. She could vaguely hear Edmund and Lucy's shouts of laughter, teasing her for her silliness. She snorted at Peter's reddening face, knowing he hated knowing the way she looked often attracted scores of men.

"Mother would turn in her grave if she knew I wasn't wearing stockings!" Susan exclaimed to the empty room, laughing at her mother's sometimes prim ways. If there was one thing she had inherited from her mother, it was that. Thinking of her mother made her frown slightly at the woman in the mirror. _A queen wouldn't behave like this_, she thought sadly. Rolling her eyes at herself, she said, "But I'm not a queen. I'm Susan. Average girl." Even before she finished her words, she heard the outraged cries of her brothers, the dejected pleas of her sister.

_"How can you say that?" Peter yelled. _

_"Please remember, Susan," Lucy cried, tears forming in her eyes. _

_"You _are_ Queen," Edmund said forcefully._

"I'm not! I'm not!" Susan exclaimed angrily, turning away from the mirror, ashamed of the woman staring at her in it. She stomped towards the door, grabbing her purse from where it sat on her bed. Squaring her shoulders, she opened the door and walked through, slamming it closed behind her.

_Susan sat down, breathless from the vigorous dancing, the cool marble of her throne refreshing under her overheated arms. _It was definitely a mistake to wear this heavy dress!_ she thought. _First thing tomorrow I'm designing dresses to wear during our Narnian dances._ She laughed as she watched her younger brother attempting to perform some of the more difficult of the dances, stumbling over his feet with a huge grin on his face. Edmund had never feared the dancing but had not quite gotten the hang of it yet. Lucy was dancing with Tumnus the Faun, who was her favorite dancing partner. He never commented on her atrocious dancing and sometimes imitated her poor imitations of the Narnian dances so she would not feel bad. _He has such a soft spot for her_, Susan thought. _But of course, who doesn't for Lucy?

_"Tired of all your admirers?" Peter asked sarcastically as he sat in his throne next to Susan. _

_"I'm only taking a break. I got a little hot," Susan replied stiffly, casting an annoyed look at her brother. "Besides," she added. "I think you have just as many here tonight as I do. Look at them." Susan motioned slightly with her head towards a large group of girls who seemed to be staring at Peter, giggling as he glanced their way. _

_"It's pretty great," he said, slightly arrogant as he sent a stunning smile their way. _

_"You're ridiculous," Susan muttered, aggravated with her brother's behavior. When she turned her eyes back to the dancing, she saw the most handsome man she had ever seen walking towards her. From the tan color of his skin, she knew he was Calormen. He was clean-shaven, his sculpted face surrounded by dark black hair. On his head he wore a stark-white turban, a deep ruby inset at the crown. When he reached the dais where Susan and Peter sat, he bowed low before them. _

_"O High King, you honor me with your invitation to your glorious palace of Cair Paravel. I ask, O High King, that I may have your permission to ask this lady for the honor of a dance," the man asked. _

_"Prince Rabadash," Peter began, his voice tight. "You will have to ask Queen Susan for yourself. My sister knows her own mind." Prince Rabadash turned to Susan, beginning to open his mouth when Susan quickly said, "Yes!" _

_"Susan!" Peter hissed, outraged by his sister's behavior. _

_"Peter!" she hissed back, giving him a look that could have stopped the White Witch in her tracks. Turning back to Prince Rabadash she said, "I would be delighted to dance, Prince." She placed her hand in his offered one, turning quickly to glance back at her brother, inwardly giggling at the look of rage on his face as he watched his sister move to the dance floor._

"Susan, dear!" Aunt Bernice called, waving her hand at Susan. Susan walked towards her, seeing a middle-aged couple standing next to her. When she reached where the three were standing, Aunt Bernice put her arm around Susan's shoulders and said, "Dear, these are my friends the Montroses. And this, dear friends, is the girl I have been telling you so much about, Susan Pevensie."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Susan said, shaking the Montroses' hands.

"You were absolutely right, Bernice! She is quite a beauty," Mr. Montrose said, smiling warmly at Susan.

"I have been simply dying to introduce you to my nephew, Susan. He is visiting us this summer and has been quite lonely, the poor dear," Mrs. Montrose said dramatically. Susan smiled widely, inwardly groaning at the idea of spending the evening with a lonely man who had to be set up by his aunt. "Philip! Come over here," Mrs. Montrose called, waving her hand.

The man who turned at the sound of his name nearly took Susan's breath away. _If a man could be designed specifically for me, he would look like him_, she thought happily. _There's such a familiarity to him though._ Philip walked closer, flashing a beautiful smile at Susan. "Philip, this is Susan Pevensie, the young woman I've been telling you about," Mrs. Montrose said when he stood next to her. Philip reached out to shake Susan's hand, taking it gently in his hand when she offered hers and pressing her hand to his lips.

"My aunt has done you no justice," he said smoothly, his voice lightly tinged with an accent. Susan blushed slightly and nodded her thanks, speechless over his gallant gesture.

"Perhaps Miss Pevensie would like to dance?" Mrs. Montrose urged.

"Of course, Aunt," Philip said, smiling warmly at her. "Would you care to dance?" he asked, turning to Susan.

"I would," she replied, allowing him to lead her to the dance floor.

The evening passed quickly for Susan, who now found herself seated in a wooden lounge chair on a large stone terrace that surrounded the house where the party was held. The view overlooked the ocean, which was illuminated by the full moon. Philip sat next to her, the two quietly getting to know one another. They had snuck outside, escaping the watchful eyes of Aunt Bernice and Mrs. Montrose, who both had been nearly unable to hide their glee at seeing how well Susan and Philip had hit it off. Philip had been telling Susan about his job as an investor working for his father's firm when he glanced at her leg as she crossed one over the other.

"No stockings?" he asked slyly, smiling at her. Susan blushed and laughed nervously. "How… modern," Philip said, picking up her hand and kissing it again. Susan smiled slowly, her heart racing as Philip leaned in closer, pressing his lips gently against hers. A shiver ran down her spine as she remembered familiar kisses from her past.

"Philip!" called a voice from inside.

Sighing, Philip broke their kiss and muttered, "That damn aunt of mine." Susan cocked an eyebrow at his reference to his aunt, earning her a winning smile from him. "I enjoyed meeting you tonight, Susan. Perhaps I can call on you another day?"

Susan nodded and stared at him as he walked back towards the house, leaning around her chair to watch as he went through the large glass doors. Turning back in her chair, she sighed deeply and ran her hand through her hair. It had grown out over the years, no longer in the modern style she had loathed, and now fell in gentle waves below her shoulders. She still felt Philip's lips on hers, the kiss fair enough.

_But I've had better,_ she thought, a spark of passion igniting in her as she remembered Robert's kiss, the only kiss that had truly set her on fire.

**AN: I hope you are enjoying this so far... I'm feeling a little discouraged with it to be completely honest. Or maybe it's just this chapter; it was hard to write! Reviews might make me more excited to write (hint, hint)! **


	5. At the End of the Summers

_Susan sat on the back stoop, drawing her knees to her chest as she stared into the yard, focusing on no one object. She felt conflicted, her mind whirling with thoughts, over the events of the past year. It had been almost a year since they had returned from Narnia and Susan felt worse than ever. All year in school she had been lost in her own world, dealing with the knowledge that she would never return home, so much so that her grades (which had never been overly good to begin with) had slipped to the point where her parents were concerned that she may not be very smart, despite her advanced maturity. She and Peter had discussed their feelings towards knowing they could not return to Narnia months earlier at Christmastime. Susan had been surprised that Peter felt differently than she did. He told her he would have given anything to return, to be High King again, but that he accepted his fate as Aslan had bade him to. Susan had kept quiet then, finding it hard to agree with him. _

How could he have wanted us to be unhappy?_ thought Susan as she leaned her head on her hand. That was the question she had dealt with daily over the year and still could not come up with a reasonable answer for it._

Over the next two months, which seemed to pass very quickly, Susan spent more and more time with Philip getting to know him better. She was his date to the picnics and beach parties he always seemed to attend, his nearly exclusive dance partner at the lavish summer parties Aunt Bernice always went to, and was at his side every Sunday for late afternoon drives along the French shore. Both Aunt Bernice and Mrs. Montrose told anyone that would listen about how fine a couple the two made and how they were hoping for a lovely fall wedding. Word spread throughout their large circle that Susan and Philip were the summer's "it" couple and they were the talk of the town for weeks. If either minded, neither showed it, for they were often in their own happy world, enraptured by the other. At least that's how it appeared to the outside world.

_The summer was nearly over. Susan had just returned from a trip to America with her parents, where she spent the majority of her summer vacation. Peter had finished his preparations with Professor Kirke for his exam and had passed it with flying colors, his whole family very proud. Edmund and Lucy, who had spent the summer at Aunt Alberta and Uncle Henry's, claimed they knew he would do spectacularly, being High King and all. Earlier in the evening, before dinner, they had called Susan and Peter in to the bedroom Edmund and Peter shared to discuss their summer. _

_"It was the oddest thing," Edmund began, lowering his voice so it would not carry through the closed door. "We were staring at this picture with Eustace and suddenly fell through it and landed in the ocean!" _

_"That is odd!" Peter exclaimed. _

_"That's not the worst of it!" said Lucy. "We landed next to the Dawn Treader!" _

Susan knew her new relationship with Philip wasn't as wonderful as others thought it to be. In fact, deep down, she was unhappy in it, knowing neither cared for the other as one should when in a relationship. As the summer progressed, a familiar feeling, quite unpleasant, began to grow in her, one that she knew she had felt at least twice in her life before. She could never admit, because it simply was not true, that she did not enjoy Philip's company; he was fascinating and always had wonderful stories to make her laugh. He was a good bit older than her, nearly thirty, so she sometimes felt like a little girl when he was around, him being so much more experienced than her. She pretended, however, that she was not the modest girl from a small part of London, but that she was a modern young woman, daring and chic, as the French put it. Susan took her cues from the women she met and saw daily, imitating their fashions, the way they styled their hair, and even the way they walked. Philip noticed her changes and began being more forward with her, holding her closer, kissing her deeper. These things made Susan uncomfortable, but she said nothing and did not try to stop them, fearing she might look like a prudish child. Aunt Bernice and Charity also saw the changes. Charity was ecstatic, happy that her friend was finally interesting. But Aunt Bernice became worried, sensing that Susan was losing sight of who she was. She commented on this to Susan several times, her warning words of, _Yo__u should be content trying to be who you are, not who someone else is_, constantly echoing in Susan's head. Susan simply pushed them aside, knowing that who she had been was no longer who she had to be.

_A low crickets' song began as the sun set, which cast a pinkish glow over the sky. Susan glanced up, seeing tiny specks of light in the dimmer parts of the sky, stars beginning to peep out. She remembered how the stars of Narnia shone, their brightness putting the ones here to shame. Thinking of the stars, Susan was reminded of her earlier conversation with her younger siblings, the reason for her current melancholy state. _

_"You saw Caspian?" Susan quietly asked. _

_"We did. It was so strange, because we had already taken the voyage with him," said Edmund, sensing his sister's sadness and not wanting to talk more about Caspian for fear that it might make her sadder. "But what was odd about the whole voyage was that we remembered taking it before, but everything we did and everywhere we went was new and exciting, the exact way it was the first time. We could discuss the places we had been before and reminisce about our adventures we had, but when it came time to travel to a particular island, we couldn't remember for the life of us which one we were traveling to!" _

_"Well I suppose that's Narnian magic for you," Peter said wistfully. Susan knew he was fighting jealousy as he listened to his siblings' tales of their trip back to Narnia. _

_"Oh, but it won't bring us back again," Lucy said, her eyes filling with tears. _

_"What do you mean?" asked Susan, alarmed. _

_"Aslan explained to us before we left that we were too old to return. He said we should learn to know him here, in England," Edmund explained. _

_"I see," Susan said, secretly grateful that she and Peter were no longer the only ones not allowed back. _

_"He said something similar to me when we returned before," said Peter. _

_"Not to me," Susan whispered, a small tear forming on the corner of her eye as she quickly lifted her hand to wipe it away, hoping no one else saw it. _

Susan adjusted her sunglasses as she turned to lie on her back. The hot sun shone down on her, warming her skin. In the distance she could hear the crash of the waves hitting the shore, a lonely seagull crying to the sky. The noise was soothing to her, putting her in a tranquil state as she listened to it. Aunt Bernice and Charity had gone to Monaco for a couple days, stating that they needed to do some shopping for Susan's upcoming birthday. Being left behind had suited Susan, who felt she needed some time to herself and had looked forward to relaxing on the beach without the constant chattering and gossip of the two women. She enjoyed their company, and had found that she'd become just as much of a gossiper as them over the summer, but occasionally needed time alone with the quietness of the beach. The combination of the sun and water had nearly put her to sleep when she heard, "Hello there!" called to her, pulling her out of her drowsy state. Quickly sitting up and turning to the voice, her eyes widened and her jaw dropped, both in surprise. A man was walking towards her, his brown hair shining in the sun. "Robert," she whispered as her heart began to race.

_The door creaked behind her, pulling Susan out of her thoughts. She kept her head straight as she heard the fall of footsteps coming near her. "I was wondering where you went off to," said Peter as he sat next to her on the top step. _

_"I just came out here to think," Susan said, rather stiffly. _

_"About Ed and Lucy? I can hardly believe it myself," Peter said. His voice sounded as though he was fighting disappointment, shaking slightly as he spoke. "I knew they might one day go back, but it's still hard to accept that I'll never see my kingdom again." _

_"I suppose," said Susan shortly. _

_Peter glanced at his sister, wondering about her cold behavior towards him, but brushed it aside as a "woman's problem" and continued. "I guess I still have a hard time of it understanding why our age is a problem. We were much older in Narnia, both times we were there. Maybe Aslan is worried about the affects of repeatedly growing older and then growing younger again will have on us," Peter chuckled, hoping to lighten his sister's mood. _

_"Or maybe Aslan is just using us," Susan said quietly, standing up and stepping away from the stoop. _

_"What?" Peter asked incredulously. "How can you say that, Susan? He's never used us!" _

_"Oh, hasn't he?" Susan cried, spinning to look at her brother, her eyes flashing in fury. _

_"What are you saying?" Peter said loudly, his anger rising as he stood. _

_"I'm saying look at what he's done! He pulled us into this world, covered in snow, and expected us as children to defeat the White Witch! Then he expected us to rule over a country that was in turmoil for years, cleaning up the mess that he should have fixed. And finally, when we had gotten Narnia peaceful and wonderful again and had fallen in love with it, he made us leave, only to be thrown back into a world filled with war. And if that's not enough, he used us again, as children, to fix yet another problem in Narnia. One that probably wouldn't have happened if he had just let us stay in the first place!" Susan yelled, her eyes filling with tears. _

"What are you doing here?" Susan asked when Robert reached her.

"It's nice to see you too," he teased, sitting next to her on the sand. She saw his eyes quickly glance at her legs, which were bare in her swimsuit, before shifting quickly up and looking apologetic. _Always the gentleman_, she said to herself, inwardly sighing.

"I'm sorry; it is nice to see you. It's just a surprise," Susan said politely, if not somewhat stiffly.

"That was the whole point," he said, smiling warmly at her.

"Oh," said Susan softly, turning her eyes out to the ocean and breathing deeply.

"Maybe I should have called first," Robert hesitantly said, sensing his surprise visit had upset Susan.

"No, it's a good surprise. I just don't understand why you're surprising me," Susan explained, keeping her eyes forward. She knew if she looked at him and saw his eyes, all the work she had done over the summer to move on would be shattered. Robert reached over and gently grabbed her chin, pulling her face to look at him.

"I came because I missed you."

_Peter's fists clenched tightly as he stared at his sister, his fury emanating from him. Susan inwardly shivered; it had been years since she had seen her brother so angry. His temper, which was only rivaled by Edmund's, had been known throughout Narnia to be fierce when it arose. Susan had often feared for those who angered Peter, knowing there were few brave enough to stand up to him during one of his rages, or, as Edmund called them, his "temper tantrums." In fact, the only person she had ever seen stand up to him and come away triumphant (or as triumphant as one can be when tempers rise) was Georgiana, whose temper often flared out of no where, occasionally putting both Peter's and Edmund's tempers to shame. Susan had always been one of the few who had been brave when faced with her brother's temper, but only if it was directed elsewhere. What made her fear worse at present was that the full force of his anger was now directed upon her. It was a very rare occasion that he was angry at her the way he currently was. Susan braced herself for the verbal onslaught that she knew was coming. _

Susan looked into Robert's ocean blue eyes, the walls she had built over the past few months crumbling instantly. A longing she had never known before overtook her, the sudden desire to throw her arms around him and hold him tight nearly overwhelming her. He still held her chin, his strong fingers grasping it tightly as he smiled at her. _He's going to kiss me!_ her mind screamed excitedly as her heart continued to race. She feared it would burst out of her chest if he waited any longer.

"Susan!" she heard behind her, the voice tinged with a soft French accent.

"Oh, of all the timings in the world," Susan muttered. She stared at Robert for a brief second, noting the mixture of confusion and worry on his face, before jerking her head out of his hand and turning to see Philip jogging across the beach towards her. When he reached where she was sitting, he flopped down next to her, kissing her on the forehead briefly.

"Hello," Philip began as he looked at Robert. "I don't believe we've met. I'm Philip Montrose." Robert reached and shook Philip's outstretched hand, saying, "Robert St. James."

"A pleasure," Philip said in a voice that told Susan it very definitely was not a pleasure. "How do you know Susan?" he asked, sliding his hand on Susan's thigh in a possessive gesture. Susan's eyes widened briefly as she glanced at his hand as it rested higher than he had ever touched her. Her head turned quickly to look at Robert, only to be met with a deadly glare. She had never seen Robert more than mildly upset, his easy-going nature one of her many favorite traits of his.

"We know each other from London," Robert replied, his voice even-toned.

"Ah, how nice of you to come to visit Susie while you were in the country then," Philip said, smiling smugly at Robert. Susan held her tongue against reminding him not to call her "Susie," a nickname he had started calling her recently, wishing he would remember how much she hated it.

"Actually," said Robert, "I came specifically to visit her."

"I see," Philip said, a touch of anger in his voice. Susan glanced at him to see an horrible smile on his face, one that nearly disgusted her. "How very kind of you to travel all this way for her," he said. Susan felt his hand move higher on her thigh, her back stiffening as he did so. She glanced back at Robert and saw a look of pure hatred mixed with hurt on his face. He stood and brushed the sand from his pants.

Looking down at Susan he said, "I believe I was mistaken coming here. It seems you've been in good hands all along." Robert turned and walked away, leaving Susan sitting incredulous at the situation. She turned to Philip, pushing his hand from her thigh forcefully as she shot him an angry look. Standing quickly, she turned and ran after Robert, yelling "Robert, wait!"

"_It doesn't work like that, Susan! You know that!" Peter yelled. _

_"Then how does it work? By making us lose everything?" Susan retorted. The two siblings were squared off in the yard, standing like two fighters ready to attack. They had quarreled as children, disagreed as adults. But now, in their late teenage years, their emotions ran wild, causing them to fight as they never had before. _

_"Aslan doesn't just give you what you want because you want it. He gives you what's right for you, what's best for you. I thought you of all people would understand that," Peter said angrily. _

_"And what has he given me that's been best for me? Happiness? A home? Love? All those things were taken from me! For a year now I've felt that I wasn't good enough, wasn't strong enough, to deserve those things and that's why they were taken away." cried Susan. Peter was silent, seemingly speechless at his sister's admission. She took the opportunity to continue, her anger rising as she admitted something she had only dared to think when she was alone. "I see now that I was wrong. He was just finished with me. I had served my purpose there and there was no reason to keep me around any longer," she said. _

_"Susan you know that isn't true!" Peter said forcefully. "Aslan wouldn't treat us like that. He wanted us to find him here, as he's known here. He told us that." _

_"He didn't tell me!" Susan screamed, tears trickling down her face. "He only told me he had another purpose for me here, that my time in Narnia was over. He might as well have told me my life was over." _

Susan caught up with Robert just before he reached the wooden stairs leading away from the beach. She grabbed his arm, stopping him before he could begin his climb. She was breathless, having forgotten how hard it was to run in sand, especially when chasing another.

"Won't you look at me?" she asked when he wouldn't turn around. Robert turned, the look in his eyes nearly knocking Susan over in shock. The normal, calm ocean blue that they were was filled with anger, reminding Susan of the ocean during a storm, very much like the one that had knocked them overboard all those years ago.

"I made a mistake coming here," he said.

"Why did you come here?" Susan asked, her eyes narrowing.

"I'm leaving Susan," Robert began, but was interrupted by Susan.

"You don't have to leave!" she cried.

Robert shook his head and said, "No, I'm leaving to go to America. My father has an associate there who wants me to help him set up a branch of his company in London. I'm going there to discuss our plans."

"How long will you be gone?" asked Susan.

"For a few months. I should be back sometime in December," Robert answered, his voice growing colder.

"You never answered my question," Susan stated. "Why did you come here?"

"I came to ask you to come with me to America. But I see now you have other things here to keep you occupied," Robert said, glancing angrily towards the beach.

_Peter turned and stormed back towards the house. "I don't see how you can still love Narnia after all this," Susan called after him. Peter stopped as he reached the stoop and turned back to look at his sister. Susan knew that as long as she lived, the look her brother gave her would be permanently etched in her memory. His mouth was drawn in a tight line, one she knew he wore when he was at his angriest. His eyes burned with a fiery mixture of anger and sadness, a little wildness about them as well. He gripped the black metal railing, turning his knuckles so white Susan could see them from where she still stood in the yard. _

_"I still love it because I have to, Susan. If I didn't, if I forced myself not to love Narnia, I don't know if I would be standing here any longer. I _kept_ the faith in Narnia and in Aslan," he said, his voice sounding once again like the king he had been instead of the teenaged boy he now was. Peter turned back and walked up the steps, stopping when he reached the back door and spoke without turning. _

_"What I don't understand is how you can turn your back on who you were always meant to be." _

"So that's the type of man you like? A disgusting pig that doesn't have an ounce of respect for you?" he asked furiously, gesturing towards the beach where Philip still sat. Susan felt suddenly angry, irrationally angry.

"Philip respects me! He loves me!" Susan yelled.

"Oh, he does, does he? He's told you this?" Robert asked skeptically.

"Well, not in so many words..." Susan said, her voice trailing off. She knew Philip did not love her and had come no where close to professing that he did, whether true or not. She was unsure why she had even brought it up.

"Not in any words, I'll wager. If he loves anything about you, it's that he loves how you look, or how you allow him to feel you up while you're only half dressed!" Robert yelled as his anger at Susan grew. Susan gasped loudly, shocked at Robert's accusations.

"I'll have you know that Philip is a perfect gentleman towards me. He's exactly the type of man I could hope for: smart, ambitious-" she began, but was cut off by Robert.

"Wealthy too, I suppose? By the mane, Susan! Is this the type of woman you've become?" he yelled, his voice barely controlable now.

"What did you say?" Susan asked, shocked at Robert's phrasing.

"Don't change the subject! The woman I know wouldn't be swayed by such superficial things. The woman I know wouldn't allow herself to be the shallow creature you appear to be," he said, his voice seething.

"This is who I am! This is who I've always been!" Susan shouted, her body shaking with anger, forgetting her previous question."The woman you think you know doesn't exist!"

Robert stared hard at her, his face a mixture of disappointment and hurt. Susan's heart broke just seeing the look, knowing it was her fault. _But I can't go back to where I was. This may not be ideal, but it's better than the hurt and confusion I lived with every day,_ she thought, forcing herself to keep her face straight. Robert's face hardened, a mask of hatred replacing the hurt, and said in a voice dead of emotion, "Then I wish I had never met her."


	6. The Follies of Susan

**AN: Sorry this chapter's taken a little longer to post... This week has been absolutely crazy like you wouldn't imagine! **

Robert climbed the stairs, leaving a speechless Susan standing at the foot watching him leave as tears filled her eyes. "Everything okay here, Susie?" Philip asked from behind her. Susan felt him place his hand dangerously low on her left hip and spun to look at him, her eyes flashing in anger.

"Don't call me that!" she cried, moving out of his loose embrace.

"What's with you?" he asked, scowling at her. Shaking her head, Susan turned and ran towards the beach, her feet sinking slightly in the sand.

When she reached the ocean she slowed, walking along where the ocean met the sand and hugged herself about her middle. She had half expected Philip to call to her, or chase after her, demanding to know what was wrong. He didn't, much to Susan's relief. There was a cluster of rocks ahead, the bottom of the craggy hill that the beach was below, which Susan leaned upon when she reached them. She stared out to the ocean, watching the gentle waves foam and crash. Her fight with Robert replayed over and over in her head and each time she found a new moment to be angered with, a new line to be sad over.

"He has no idea who I am," Susan whispered to herself as she clenched her fists, feeling her nails digging into her palms. Even as she spoke the words she knew she was fooling no one, least of all herself. Robert knew her better than anyone, almost as well as Edmund had. He understood who she really was deep down under the façade she painted of herself to everyone she met. He saw through her, to the very core of her being and it scared her. Although the two were different, his eyes pierced through the lies she told, the pretenses she held, just as Edmund's had so many times.

_Susan stood on the shore watching the sun rise over the horizon. It pained her to know that this would be the last time she would ever see the sun rise over Narnia. An angry tear slipped down her face before she could catch it. _Who are you fooling, Susan? This is probably the first time you've ever seen a Narnian sunrise. How much time you've wasted on such silliness since we've been back!_ she berated herself, scowling. _

_"Susan!" she heard called behind her. Turning, she saw Edmund jogging across the beach towards her, a wide smile on his face. _If only he knew_, she thought sadly, her heart painful from knowing her younger brother was about to be separated forever from the woman he loved. "What are you doing out here? Peter's going crazy because we couldn't find you!" Edmund playfully scolded when he reached Susan. _

_"I just needed a moment. You know how I am about sailing," she replied, hoping her voice didn't betray the emotions she was feeling. _

_"A moment to what?" Edmund asked, confused. _

_"To say 'goodbye,'" Susan said softly._

_ "Goodbye? We'll only be gone a few weeks. You're as bad as G," Edmund chuckled. Susan turned to look at her brother; the raw emotion in her eyes quickly wiped the grin off of his face. "Susan, what's wrong?" asked Edmund, concerned for his sister. She slightly shook her head and looked back at the ocean. "Don't lie to me. There's something wrong and I expect an answer," Edmund demanded, his voice sounding very kingly. Susan straightened her back and turned to glare at him. _

_"Do not take that tone with me, Edmund Pevensie," she said forcefully. "You may be a king, but I'm still your older sister." Edmund chuckled again; Susan had sounded so much like their mother just now. _Funny how I suddenly remember my mother; I haven't thought of her in years,_ Edmund thought. Susan glanced up, a figure in the distance catching her eye. She saw Georgie standing on the top of the cliff and smiled. _

_"It seems Georgiana is out early," she said, pointing up to where Georgie stood. Edmund turned to look and smiled widely. _

_"She loves the sunrises. I've caught her out here several times watching them," he explained softly. Susan looked at her brother and saw the tenderness and love he felt for Georgie written on his face. _

_"You really love her, don't you?" she asked. Edmund turned to his sister and nodded. _

_"More than I even realize," he replied. Susan felt the painful tugging in her heart again as she turned to look back at the ocean. "Look, Susan, I need to get up to G. But I know something is wrong with you, even though you say there isn't. I won't press you to tell me what's wrong, but whatever it is, things will work out the way they're supposed to. And Su," he added, placing his hand on his sister's shoulder. Susan turned to look at him as he continued, "There's a purpose for you just as there's someone out there for you. I don't know if that's what has you upset, but I truly believe you'll find what you're looking for soon." _

_Susan reached up and hugged her brother tightly, whispering in his ear, "Thank you, Ed. Go to Georgiana; tell her goodbye. I'll meet you at the ship."_

The waves lapped at Susan's toes as if they were beckoning her to come with them as they rushed back to the sea. _If only I could_, Susan thought sadly. She felt herself taking steps forward until the water splashed against her ankles. _I could go further in. Leave this place behind and join the others. I could be with my family again._ The water reached her knees and she closed her eyes, feeling the coolness of the water against her sun-warmed skin and wishing she could sink into it and allow it to take her away.

"This is ridiculous," she muttered lowly. She hated herself for being so cowardly and sighed deeply as she turned and trudged through the water back to the shore. She sat down next to the rocks and leaned against their hard surface, her head falling back on them._ I am a coward,_ she thought. She had been too cowardly to face her demons, to admit that she had been hurt by Narnia and longed to reconcile with it. Her siblings had been the brave ones, their belief in the goodness of Narnia never faltering. She had been a traitor, not only to her country, her family and her home, but to herself. At the first sign of difficulty she turned her back on the people and kingdom who had given her so much. "Even if I had done it," she began as she glared at the inviting ocean. "I don't think I would have been welcomed with my siblings. I would hardly blame them for not wanting a person like me in their paradise, if that's what Aslan's Country truly is," she whispered to herself, a single tear running down her face.

Hours later Susan found herself lying in her bed. She had not bothered to change from her bathing suit nor washing the sand and saltwater from her body. It had left a mess on her bed, but she had not cared. She stared at the ceiling, her emotions warring inside, as the quiet tick of the wall-hanging clock crept by. _I've been so many people. Daughter, sister, friend… Queen_, Susan said to herself as her brow furrowed in thought. _But which am I now? _It had been years, decades even, since Susan had felt so confused and out of place. And then she'd had her siblings to help her remember who she was.

_Trumpets blared announcing the return of the king and queen. Susan rushed down the castle stairs leading outside to see her brother Edmund and sister Lucy gallop towards Cair Paravel. "Edmund! Lucy!" Susan cried as her siblings dismounted and rushed towards her. She threw her arms around them both, hugging them tightly to her. When she released them, she began patting them down and inspecting them for any injuries. Lucy rolled her eyes and allowed her sister's motherly ministrations, but when Susan turned to Edmund he grabbed her hands and said, "If you mother me, I'm sending you away." _

_Susan laughed gently and pulled her hands from Edmund's. "Why don't the two of you go in and I'll follow shortly. I want to see to the men before I come relax," Edmund suggested, pushing both his sisters towards the castle stairs. Susan and Lucy smiled back at him and wrapped their arms around each others' waists, as sisters as close as they often do, and walked into the castle._

_ "I'm so sorry things had to come to this. Everything is my fault," Susan said quietly when they were out of earshot of Edmund. Lucy pulled away and glared at her sister, shocked at her admission. _

_"Susan! Never say that! This isn't your fault. All you did was refuse to marry someone who was horrid," she cried, hugging her sister tightly. When Lucy pulled away, Susan shook her head. _

_"My people died because of my mistakes. I'll never forgive myself for causing them to go to war. I'm hardly the queen they know," she said. _

_"They went gladly, Susan. That's the wonderful thing about the Narnians. They love us as we love them, more so I wager, regardless of our mistakes. Their kings and queens were insulted by the way you were treated by Prince Rabadash, and because we were insulted, they, in turn, were insulted. You can't blame yourself for this. You just can't!" Lucy said firmly, grasping her sister's shoulders and giving her a firm shake. _

_Susan gave her sister a teary laugh and said, "And here I thought I was the older sister."_

Susan wiped the tears that had formed in her eyes as she remembered her sister, whose wisdom was always greater than her own. _She was right though. Funny how I'm only now seeing that. All I did was refuse to marry Rabadash. I gave him no reason to hate me other than refuse his untoward advances,_ she thought, feeling some of her confusion slip away.

_"Lu, will you mind leaving Susan and me alone for a bit?" Edmund asked. Susan glanced up from her plate, which she had been staring at during dinner, startled out of her daydream by her brother. When Lucy had left, Edmund looked at his sister and said, "Okay, Susan. What's going on?" _

_"I don't know what you mean," Susan said softly, avoiding her brother's gaze. _

_"There's really no sense in trying to fool me. You've hardly touched your dinner, you've been near silent since we returned from Archenland, and you look as though someone has killed your very best pet. Tell me what's wrong," Edmund ordered in a firm voice. _

_"When will the two of you realize that I'm the older one?" Susan muttered. _

_"Does this have to do with Rabadash?" Edmund asked knowingly. Susan's head jerked up, her eyes flashing briefly in anger before they filled with tears. "It does, doesn't it?" Edmund said softly. He stood and walked around the table to where his sister sat and placed his hand on her shoulder. "You have to let it go, Su. We got out of Calormen, safe and sound. We defeated Rabadash at Anvard and he won't ever return, thanks to Aslan. Things are alright now," Edmund said, hoping his assurances would comfort Susan's fears. Susan looked up at her brother through her watery eyes and shook her head. _

_"I don't think things will ever be alright again," she said quietly._

A knock on the door brought Susan out of her thoughts. Quickly wiping the tears from her eyes she sat up and called "Come in!" Charity opened the door and walked in, scowling at Susan's appearance.

"Susan! We're supposed to be at the Montrose's in an hour and you're not even dressed!"

"Sorry," Susan muttered, hopping off her bed. "I suppose I'm a little tired from the beach."

"Well do hurry!" Charity exclaimed as she primly sat in a high backed chair near Susan's bed. "We can't have you looking like that for your big night?" Susan, who had been rummaging idly through her wardrobe, turned and gave Charity a puzzled look.

"My big night? Aren't we just going to a normal dinner party?" Susan asked. Charity rolled her eyes and gave Susan a wide smile, looking as though she had a juicy secret and was anxious to tell.

"Well, yes. I suppose it is. But I've also heard rumors that tonight may be the night for you and Philip!" Susan's eyes widened.

"The night? What are you talking about?" she asked.

"The night you'll finally get engaged, of course!" Charity cried, jumping out of her seat excitedly.

"Oh!" Susan said, surprised. She turned back to her wardrobe, hoping Charity wouldn't see the shock and unhappiness that she knew was showing on her face.

"Aren't you excited?" Charity asked, her voice touched with concern.

"Oh, of course. I'm just surprised, I guess," Susan said, turning to look at Charity, who smiled wide and clapped her hands excitedly.

"Wonderful! Now hurry up! We'll meet you downstairs!"

Susan laughed softly as her friend hurried out the room, closing the door behind her. Turning back to her wardrobe, she stared at the dozen or so dresses that hung in there, none of them appealing to her. _I suppose it doesn't really matter what I wear,_ Susan thought to herself as she reached in and pulled out the first dress her hand touched. _If he's planning on asking me to marry him, he wasn't expecting me to expect it, so I shouldn't look as though I do. Whether I want him to ask or not._ Susan held the dress up to her and, glancing in the mirror, sighed deeply. "I suppose I should just accept this is my life and to hell with my past. I can't change those things and I'm not that woman anymore," she said to her reflection, her face a mixture of sadness and determination. Nodding to herself, she dressed quickly and pinned up her hair, finishing only moments before they were to leave for the Montrose's and Susan's impending future.

The Montroses' dinner party was a whirling success, much to Mrs. Montrose's delight. The food was delicious and the wine had been flowing since Susan walked in the large dining room. Her head was nearly swimming from its effects; there had been a different type with each course. So far, they were on their fifth course, with two still to come. Philip sat diagonally from her and kept shooting her glances, smiling whenever their eyes would meet. Susan became increasingly uncomfortable as she knew his proposal could possibly be coming any moment. Her worries caused her to eat less and less and to drink more and more as the meal went on. When dessert was finished and cups of coffee were passed around, Philip stood and smiled at Susan. She smiled hesitantly back as her heart began to race. _Oh no, oh no, oh no,_ her mind screamed as it seemed to spin where she sat.

"If I can have everyone's attention," Philip began. The guests at the table quieted down and looked towards him. Mrs. Montrose began dabbing her eyes with her napkin, Susan noticed. "As you all know," Philip continued as he smiled wider at Susan. "Susie and I have been seeing each other all summer." Susan inwardly rolled her eyes at his horrible nickname for her. "I think, as you all can agree, we make a great match and make each other very happy. I don't want to make a flowery speech, so I'll just be blunt. I've decided to ask Susie to marry me." Cheers and applause rang out from the table as Philip was clapped on the back and Susan hugged tightly by the other guests. When it was all over, Susan's cheeks hurt from the forced smile she had plastered on her face since Philip had stood.

The party moved into the ballroom where a band was beginning to play and many other guests had arrived. Susan and Philip walked about the room, mingling with the other guests and receiving congratulations from nearly everyone they spoke to. _How funny they are to congratulate us when he hasn't even asked me to marry him_, Susan thought as she smiled politely to an older couple. The two danced to several songs, some fast and some slow, as the night drew on. Susan, although still feeling the effects of the wine from dinner, continued to drink the glasses of champagne being passed around by waiters carrying small silver trays with tall flutes of the bubbly liquid on them. A slower song was playing as Susan swayed back and forth with Philip, nearly unable to keep herself together. He leaned down and whispered in her ear, "Come with me. I have something for you."

He took her hand and led her from the floor and out of the room. They reached the ornate marble staircase in the hall that led to the second floor and Philip began to climb. Susan took two steps up the stairs and suddenly stopped, realizing what was happening. Philip turned and asked, "Susie? What is it? Come on, your gift is up here." Susan shook her head, the wine making it feel as though it was heavier than a stack of bricks.

"I can't go up there with you. What will people think?" she slurred, grasping onto the banister for support. Philip sighed and rolled his eyes, grabbing her hand again.

"No one will think anything. Let's go," he said firmly, giving her a slight tug. Susan, being in no state to protest, followed him up the stairs, where he led her to the second bedroom on the left side of the hall way.

_"O my Queen, my gentle beauty," Prince Rabadash crooned. Susan glanced at him from where she stood next to him in the gardens of the Tisroc's palace. Seeing his handsome face now disgusted her, increasingly more than it had once excited her. Since their visit to Tashbaan, Susan had seen a different side of her would-be betrothed; he was cruel and selfish, treating others with little or no respect, including her. "I would know your answer now," he continued, reaching out to stroke Susan's dark hair. "I would make you my wife, O Queen, and together we will have many children, one who will one day sit on the throne as Tisroc. Does not that sound appealing to your barbarian mind?" he asked as he ran his fingers through Susan's hair. Susan fought to suppress the urge to shudder and jerk her head away from his disgusting fingers. _

_"My dear Prince, I am still considering the marriage proposal you made to me. I have consulted with my brother, King Edmund, regarding it. But he suggests, and I agree, that we wait until our older brother, the High King, is returned," Susan explained. _

_"Yes, your brother," Rabadash said low, the tone of his voice making Susan nervous. "He spoke to me earlier this morning and when I pressed him for the knowledge in your heart, he spoke to me of the fancies of women and how they change before the sun can set." _

_"I- Edmund spoke to you?" Susan stammered, unsure of what her brother might have told Rabadash. _

_"He told me my suit may have grown cold within your heart. I hope, O Queen, that he is mistaken," he said, his fingers growing tighter around Susan's hair. _

_"I need more time," Susan said, praying to Aslan that her voice sounded like that of a Queen of Narnia and not that of the scared girl she felt like. Prince Rabadash's eyes grew colder as they narrowed, his hand fisting around Susan's hair. _

_"I am a prince of Calormen, O my Queen. I do not like to wait," he said in a deadly voice. He pulled Susan's face to his, pressing his lips hard onto hers, his kiss punishing and cruel. Rabadash's left hand snaked around her waist, grabbing her backside tightly as his fingers dug into her, grasping a handful of her dress. His other hand moved to the top of her dress, ripping the fabric down and pressing his hand roughly on her bare skin. Susan gasped at his touch, tears forming in her eyes. _

_"Queen Susan!" cried a voice. _Mr. Tumnus! _Susan's mind screamed._

_ Rabadash growled and released Susan, who quickly grabbed the remnants of her bodice and held it to her tightly. Rabadash reached for his scimitar, which he wore at his waist, but stopped before pulling it out of its sheath when Susan cried, "No! You can't kill Tumnus!" _

_"One less of you barbarians will not be missed," he said cruelly. _

_Susan straightened, her posture that of the regal queen she was, and said, "If you cause him any harm, you will be openly waging war with Narnia. I will see to that." Rabadash looked at her with such contempt that Susan took a slight step backwards, fearful that he may try to force her again. _

_"I will have you as my wife, O my Queen, you false jade. As my wife or as my slave. But make no mistake; I will have you. Whenever and however I so choose," he said, an evil look in his eye. Susan's eyes widened and she inhaled deeply, before backing away from Rabadash and turning to run from the gardens before she was seen in her state._

Susan walked down the hall to her bedroom. Her hair, which had previously been perfectly styled, now looked mussed, a few locks having escaped from their pins. Her clothes hung limply on her, slightly wrinkled as though they had been carelessly tossed on the floor. She had left the Montroses' an hour ago and had walked home, their house only being a few blocks away from Aunt Bernice's. She had left Philip lying in the bed of the second bedroom on the left side of the hallway, his smug face telling his true nature. She had quietly collected her belongings and walked zombie-like down the stairs and out the door, thankfully not running into anyone on her way out.

When she reached her bedroom door, she grasped the handle and turned, pushing the door open to her dark room. After shutting it behind her, Susan leaned against it and allowed herself to sink to the floor. Her time with Philip had sobered her, her head no longer swimming but instead pounding with pain. Drawing her knees up tightly to her chest, she rested her chin on them and drew her arms around them. Trembling, she whispered to her dark, empty room, "What have I done?"


	7. The End and the Beginning

**AN: I PROMISE this will hopefully most likely be the last overly depressing chapter... because quite honestly, Susan is bumming me out! **

Susan sat in a high backed green leather chair, the material feeling cheap and worn under her fingers. The room around her was dark, paneled in wood and very dimly lit. There were a pair of large windows on the wall opposite her letting in sunlight, but the day was dreary, so the sunlight streaming in was minimal. Turning to look at a wall full of shelves, she stood and walked to them, taking in the names of the numerous leather-bound volumes and the photos in silver frames that stood interspersed throughout the books on the shelves. A large picture hanging on the wall caught Susan's eye. She turned to look at it, the swirling reds and blues of it making her stomach churn. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, fighting the cold sweat that overtook her. When the feeling passed, she opened her eyes again and began studying the picture. She took in the shapes and forms, the way the objects in it were connected to each other. Her arm rose, ready to trace along the lines of it, when she hear the clacking of someone walking in the hallway. Dropping her arm, she hurried quickly back to her chair and sat.

* * *

**_A week and some days before the railway accident_**

_Dear Susan,_

_Hope you are doing well. Mother says you've gotten yourself involved in several different leagues and organizations. I'm sure that's wonderful and they're going well, but I wish you would reconsider going to school with me. I know you didn't do so well before, but I think you would enjoy it here. Maybe it would open your mind a little more._

_I'm sure Mother will tell you, but I'll be coming home at the end of the week for summer break. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to it! Professor Kirke has invited us all to his house in the country for tea and some reminiscing and I would really like it if you would come with us. Su, I know you think Narnia is just a game, but it isn't. I think this time will help you to remember. I hope you'll come. Give my love to the others._

_Your brother,_

_Peter_

Susan sighed as she folded Peter's letter and placed it in her desk. As much as she missed her brother and was happy he was coming home for summer vacation, she was not looking forward to living with her three siblings over the next three months. Edmund and Lucy had become more and more persistent over the past year regarding Narnia, begging her to remember it and discuss their lives they had lived there. She knew with Peter leading them, there would be numerous fights and tears as there had been before he left for University.

Peter arrived, as promised, at the end of the week. Their mother, happy to have her whole family back together, prepared a large dinner full of Peter's favorite dishes. The Pevensies ate and laughed and talked and when dinner was over, the family withdrew to the living room with coffee and dessert. Mr. Pevensie asked Peter about University and his classes and how he was liking them. When Peter had answered his questions, Mrs. Pevensie asked a question that quickly sobered the Pevensie children's happiness.

"So Peter, have you met any young ladies while at University?" she asked, smiling widely at her oldest son. Peter sputtered on the sip of coffee he had taken, coughing a little over it.

"I, um, well no, I suppose," he stammered, shooting a glance at his siblings. Susan forced her face to remain serene, a mask hiding the shock she felt from her mother's question. She looked out of the corner of her eye at Edmund and was met with a dark, painful look. She quickly glanced away, but a small sniffling sound next to her caught her attention. Turning to look at Lucy, she saw her eyes tearing up and noticed her face looked as though she were about to burst into tears.

"Stop it!" Susan hissed, elbowing her sister in the side.

"Ouch, Susan!" Lucy cried, her sad face quickly becoming angry.

"Susan?" their father asked sternly. Susan responded with an overly sweet smile and said, "Sorry." Her father gave her an odd look before returning his attention to Peter.

"It's the oddest thing, the way you all behave," their mother began, smiling sadly at her four children. "Why, when I was Lucy's age, my father nearly had to beat the men off with a stick! But none of you even seem to show any interest in any one. And Peter and Edmund, you're both very handsome young men. I'm sure any girl would feel lucky enough to have you, if you would only find one!"

"Dear, don't pester the poor boys!" Mr. Pevensie chuckled. "I, for one ,am glad my two beauties haven't had many young men knocking down our door. None of them could hardly be good enough for my little girls anyway," he added winking at Lucy and Susan. "And as for the boys, I'm glad they haven't found any girls either. Peter needs to concentrate on his studies at University and Edmund's nearly getting ready to begin his studies in the fall. They're all still so young; they'll find someone to make them happy when it's time."

"Er, right Dad," Peter said hesitantly. Susan glanced at her oldest brother, noting the uncomfortable look on his face, before peering at Edmund. His face looked crestfallen; Susan knew he was remembering Georgie and how much he had lost when they left Narnia. Feeling like she'd had enough of the melancholy atmosphere, she sighed sharply and stood, announcing, "I think I'll be going to bed now." She kissed her mother and father goodnight and turned to Peter. "It's good to have you back home," she said stiffly, hugging her brother before walking out of the room.

Susan sat at her vanity, brushing her hair as she prepared for bed, when Lucy burst into their room followed closely by Peter and Edmund. She set down her brush and turned to her siblings, smiling at them. Since Peter had gone to University whenever he came home for his term breaks they had made a tradition of gathering together alone and catching up with each other. Lucy hopped on her messy unmade bed and sat cross-legged, tucking her skirt around her knees. Susan inwardly rolled her eyes at her sister's behavior, hoping that one day she would realize how old she was and how to sit like a lady and not like a 5-year old. Peter leaned against the end of Lucy's bed and Edmund, mimicking his brother's stance, leaned against Susan's.

"So school's been going well, Peter?" Susan asked.

"It has. I love it there," Peter replied, smiling widely. "You would too, I imagine," he quickly added.

"Oh, don't start on that again. I have no interest in going back to school," Susan said, rolling her eyes as she stood and walked to her on bed. She sat on it and leaned back against the headboard.

"Maybe he's right, Su," Edmund said as he moved and sat on the foot of Susan's bed. "Maybe it would give you something to do besides flit about town playing Susie Socialite."

"Edmund!" Susan cried, shocked at her brother's snarky comment.

"Well, I'm sorry. But that's all you seem to care about these days and it worries me. Those new friends of yours are pretty awful, if you ask me," he said.

"Well no one asked you, Edmund," Susan snapped.

"Children, children," Peter said sternly from where he had moved to the end of Lucy's bed. His scolding earned him two glares from Edmund and Susan and a gentle whack from a pillow, courtesy of Lucy.

"Stop acting like you're so grown up," she said, giggling as a few feathers flew from her pillow.

"Lucy, we are grown up," Susan said.

"We're just waiting for you to catch up," Edmund added teasingly. Lucy stuck her tongue out at her brother, causing all her siblings to laugh. When their laughter died down Peter asked, "What do you make of Mum and Dad asking us about our love lives? I hated being put on the spot like that, especially since I couldn't answer them honestly."

"That was simply awful!" Lucy agreed.

"Awful," Edmund said quietly. Susan glanced up at her younger brother and saw the raw emotion on his face that she had seen earlier. She yearned to lean over and hug him, comfort him from his loss, but she knew that to do so would be to admit that she did indeed remember Narnia and she was in no mood for the fight she knew that would lead to.

"Oh, Edmund, I'm sorry we even brought it up!" Lucy cried, jumping off her bed and hugging her brother. Susan felt a pang of envy towards her sister's ability to comfort others when she could not. When Lucy pulled away she asked, "Does it hurt terribly?" Edmund smiled and rolled his eyes at his younger sister.

"Yes, it hurts, but don't be so dramatic about it. I deal just fine. It's hard some days, knowing she's gone. It's been increasingly harder the past month though; I've felt like I've seen her everywhere and everything reminds me of her. Sometimes it feels like she's calling to me, urging me to go find her. But I know that's silly. She's back in Narnia and I'm here," he explained sadly.

The siblings were silent for several moments before Peter spoke, "Maybe tomorrow will be good for you then, Ed. Professor Kirke has told me often that remembering Narnia with its friends helps to take the pain from missing it away."

"Oh yes! I nearly forgot about our visit to Professor Kirke!" Lucy said, clapping her hands. "You'll come too, won't you Susan?"

Susan gave her sister a funny look and said, "Lucy, you know I don't have time to go play silly childish games. I have other plans anyway. As fond as I am of Professor Kirke and Ms. Plummer, I think they do you all a grave disservice by playing make-believe with you." Lucy's face turned to one of shock, her eyes wide and her jaw dropped.

"Susan, how can you be that way?" Peter asked angrily.

"I'm sorry, Peter, but I think one of us needs to remember that we're grown-ups and set their foot down. And since it won't be you, it has to be me," Susan retorted. The two older siblings stared viciously at each other; their fights, though rare, tended to escalate quickly until they were both screaming at the other. Peter gave a small growl and pushed himself off Lucy's bed, his fists clenched as he stormed out of the girls' bedroom.

Lucy stood and turned to her sister, crying, "Why do you always have to ruin our lovely moments? Just because you don't believe in Narnia anymore doesn't mean you have to ruin it for everyone!" She hurried after Peter, hoping she could calm him down before his temper really got out of hand. Susan sighed and looked at her remaining sibling.

"Ed," she began apologetically but was cut off by Edmund's raised hand.

"Don't, Susan. You don't have to apologize. We've heard it all before," he said quietly, his voice filled with disappointment.

"I just don't see the point in it anymore," Susan whispered as she drew up her knees to her chest.

"The point is that it really happened. Those were really our lives. Susan, how could you forget? How do you not remember who you were? Who you _are_?" Edmund asked pleadingly. Susan glanced up and saw hurt in her brother's eyes. She knew the hurt was because of her, because of her rejection.

"Edmund, I just can't. You can't remember something that never happened," she said firmly. Edmund drew his mouth into a tight line and nodded curtly before standing and walking silently out of the room. Susan watched him leave, shutting the door behind him. Sighing, she scooted down her bed under the covers, pulling them over her head. It felt like hours before she heard Lucy stomp angrily into the room and huff as she climbed into her own bed. _She's right,_ Susan though._ I do ruin everything_.

The next morning Susan woke late and went downstairs for breakfast._ With Peter back, I hope they've left me something to eat!_ she thought. Peter's appetite always shocked Susan whenever he came home. When she came to the bottom of the stairs, she saw her siblings in the hallway near the door getting ready to leave. Two others were with them in the hall, shaking off an umbrella.

"Eustace! Jill!" Susan exclaimed, pulling her robe tighter around her as she greeted her cousin and his friend. She tolerated both of them, Eustace more than Jill. He had gotten better over the years and was not nearly as bratty as he had been as a child. Susan thought Jill was still a bit of a know-it-all and had a habit to be a little overly-teary at times. She gave them both quick hugs, trying to avoid getting wet from their rain clothes.

"Bit of a late sleeper, aren't you?" Jill asked, giggling as she pulled away from Susan.

Susan gave her a forced pleasant smile and said, "We were all up late last night catching up. I didn't realize everyone was going to be leaving so early; I would have woken sooner had I known."

"Oh, are you coming with us today?" Eustace asked, eager for his cousin to join them.

"I don't think so, Eustace. I have a really busy day planned today," Susan answered kindly.

"Oh, come on Su. Just this once?" Peter asked hopefully.

"Peter, you know I won't. I have other things to do and other interests than talking about some game," Susan snapped. It annoyed her that her brother would ask her again, even after she had explained her reasons to him several times.

"All you care about now is lipstick and fashion and what parties you'll get invited to!" Jill exclaimed, rolling her eyes at Susan.

"Jill, that was uncalled for!" Eustace said, nudging his friend in the arm.

"Well it's true," Jill muttered, rubbing the spot where Eustace had nudged her.

"I'm sorry I don't want to pretend those silly games anymore! We're all grown-ups now. We had a wonderful time playing as children, but really. I've put those childish games away," Susan replied haughtily.

"Susan," Edmund began sadly.

"Don't bother, Ed," she replied as she stormed out of the hallway to the kitchen. Tears began welling in her eyes as she heard Peter say, "She's no longer a friend to Narnia, it seems. I don't see the point in trying to convince her anymore."

"Peter, she's our sister and a queen of Narnia. We have to keep trying, no matter how much she keeps fighting her memories," Edmund said softly.

The week passed by slowly, Susan and her siblings speaking very little to each other. It was near the end of the week when Susan awoke from the sound of a creak in the hallway. Startled, she sat up and peered through the darkness at her sister's now empty bed. The creak that had woken her was followed by a loud thump and someone hissing "Shh!" Cocking an eyebrow at her bedroom door she stood and crept quietly to it, opening it slowly. A light shone up the stairs from below. Susan tip-toed down the stairs to see who was up at the early hour.

In the hallway stood Lucy, straightening the caps of two men dressed in workmen's clothing. Susan leaned her head to the right, curious as to why her younger sister was with two strange men in the middle of the night.

"Lucy, what on earth are you doing?" she asked. Lucy jumped, startled at Susan's appearance, and the two men turned.

"Edmund! Peter!" Susan cried.

"Shh!" Edmund hissed, waving his hands at Susan. "You'll wake Mum and Dad!"

"What are you doing?" Susan hissed back, narrowing her eyes at her brothers.

"Don't tell her Ed," Peter said quietly, his voice angry.

"Oh, shut up," Edmund said, giving his brother an annoyed look. Turning back to Susan he whispered, "We're going to find the rings Professor Kirke and Aunt Polly used to travel to Narnia before."

"You're going…" Susan trailed off, letting the meaning behind Edmund's words sink in, her eyes widening as she understood their meaning. "But you're not allow-" she quickly stopped herself before finishing her sentence. She was going to say "But you're not allowed back in Narnia," but knew if she finished her sentence her years of pretending would be discovered. Edmund narrowed his eyes at Susan, realizing her near mistake. Lucy and Peter took no notice of her slip as they continued to work on Peter's workmen's clothes. Peter glanced at the clock hanging on the wall.

"We need to be going Ed," he said quietly. Edmund nodded, keeping his eyes on Susan.

"You two go on ahead. I need to talk to Susan for a minute," he said.

"Okay, but make it quick. We need to hurry so we can get the rings before Eustace and Jill's train gets into the station," Peter said as he opened the front door. Lucy followed him out, giving Susan a small smile. When the two were out the door and it closed behind them, Edmund looked darkly at Susan.

"You do remember," he said shortly.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Susan said softly, knowing her brother saw straight through her lie.

"Stop with the lies, Susan!" Edmund cried softly. "I know you remember and I know you're only pretending you don't!" He grabbed her arm tightly and shook her as he spoke.

"Okay! I remember!" Susan cried loudly.

"Why have you been acting like this all these years?" Edmund asked, releasing her arm.

"It's been easier to pretend Narnia doesn't exist than to admit that it does. You found happiness in Narnia, Edmund. You never got hurt by it!" she said.

"Never got hurt by it? Susan, have you lost your mind? I'm hurt by it every day!" Edmund said angrily. Susan's eyes opened wide at her brother's admission.

"Then why do you still believe in it?" she asked. Edmund sighed and shook his head.

"You don't get it, do you? How can I not believe in something that actually happened? It's like saying I don't believe in my 7th birthday party," he explained. Susan smiled gently at hearing this. "Also," Edmund continued. "I believe in it because I have to. Because I need to. I don't think Aslan took us from that world as a punishment like you think. He has other plans for us, greater than anything we could have accomplished while in Narnia. You have to believe that Susan."

"I just can't, Edmund. I can't see what other life there is besides the one I was forced to leave. I can't see what other purpose Aslan could possibly have for me here," she said softly.

Edmund sighed and said, "I need to get going. Come with us, Su. Come help us as a Queen of Narnia should." Susan shook her head, a tear running down her cheek.

"I can't," she whispered, her voice breaking.

Edmund hugged her tightly and whispered, "I understand and I'm sorry you feel that way. I hope one day you come back to us, Queen Susan."

* * *

Susan turned as she heard someone enter the room. A middle-aged man walked in and shut the door behind him. He was kind looking with greying hair and a warm smile.

"Mrs. Pevensie," he began as he walked to Susan and shook her hand. When he released her from his grasp he moved behind a large oak desk to sit, stopping slightly when Susan spoke, "Actually, it's Miss Pevensie."

"Oh, I see," the man said, his smile turning into a frown. "Well that, I suppose, changes things."

"What do you mean?" Susan asked as she sat up straighter in her chair.

"Perhaps you would like to call your mother? A sister, maybe?" the man suggested.

"My mother and sister are dead, Dr. Graves. I put that in my medical forms," Susan said angrily. Dr. Graves looked shocked at his mistake before straightening his face.

"Of course, dear. I apologize for my mistake. I just hate giving such news to unwed mothers who are alone," he said gently.

"Wait, what? Mothers? I'm not a mother," Susan exclaimed.

"I'm afraid, my dear, you are. Your nausea, headaches, excessive tiredness: all reasons you came in here for and all happening because you are indeed expecting," Dr. Graves explained.

"I don't know how this could have happened," Susan whispered, shock setting in. Dr. Graves chuckled slightly, earning him a deadly glare from Susan.

"You say you've been feeling these symptoms for just over a month. I assume you can think back to the cause of your pregnancy that happened just over a month ago?" he suggested.

"Of course," Susan said quietly.

"Perhaps you'll want to call the father and tell him the happy news?" Dr. Graves asked.

Susan glared up at him, her eyes cold, and said, "That won't be necessary. Thank you, Dr. Graves." Susan stood to leave, gathering her coat and purse.

"My dear," Dr. Graves said, causing Susan to pause without turning. "You won't do anything reckless, will you? We have programs here to help women who find themselves in a family situation."

"Of course, Doctor. You have nothing to worry about. I'll take care of myself and my baby," Susan said as she turned to look back at the doctor, smiling at him. The picture on the wall that she had stared at earlier caught her eye as she walked towards the door. It was a diagram of a baby inside its mother's stomach. Susan stared briefly at the picture, another wave of nausea hitting her. Closing her eyes tightly, she forced it back, fighting to control herself. Continuing her walk out the door, she placed her hand on her stomach. When she closed the office door behind her, she leaned against it and looked down at where her hand rested. "A baby," she whispered.


	8. In the Graveyard

**AN: As promised, a non-depressing chapter. In fact, with the exception of the first chapter, this is my favorite so far! And since this is a short chapter (compared to the others) and since I did something similar in "Choosing Grace," I thought I'd give you sort of a status update/justification of Susan's character. And if you'd rather not read it, I'm fine with that.**

Susan took a deep breath. Aunt Alberta and Uncle Harold were seated on their nondescript sofa, the dull grey color blending in perfectly with their dull living room. Susan had always hated visiting them as a child, their house perfectly dull and adventureless. Her aunt and uncle considered themselves to be modern people of the world, although her parents referred to them as their rather odder relatives.

"Well, dear? What was it you wanted to speak to us about?" Uncle Harold asked gently.

"Have you finally decided to sell your house?" Aunt Alberta asked, a little too excited.

"Um, no," Susan said pointedly. "I have some rather, unfortunate, I suppose, news. It seems that I," she began, her heart starting to race. A wave of nausea overtook her, her skin growing clammy. "Oh dear!" she cried as she rushed to the downstairs lavatory, where she was sick for several minutes. When she returned she saw that both her aunt and uncle had turned stark white and were both staring hard at her.

"Good God, you're pregnant!" Aunt Alberta cried. Susan nodded as she pressed her hand to her stomach.

"Oh, what would your mother think?" Uncle Harold asked, shaking his head.

"I suspect she wouldn't be too proud of me," Susan whispered. "I just hope you two won't dislike me too badly now."

"Susan. Dear girl. If there's one thing we've learned from losing our son it's that you can't judge your children too harshly. Now, you're not our child, but over the past year you've certainly become like a daughter to Alberta and me," Uncle Harold said, wiping his eyes. Susan had forgotten how weepy and sentimental the two could get.

She smiled and said, "Thank you, Uncle Harold. I can't tell you how much hearing that means to me."

When she returned to her seat across from her aunt and uncle, Aunt Alberta asked, "Dear, I was wondering if you do us one favor?"

"Um, what's that?" Susan asked hesitantly.

"You were always Eustace's favorite cousin. He talked about you all the time," she began.

_I thought the little brat hated me. He was always whining that I'd never talk about being a queen and my time in Narnia with him_, Susan thought, inwardly rolling her eyes.

"I was just wondering, if you thought it would be a good idea, of course," Aunt Alberta continued, wringing her hands together nervously.

"Just ask, Aunt Alberta," Susan said, smiling at her aunt.

"I was wondering, if your baby was a boy, you could possibly name him after my Eustace. It would make me so happy and I know Eustace would have liked it," she spat out quickly.

* * *

The next month brought with it more changes than Susan found she could handle. Her pregnancy was soon discovered and the gossip mongers began spreading tales of Susan Pevensie's wild summer in France. She was all but kicked out of every organization she belonged to and was no longer invited to the parties she had always recieved an invitation for. Her friends quickly abandoned her; even Charity had stopped speaking to her after Mrs. Clayworth warned her that Susan was no longer the type of woman she would want to be seen with, let alone stand as maid of honor in her wedding. Her treatment finally opened her eyes to the hypocrisy of her life and those she had surrounded herself with. Suddenly, she found everything she loved grossly distasteful and felt perfectly happy no longer being included in it.

Susan continued to be sick from her pregnancy each day and felt like she was dying most of them. Her body began to change as the baby grew; her clothing no longer fit and she found herself continuously having to visit a seamstress to help her take out her clothes. Her mother's clothes, which Susan had no heart to throw out, luckily were a little large on her, so she often wore some of them as she continued to grow. By the end of November, her stomach was a small round curve, which was growing every day, and she no longer could hide the fact that she was pregnant.

Bills were also beginning to add up. Susan was having to visit the doctor continuously it seemed, for this check-up or that check-up. Her clothing costs were building up as well. And that didn't include the extra food she had to buy, (per the doctor's orders), the cost of transportation (she found she could no longer walk as much as she was once able to without getting tired), and other various household bills. Uncle Harold had offered to help with her finances, but Susan had declined, stating that she would manage. Her monthly stipend from her dwindling trust fund seemed to get smaller and smaller each month.

It was a cold and rainy day when Susan found herself at her kitchen table, her newest bills spread out on it along with her bills that had been piling up for over a month. Staring at them, she felt hopeless and couldn't find a place to start. "There's no way I can afford all of this anymore," she whispered. The one solution that she could think of nagged her in the back of her mind. She had been thinking of it for days but was still unable to say it aloud. Without thinking, she stood and walked to the phone. Her fingers automatically dialed a number and she heard the familiar ringing from the receiver.

"Hello?" a woman answered on the other end of the line.

"May I speak to Robert?" Susan asked timidly.

"I'm sorry, he is not in right now. He should be back in a bit though. May I leave him a message from you?" the woman asked kindly.

"Yes, please. Could you tell him that Susan called?" she asked.

"Of course. Is there a message?" the woman asked.

"Tell him… tell him that I was in need of a friend." Susan said softly.

"I will. Thank you for calling," the woman said before hanging up. Susan gently placed the receiver back on its cradle and sighed. Staring out the window, she saw that it had stopped raining. Again without thinking, she rushed to the entryway and grasped her coat and scarf from the coat rack and pulled it on. As an afterthought, she grabbed an umbrella leaning against the door as she walked outside.

Susan stood before her family's gravestones a bit out of breath. She had walked to the cemetery from her house, which ordinarily wouldn't have winded her a bit, but now that she was pregnant it had taken her twice as long and included a couple stops along the way to rest. She smiled down at where her family lay, wishing she had some flowers to place on their graves. After staring at her parents' gravestones for several long moments, she moved closer to her three siblings.

The Pevensies had a family plot in the large cemetery, which was where her family was now buried, and when Susan was working to make funeral arrangements she had purposely left a spot empty between Peter and Lucy. Their graves were arranged as the siblings had sat in their thrones at Cair Paravel. Susan was only waiting to take her place next to them. For now, however, she sat on her knees on the empty spot between where her oldest brother and sister were buried, wrapping her coat tightly around her and placing the umbrella on the ground near her knee.

"Hi," she said softly. "Things have gotten bad, I must say. I'm in way over my head now and don't know what to do. Well, that's not really true. I know what I must do, I just can't bring myself to do it. But there is a bit of happy news to tell you. You're going to be an aunt and uncles soon!" Susan pushed back her coat slightly and placed her hands on her round stomach, as though she was showing her siblings that she was pregnant.

"I know it's not the best of circumstances, but I love this baby more than anything. And I'll tell it all about you three, every day," she promised. Several silent moments passed as Susan drew her courage to say what she had been thinking for days. Taking a deep breath she said quickly, "I think I'm going to sell the house. I don't want to, but I can't afford to keep it up and with the baby coming it will just be too expensive. Uncle Harold and Aunt Alberta have said plenty of times that I can move in with them so I'll have a place to go until…" Susan drifted off.

_Until when?_ she thought. Staring at her siblings graves, she felt as though their sympathetic eyes were watching her. Pulling her coat tightly around her against a sudden cold breeze, Susan closed her eyes and let her family's presence wash over her.

The crunch of the cold frozen grass next to her brought her out of daze. Glaring up, she saw a pair of sparkling blue-green eyes staring down at her, a warm smile smiling widely at her.

"Robert," she said.

He crouched down beside her and said, "I thought I might find you here. I called your house and when there was no answer I stopped by, but it seemed you were out. I almost went home, but thought I would see if you were here."

"Yeah," Susan breathed. _Yeah? Really Susan? You haven't seen him in months and that's the best you can say? _she mentally scolded herself. "I mean, I just needed to get out of the house and go somewhere peaceful," she said quickly.

"You come to a graveyard when you need some peace?" Robert asked skeptically, raising an eyebrow. Susan blushed and quickly stammered a response.

"What I meant was- I just came here to- Oh, stop it!" she cried, seeing Robert's teasing face. "I just needed someone to talk to. And my siblings have gotten to be really good listeners over the past year and a half," she said. Robert's eyes widened in horror at hearing Susan's words before she burst out laughing. "Oh, the look on your face made that horrible joke worth it!" she laughed.

"That really was terrible," Robert playfully scolded.

"So what were you four discussing?" he asked as he sat next to her.

"I was just telling them about things that have been going on, changes in my life. Things like that," Susan said nonchalantly.

"And they took it well, I presume?" Robert teased.

"They were a little grave at first," Susan replied, ruining her seriousness by giggling over her joke.

"The French seemed to have ruined you humor," Robert chuckled. Susan gave him a sad smile and looked back at her siblings' graves.

"I've decided to sell my house," she stated.

"Why?" Robert asked.

"I just can't keep it anymore. The expenses are piling up. And you were right all along: it is an awfully big house for just one person," she said, remembering the first time Robert had seen her home.

"I'm really sorry, Susan. I know how hard it must be for you. I'll help you however I can with it, though," he said, placing his hand over hers that rested on the ground.

"I could use some help packing," Susan said hopefully.

"Of course," Robert said, giving her a warm smile. The two sat for nearly an hour talking and catching up, neither wanting to address what had happened earlier in the summer. When there was finally a lull in their conversation, Robert asked, "So what ever happened with Philip?" Susan shook her head.

"You were right. He wasn't the best sort of guy," she said, unable to meet Robert's gaze.

"Did he hurt you?" Robert asked. Susan glanced at him, the angry tone of his voice making her eyes grow wide.

"No, it was nothing like that," she said softly. The temperature had begun to drop as the afternoon wore on. Susan pulled her coat tighter around her and shivered. The slight movement didn't go unnoticed by Robert and he asked, "Do you want to go?"

"I suppose I should be going. It is getting late," Susan nodded as she started to heave herself up. She momentarily forgot her pregnacy and let her unbuttoned coat go, exposing her rounded stomach. She heard Robert's sharp intake of breath and looked up, his eyes flashing furiously.

"I'll kill him," Robert said, his voice deadly. Susan gasped and quickly pulled her coat around her waist, her face flushing instantly.

"Robert, it's not what you think…" Susan trailed off as Robert stood, his face dark with anger. He reached over and pulled Susan's coat open.

"Oh, it's not? You've what? Just gotten fat?" Robert asked sarcastically. Susan gasped again, this time out of indignation.

"I'm not fat!" she cried as she grabbed her coat away from Robert, wrapping it back around herself.

"Does he know?" Robert asked flatly.

Susan shook her head and said, "No. He's out of my life for good. I found out I was pregnant after I left France." The two were silent for several long moments.

"Is this why you're selling your house?" Robert asked quietly.

"Yes," Susan whispered, her eyes filling with tears. Sighing, Robert took Susan's hand and squeezed it gently. She stared up at him, surprised at his gesture.

"I'm your guy, Susan," he said softly.

"What do you mean?" she asked, confused by his words.

"I know the baby's not mine, and I know I have no right to say this, but if you need anything, I want to help. If you need money, support, someone to watch the kid while you, oh I don't know, take a bubble bath, I'm your guy," Robert explained. Trembling, Susan stepped towards Robert and wrapped her arms around his middle, hugging him tightly.

"Thank you," she whispered as his arms wrapped around her. The two stood that way for several minutes before Robert chuckled, "I, for one, am very glad you didn't get fat. I don't think I'd like to feel that belly of yours every time I hugged you for the rest of my life." Susan pulled back, her eyes shining as she feigned a look of shock.

"That's terrible," she said, lightly hitting Robert in the chest as she turned to leave.

"Ow," Robert said mockingly, rubbing the spot where she had hit him.

"Baby," Susan called over her shoulder as Robert jogged to catch up to her.

* * *

**AN #2: I'm pretty certain I mentioned this at some point (probably not in this story), but I really have never felt drawn to Susan. I have this vague memory of being a child and watching those terrible BBC movies of the Narnia books. Susan was so Plain-Jane, so vanilla in them. I watched them again a while back and thought "Man, they really missed the mark with Susan." Of course, I thought that about all the characters except Peter (he was kinda spot-on, I thought). Especially Lucy... don't get me started on the poor girl who played Lucy. They really messed up there... poor girl. Anyway.. not getting onto that tangent. Back to why I was never drawn to Susan. She's kinda dull. But then I remembered that in 4th grade my teacher (who I will ALWAYS thank for doing this) read us the Narnia books in class. He used all sorts of different voices for the characters, too. I'll never forget how we all jumped when the White Witch first spoke. It still makes me giggle. I instantly fell in love with the Narnia books that year and have really loved them ever since. But again... I digress. Back to Susan. I remember really loving her then. She was pretty and kind and gentle and sweet... all the things I really liked in a good book character when I was, what? 9? Clearly, I wasn't very deep then.**

**Of course, as I grew older I started liking characters who had a little bit more to them. I won't name them because I really don't remember. So I think that's why I was never drawn to Susan because I thought she was a little bland with not much personality. And sorta... I dunno... "Oh I'm so good and I'm helpless and silly and blah blah blah." Not sure what the adjective for that is. Anway... After watching the newer movies that have come out in recent years, I liked that characterization of Susan, but still knew she wasn't my favorite because I knew from the books she wasn't that exciting. So during the process of writing "Choosing Grace" and starting "Receiving Grace," I began to reread the Narnia books, looking for some clues that I could use when developing characters. While doing so I came across a gem of a line that made me realize that Susan isn't so bland... she's actually a pretty sassy character. The line is found in _Prince Caspian _when the siblings are arguing over whether they should follow Lucy to see Aslan, even though none of them besides Lucy has seen him, and Susan is mad because everyone decides to follow Lucy: "Susan was the worst. "Supposing I started behaving like Lucy," she said"I might threaten to stay here whether the rest of you went on or not. I jolly well think I shall."" When I read that I laughed and thought "Now that's the Susan I want to write about." Whiny, obstinate, pitches-a-fit but redeems herself later Susan. Which I hope I have...**

**And as for Robert... the Robert in my mind (which I'm sure hasn't really gotten into any of the chapters yet) is dreamy... I'll work on him some in the upcoming chapters. Also... for those of you who are reading this as I'm writing... I've gone back and changed Robert's hair color. Blonde just wasn't working for me. It's now brown. If you don't like it though, you can just pretend he's blonde.**


	9. What Robert Revealed

**AN: Two quick things before you being. 1) The first scene with the umbrella really has nothing to do with the story. I actually was laying in bed the night after I posted the last chapter and suddenly thought "Oh no! I forgot she took an umbrella with her to the cemetery!" It really wasn't a big deal, but I wanted to keep up the continuity... or whatever it is. 2) Don't overthink some of the sections in this chapter... Not trying to spoil your fun, but I have NO clue where I'm taking this and keep coming up with different scenarios. I mean, make your conclusions if you want, just don't overthink it too much. **

* * *

The two walked back to Robert's car that waited on the street next to the cemetery. "Thank you for offering to drive me home," Susan said. Robert snorted and turned to her and smiled.

"As though I would make a lady with a baby walk all that way," he chuckled. "What kind of man do you take me for?"

Susan smiled up at him, saying silently to herself, _The best kind_.

They were only a few feet from the car when a clap of thunder echoed, causing them both to jump. Robert glanced up at the darkening sky and said, "We had better hurry; it looks as though it's about to-" he stopped abruptly as a torrent of rain fell from the sky.

"Rain," Susan finished laughingly.

"Hurry!" Robert said, pulling her towards the car quickly. When they reached the car, Robert jerked open the passenger door for Susan, who slid in quickly before Robert shut the door. He ran around to the driver's side and got in, slamming his door behind him.

"My umbrella! I left it!" Susan cried.

"You've got to be kidding me," Robert muttered.

"I'll go get it," Susan said, placing her hand on the door to open it.

"Are you crazy?" Robert asked as he reached over and pulled Susan's door shut. "I'll just buy you a new one."

"But I like that one!" Susan said indignantly.

"Oh for goodness' sake! I'll go get it," Robert grumbled, opening his door to step out in the rain. Susan smiled watched as he ran in front of the car and back to the cemetery. He returned shortly, her umbrella tucked under his arm. When he jumped in the car he threw Susan's umbrella in the back seat, splashing her with raindrops. She giggled at his soaked appearance, his dark hair plastered to his head and his wet clothes quickly soaking the seat.

"Why didn't you use the umbrella?" she asked mischievously.

He glared at her and growled, "That isn't funny." He stuck the keys in the ignition and started the car.

"It was a little funny," Susan giggled as they pulled away from the curb.

As they drove through the streets of London to Susan's house they sat silently, letting the heater warm them. Robert saw a motion out of the corner of his eye and glanced at Susan. She was rubbing a hand over her stomach as she stared out the window.

"Susan," he began slowly, returning his eyes to the road.

"Hmm?" she asked dreamily as she pulled her eyes away from the window to look at him.

"It may be none of my business, but how did it happen?" he asked.

"How did what happen?" she asked in return, confused by his question. Robert turned towards her and quickly glanced at her stomach where her hand lay.

"Oh, that," she said softly, understanding his question. "I suppose it happened in the normal way. You know, boy meets girl…" she trailed off.

"Well I got that far with the explanation," Robert said dryly, his hands tightening on the steering wheel. "I meant what happened there? Did he force you or take advantage of you?"

"No, I suppose it's nothing like that," she began but was cut off by Robert.

"You 'suppose?' Susan, what happened?" he demanded angrily.

"He isn't a bad guy. Stop trying to paint him as the villain. If anyone in this story is, it's me. Not him," Susan snapped, furrowing her forehead.

"I find that hard to believe," Robert muttered.

"Robert," Susan said warningly.

"Okay, okay. Not the bad guy," Robert said exasperated.

"The night it happened we were at a dinner party and I had too much to drink," Susan explained.

"Susan," Robert groaned, interrupting her again.

"Shh!" Susan hissed. "As I was saying, I had too much to drink at dinner. And Philip announced during dinner that he was going to propose, and then the dinner turned into a party and I drank too much champagne because I was nervous about him proposing. He asked me to go upstairs with him because he said he had something for me, so I went. Although I didn't really want to. And he did ask me to marry him; he was quite nice about it, too. And he kissed me when he put the ring on me (I didn't even see it), and the kissing led to other things and other things led to-" Susan was cut off by Robert's hand over her mouth.

"I really don't suggest you finishing that sentence," he said seriously. Susan smiled behind Robert's hand and pulled it away from her mouth.

"Sorry," she apologized. "Afterwards, I just left. I took the ring off, put it on the bedside table, told him I didn't love him, and left. A week later I came back to London. And then a month later, I found out I was pregnant."

"And you never told him?" Robert asked as he placed his hand back on the steering wheel. He turned the car down a street lined with houses, slowing to stop in front of the fourth one on the left. Susan glanced out the window at her house, the rain still falling from the darkened sky.

"I never told him. So you see how I'm the bad guy?" she whispered without turning back to look at Robert. There was a moment of silence before Robert spoke.

"Susan, look at me," he ordered quietly. She slowly turned her head towards him and met his piercing blue-green eyes. "You aren't the bad guy," he said firmly. Susan took a deep breath, struggling to control her emotions which threatened to overtake her. "You just got a little misdirected," Robert continued. "There's nothing wrong with that. We just need to work on getting you back to the right path."

_"My lord," a soldier cried breathlessly as he burst through the door into the large library. _

_"Captain?" the lord questioned, standing in alarm at the state of the captain of the guard. _

_"Beaversdam has been taken. Telmarines," the captain said as he struggled to catch his breath. _

_"Does the king know?" the lord asked. _

_"No, my lord. I came to you first," the captain said. _

_"Good. How large is their army? Can we overtake them?" the lord asked as he gathered his cloak which had been lying on the table next to him, swinging it around his shoulders as he strode to the door. _

_"No, my lord. From what I've been told, we're outnumbered. One hundred to one. There's no way we can win," the captain said, his voice morose. The lord stopped at the door and turned to look at the captain. _

_Placing his hand on the hilt of his sword which he wore at his waist, he said sadly, "Then I suppose we'll have to die trying."_

"Are you going to use the umbrella this time?" Susan teased as Robert opened his door. Robert gave her a dirty look as he reached behind him and grabbed the umbrella from the back seat. His glare earned him a stunningly sweet smile from Susan. Rolling his eyes he climbed out of the car and slammed his door behind him before walking to Susan's and opening it for her.

"I hope that baby is a daughter who uses your exact same tricks on you," he threatened as Susan stepped out of the car. She laughed as she closed the door behind her.

"I would be more worried for the men in her life if it is a daughter. My poor father never stood a chance with me. My mother, on the other hand, was immune to my "feminine wiles," as my father called them. Probably because she used so many of them herself when she was younger," she explained as they hurried up the walk leading to Susan's house.

"What was she like?" Robert asked, shaking the umbrella out when they reached the door. Susan reached in her purse and pulled out a set of keys and unlocked the front door.

"My mother? She was wonderful. Absolutely amazing. The most beautiful woman I ever knew," Susan said softly, her voice filled with love and sadness.

"With a daughter like you, I imagine she wouldn't have been anything else," Robert said.

Susan blushed and said, "I have a picture inside. Would you like to see?"

"Why, are you inviting me in, Miss Pevensie?" Robert asked, feigning shock.

"Yes, what will the neighbors think?" Susan said sarcastically. Robert laughed loudly. "'Oh, that Susan Pevensie. What a detriment to the neighborhood she is'," Susan said in a poor imitation of a different voice.

"Oh, stop it and just go in. It's getting colder out here," Robert groaned as he gently pushed Susan through the open door.

"Brr, it's cold in here," Susan mentioned when they had walked into the small foyer. Robert shut the door behind them and helped Susan pull off her wet coat.

"Well, why don't you go put on some dry clothes and I'll go see about starting a fire to warm the place up? Do you have any wood?" Robert asked as he hung Susan's coat on the coat rack.

"I do. It's just through there, in the living room," Susan said pointing at an open doorway. She started up the stairs, but stopped on the second one and turned. "You're all wet too," she stated.

"You don't say?" Robert chuckled as he turned in the doorway.

Susan smiled and continued, "What I meant to say was you need some dry clothes."

"Well, as nice as that would be, all of mine are unfortunately at my house, which is across town," Robert said.

"You look about my brother's size. I'll get you some of his clothes," Susan said quickly as she turned to race up the stairs. _Or as much as a pregnant woman can race up the stairs,_ she thought dryly. She entered her bedroom and began pulling her wet clothes off. A towel hung over a screen in her room. She grabbed it and began drying herself off before digging through her wardrobe and pulling out clean, dry clothes.

Once she was dressed she went to the bathroom and got a clean towel for Robert before going to her brothers' room. Susan slowly pushed open the door as she entered the bedroom. Like her old room she shared with Lucy, she couldn't bear to change anything about the room, fearing it would destroy the precious few pieces of her brothers she had left.

Peter's side, which had always been a bit neater than Edmund's, had small stacks of textbooks from University on nearly every surface. His small bookshelf was lined with even more books, mainly ones on politics, and interspersed were trinkets and photographs he had collected over the years. His wall was covered in awards, news clippings and a large map of Europe. _I never understood the purpose behind that map,_ Susan thought.

She turned to look at Edmund's messier side of the room and smiled as she looked at all the things her younger brother had loved. Not to be outdone by his older brother, Edmund, too, had his wall lined with awards, although his were mainly sports awards rather than the academic ones Peter's wall boasted. He also had a large collection of books, mostly historical ones, lining a shelf over his desk. A chess set was still set up on his desk, as if it had been abandoned in the middle of a game. Next to the chess set was a schedule of numbers and times. Susan looked closer at it and recognized it as a train schedule. One of the times was circled and the words "Rings, Eustace and Jill."

"Why? What was happening that they needed those rings?" Susan asked the room.

"What rings?" Robert asked from behind her. Susan gasped and spun around.

"What are you doing up here?" she asked.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to intrude," he said.

"No, it's okay," she said quietly.

"May I come in?" he asked. Susan nodded. "So this is your brothers' room?" Robert asked as he walked in, surveying the room.

"Yes. This is Peter and Edmund," she answered as she swept her hand around. She watched as Robert looked at her brothers' belongings, smiling when he did. "I was going to get you some dry clothes," she said, suddenly remembering why she had come to the room. She moved to Peter's dresser and opened it, pulling out various pieces of clothing for Robert to wear. "Here you go," she said, holding out the stack of clothing. "You can change in the bathroom down the hall."

"Thanks," Robert said as he took the clothes and walked out of the room. Susan walked to the door and turned, giving the room one final glance before walking out and pulling the door closed behind her.

Susan walked down the stairs and into the living room. A roaring fire was blazing in the fireplace, the warmth permeating the room. She sat on the wing chair nearest the fire, holding her hands in front of it. "You know, I don't think I'm quite your brother's size," Robert said as he walked in the room. Susan turned from the fire and immediately covered her mouth to muffle her laughter. Robert stood in the doorway dressed in Peter's old clothes. The button down shirt Susan had given him was left open and the long sleeves a couple inches from his wrists. The pants, while buttoned, were slightly too short. He had his still wet clothes bundled together in his hand.

"I suppose I misjudged you," Susan said, her voice shaking with laughter.

"I look ridiculous," Robert muttered as he walked into the room, stopping in front of the fire place. He moved the metal fire screen so that it sat closer to the fire and began hanging his wet clothes on it.

"I guess I always thought my brother was bigger than he actually was," Susan said softly.

"Older brothers tend to do that," Robert replied, turning to look at her.

"You had an older brother?" Susan asked, surprised. Robert nodded as he crouched by the fire, picking up the poker and moving the logs. "You never told me," she stated.

"He was killed. During the war," Robert said. Susan was silent for several moments before whispering, "I'm sorry." Robert stood and brushed his hands together.

"It's okay. It was a long time ago," he said as he moved to sit on the sofa across from her. They were both silent as they watched the fire dancing in the fire place. "He saved my life once," Robert said suddenly. He smiled sadly at Susan. "I was eight and he was about fifteen. We were fishing one summer and I climbed into a tree overlooking the water. The branch was dead, rotten, and it broke under my weight and I fell into the water. I had never learned to swim, so George jumped in and pulled me out," he explained.

"Older brothers tend to do that," Susan said, giving Robert a small smile.

_"Edmund, what are you doing?" Susan cried as she burst into the library. Her younger brother was seated at a long table, dozens of books spread out on it. _

_"I'm reading about the Telmarine invasion. We just fought a war because of it. I'd like to know how it happened," he answered without looking up from the book he was reading. _

_"Edmund, tomorrow night is the ball celebrating the dignitaries from the visiting islands. You need to go get your final fittings for your new tunic," Susan said exasperated. Edmund looked up, his face full of annoyance. _

_"Su, I don't _need _another tunic. I have dozens upon dozens as it is. I could outfit the entire Narnian army with the amount of tunics I have. I'll just wear the green one with the gold thingies on it," he said, motioning with his hand towards his chest as if to explain what he meant. _

_"You can't wear that one! You wore it last year to the coronation ball!" Susan exclaimed banging her hands on the table. _

_"No one will remember what I wore over a year ago," he replied. _

_"Everyone remembers what the king wears," she grumbled. _

_"Fine, if it'll get you off my case, I'll go finish getting fitted for yet another pointless tunic," Edmund sighed. _

_"Thank you," Susan said, sighing in relief. _

_"After I finish reading this chapter," he added. Susan threw up her hands in frustration. _

_"I hope you're at least finding out something important then," she muttered. _

_"I am. Listen to this: it seems that when the Telmarines invaded it was a near surprise attack. They started at Beaversdam and worked their way through Narnia. Since there weren't really many men to fight, only the Narnians, it was apparently easier for the Telmarines to defeat them. Word had spread, of course, so those here at Cair Paravel, or rather the old Cair Paravel, knew an army was coming. There ended up being a large battle here and, according to this book, the Telmarines could have been defeated," Edmund explained excitedly. _

_"What do you mean 'could have been defeated'?" Susan asked. _

_"It seems their leader, the person leading the Narnians, was close to killing Caspian I, but at the very last minute disappeared into the woods with several Telmarines following him. No one ever saw him again. But then again, I doubt anyone saw much of anyone from the battle anyway, as they were all destroyed. All of this was before the catapults, which destroyed Cair Paravel and anyone who was left inside," Edmund said angrily, his fist clenching as he retold his findings. _

_"But this leader? Does it say who he was? Could it not also be possible that he was just killed?" Susan asked skeptically. _

_"Of course it's possible. Actually, it's quite probable. But nonetheless, it's still interesting to know that things could have been different," Edmund said, shutting the large text. _

_"Yes, and if they were different we wouldn't be here. We'd be sitting at home in England right now wishing we were back in Narnia. Just like we did for an entire year before we came back here," Susan said matter-of-factly as she stood. _

_Edmund stood as well and said sarcastically, "Well if things had been different I wouldn't have to go waste time getting fitted for another tunic."_

"Is that your family?" Robert asked, standing and walking to a large black and white photograph that sat on the mantle above the fire place. Susan stood as well and moved near him, picking up the picture.

"Yes, this was taken several years ago. Before Peter went to University. That's him, standing in the center," she said, touching her finger to her brother's picture. "That's Edmund and Lucy," she said, pointing to each of her siblings' faces.

"He looks like you, a bit," Robert commented, referring to Edmund. Susan laughed.

"It's the hair. Everyone always commented on that. Lucy and Peter both got fairer hair from Dad, but Ed and I got our hair from Mum," she explained.

"You look like her, you know? She's very beautiful," Robert said, staring at Susan warmly.

"I wish I was more like her," Susan said softly as she placed the photograph back on the mantle and turned away. "She was so strong. She kept us together and safe during the war, made decisions I don't think I ever could. Mum was always so unselfish, always looking out for others before herself. I don't think I've ever been like that," Susan said sadly.

"Susan, look at me," Robert said softly. Susan turned, her brow furrowing when she caught Robert's frustrated look. "Stop with the self-loathing. So you weren't the best girl in the world and were selfish and vain and silly. So what? Most girls are at some point in their lives. Maybe your mother was, but then she had a family and learned that she had to grow up and be the woman you always knew. You're about to be a mother and I have no doubt you'll be just as wonderful to your child as your mother was to you," he said firmly. Susan cocked her eyebrow and stared at him hard for several moments before sighing.

"I feel both insulted and complimented at the same time. How do you do it?" she asked sarcastically as she sat back in her chair.

"Natural talent," Robert chuckled as he sat as well.

"You haven't told me about your trip to America yet," Susan stated in an attempt to change the subject.

"Well, you never asked," Robert pointed out. Susan smiled and asked, "How was your trip to America?"

"It was good. I went to South Carolina to meet with an associate of my father's. He owns a shipping company and wants to expand to Europe, so he needs someone to manage his London office. Which I now do," Robert explained.

"What does he ship?" Susan asked.

"Well, don't laugh," Robert began, a bashful smile appearing on his face. "He's always shipped throughout the United States, to large cities such as New York, Chicago. He mainly deals with the clothing industry, shipping cotton to different factories where it's turned into fabric, then to clothing manufacturers and designers who make the clothes. With his expansion to Europe, he wants to start shipping fabric here, along with some other goods, and I think eventually begin importing European clothing lines to America once this side builds up. I know it's a rather big risk, but he's done extremely well in America, so I don't doubt his trade will go well internationally," Robert said.

"It sounds fascinating! I love clothes!" Susan exclaimed. Robert laughed and shook his head.

"I thought that would be all you got out of it," he teased.

"Is that why you wanted me to come with you to America? Because it dealt with clothing?" Susan asked. He sighed deeply and looked down at his hands which were now clasped in front of him. When he looked back up at her, Susan saw an indescribable look in his eyes.

"No, that's not the reason. Maybe it was a mistake to ask you to come with me, but at the time I hated us being apart. You were in France and weren't really speaking to me and I guess I just missed you. I thought maybe if I asked you to go to America with me things would go back to normal," he said.

"Oh, Robert. I missed you, too. It wasn't a mistake to ask me," she said. Robert pushed off the sofa quickly, standing and turning from Susan.

"Yes it was!" he barked, the sudden volume of his voice making Susan jump.

"Robert?" she asked timidly. He turned back to look at her, his brow creased, and sighed deeply.

"Susan, it was a mistake because I'm in love with you. I always have been. When I came to France to see you and to ask you to come with me, I had this stupid notion of whisking you away and, I don't know, eloping in America or some other nonsense. But then I saw you with Philip and saw what you had become and all I could see was red. I hated him for touching you, I hated you for letting him, and most of all, I hated myself for thinking I could ever have a shot with you," he said, his voice tinged with anger and regret.

"Oh," Susan began but stopped when Robert shot her a warning glare.

"Don't, Susan. Don't say something pitying and try to make me feel better. This isn't exactly how I wanted to tell you how I felt about you. In fact, after seeing you today and seeing the situation you're in, I made up my mind to not tell you how I felt. But that was pointless; deep down I knew there was no way I could go another day after seeing you without telling you that I love you," he said. Giving a quick sigh he said, "I need to go."

He turned and walked to the living room entrance, leaving a stunned Susan sitting in her chair near the dying fire. When he reached the door, he turned and looked at her, saying, "I'll call you soon. I'm sorry I ruined our evening."

Susan watched silently as he disappeared through the door, jumping slightly as she heard the front door slam. Remembering his drying clothes, she quickly grabbed them from where they hung on the fire screen and hurried after him. When she reached the front door, she yanked it open only to see through the pouring rain the headlights of his car pulling away from the curb.


	10. What was at the Bottom of the Stairs

Robert did not call Susan for a week. With the exception of the months she was in France and the months following their argument, it was the longest they had ever gone without talking. Susan went through several emotions during the week, beginning with worry for her friend followed by hurt from his sudden departure before finally settling on anger.

"I don't see why he should be the one who gets to hide and sulk! I'm the one who's being ignored. I'm the one who had a complete bomb dropped on me and then was left to deal with it alone," she had complained to Aunt Alberta one afternoon.

"Dear, who knows why men act the way they do? It's best to just let him have his time alone and wait for him to come to you," Aunt Alberta had suggested.

* * *

"He's just going to have to face me," Susan muttered as she stood on the doorstep of Robert's house. She had never been there before and was nervous, but her fears were minimal compared to the anger she felt from being ignored by Robert. She raised her hand and knocked loudly on the door. Moments later a short woman with grey-blonde hair opened the door. Susan had never seen her but instantly recognized her as Robert's mother. She had the same blue-green eyes as her son.

"May I help you?" she asked kindly.

"I'm Susan Pevensie. I wanted to see Robert," she said hesitantly.

"Oh, Susan! We've heard so much about you! Robert is still at work but I'm expecting him any time now. Please, come in," Mrs. St. James said, ushering Susan inside.

Susan stepped inside the entryway and looked around at the stylishly decorated room. A large chandelier hung from the ceiling, the crystals on it glittering from the sunlight pouring in through the large window over the door.

"May I take your coat?" Mrs. St. James asked.

"Oh, yes. Thank you," Susan said as she shrugged out of her coat and handed it to Robert's mother. When she had hung the coat in a small closet near the front door, she turned back to Susan and asked, "How far along are you?" Susan instinctively placed a hand on her stomach and blushed. "I apologize for putting you on the spot like that. Robert told us you were pregnant," Mrs. St. James said kindly.

"No, please don't apologize. I know it's a little… unconventional. I just hope you won't dislike me too much for it," Susan said slowly. Mrs. St. James laughed softly, not unkindly though, and wrapped her arm around Susan's shoulders, giving her a small squeeze.

"My dear, we couldn't dislike you even if we wanted to, which I assure you we do not. The way our Robert speaks of you shows us just how truly special you are, regardless of your unfortunate circumstance," she said, giving Susan a warm smile. "Now, I was just about to make a cup of tea. Would you like some?" Susan returned Mrs. St. James' smile and nodded.

"Now," Mrs. St. James said as she settled on a loveseat in the sitting room. Susan sat across from her on a second loveseat. "How have you been getting along during your pregnancy?" she asked concernedly.

"I, um," Susan started, moving uncomfortably in her seat.

"I apologize again. I sometimes have a tendency to be a little forward. But I am concerned about you, even though we just met. Surely your friends are helping you out? Maybe their mothers are giving you advice?" Mrs. St. James asked.

"Well, no, actually. Other than Robert, I don't really have any friends left," Susan explained sadly.

"Left?" Mrs. St. James asked.

"Nearly everyone I know has left me alone. They all disapprove of what I did, of what happened to me. And I think all the time that I probably would have acted the same if I were in their shoes," Susan said sadly.

Mrs. St. James looked at her wisely and asked, "Would you have? I don't think you would."

"I mean no disrespect, but how do you know? You barely know me, other than what Robert's told you of me. I barely know myself," Susan replied. Mrs. St. James shook her head and said, "Maybe I'm mistaken, but I do not believe that I am. I've experienced being shunned myself, after my husband's unfortunate investment decisions, so I understand what it's like to be left alone by those who were once your friends. But I saw you the night of the Clayworths' Christmas party and how you came up to my son when no one else would. I overheard you defending him that night before you even knew him. So that is why I find it hard to believe that you would shun anyone in your situation or anyone else who had made a mistake that affected their life so much."

_"So King Edmund was in league with the White Witch? But I thought he was good and just. How can someone act so traitorously and then become king?" a boy of about fifteen asked. _

_"You will find, my boy, that even the most traitorous of traitors can find redemption if they simply ask for forgiveness for their misdeeds," the king answered. _

_"But who did he ask for forgiveness?" the boy asked. _

_"Why, Aslan, of course!" the king replied, surprised from the boy's question. "According to lore and the various histories written on the Kings and Queens of old, King Edmund spent most of his life seeking redemption for what he had done. Oh, High King Peter and his sisters Queen Susan and Queen Lucy had forgiven him, as had Aslan and the other Narnians, but it is written that King Edmund never quite forgave himself," the king explained. _

_"Well, that's ridiculous!" the boy exclaimed. _

_"Young sir, you should not judge so quickly," the king admonished. _

_"But I don't understand. Everyone, including Aslan, had forgiven him. He was off the hook. Why could he not have forgiven himself since everyone else forgave him?" the boy asked. _

_"I think you're correct. You don't understand. Maybe it's time I showed you something to help you understand," the king said gently._

"Mother?" a voice called from the hallway. Mrs. St. James smiled and called, "We're in here, dear!"

Robert walked into the living room and asked, "Who's 'we'?" Susan turned from where she sat and looked towards Robert.

"Oh, hi," he said solemnly.

Mrs. St. James stood and said cheerfully, "I think I'll give you two kids some privacy." She walked to the door, stopping by Robert for a second to pat his cheek before leaving, shutting the door behind her. Robert stared at Susan from where he stood for several moments before moving to take his mother's seat across from her.

"What are you doing here?" he asked gruffly.

"You never called me," Susan stated.

"You never called me, either," Robert pointed out.

"I'm the girl! I'm not supposed to be the one to call!" Susan exclaimed, her temper rising. Robert leaned back on the love seat and rested his arm on the armrest.

"Yes, I suppose the suffragettes forgot to fight for that rule to be changed," he said sarcastically.

Susan ignored his sarcasm and said, "You left me alone. You told me something big and then left me alone."

"Look, I shouldn't have told you that. You're really in no position to hear someone spouting out their feelings and I don't want you to even think about what I said," Robert said, rambling slightly. Susan gave him a confused look before shaking herself out of her confusion.

"You're making no sense, but that's okay. You're my best friend. I love you, but I don't know if I'm in love with you. I haven't thought much about it; all my thoughts are centered around this baby and what's going to happen once it comes. I don't even know if I'm capable of loving anyone right now. All I want is to have my friend with me, helping me and letting me be myself with him," Susan said firmly. Robert stood and moved to sit next to her on the sofa, picking up one of her hands in his own.

"Susan, regardless of what happens or doesn't happen between us romantically, you can always have that. Never be afraid to be exactly who you are with me. No matter what, I'll always be here for you," he said. Susan sighed, relieved, and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Thank you," she whispered. The two sat quietly for several minutes, the only sound in the room a small clock on a mantle quietly ticking away. "Ooh!" Susan exclaimed suddenly, sitting up quickly and placing her hand on her stomach.

"What is it?" Robert asked, alarmed.

"I felt something," Susan said. "There it is again!"

"What is it?" Robert asked again, this time more demanding.

Susan shot him an annoyed look before saying, "The doctor said I may begin to feel movements from the baby. It may be kicking or moving around. I think that's what it must be!" She smiled widely as she felt another tiny bump against her hand.

"What does it feel like?" Robert asked quietly, his eyes on Susan's stomach.

"Like little pops. Here, feel," she said, taking Robert's hand and placing it on her stomach. He sat still for a moment before his eyes widened and he broke out into a grin.

* * *

It was after Christmas and the New Year that Susan decided to sell her house. She wanted to pack and move to her aunt's and uncle's before she became too big to get around easily. Robert, who had also offered to help her pack, declared that he would be handling the details of selling it, sensing the process could be too overwhelming for Susan. She had rolled her eyes at his increasing habit of being overprotective, but secretly she was glad for his help; selling her childhood home, the place where her family had been alive, was harder than she had ever imagined.

"When was the house built?" the real estate agent asked as she walked around the living room, inspecting it.

"The um, the 30s, I think. We moved here when my sister was born," Susan said nervously as she watched the woman touch the mantle, her hand resting too close to the framed photograph on it.

"It's a lovely house," the woman commented as she turned to face Susan and Robert, both who were sitting on the sofa. "Very open, roomy, well-kept. My only concern is the bedrooms. The master bedroom is nice, but the others are a little small. I would suggest to the future owners to tear the wall down between them and making one larger bedroom. The spare room up there could be turned into a guest room rather than a play room like it is now. I think once this place is remodeled it will look very nice in the modern age," she continued, a smug grin tugging at her mouth.

"What? You can't tear down the bedrooms! That's where my brothers lived! Where my sister slept! How dare you-" Susan cried, jumping up suddenly but was cut off by Robert's quiet warning.

"Susan," he said to her as he pulled her back down to the sofa. When she had sat, he stood, suppressing a smile at the furious glare she was giving the real estate agent. _The poor woman looks white as a ghost_, he inwardly chuckled. "Thank you for coming out to look at the house. I don't think Miss Pevensie has yet made up her mind about selling it, but once she has we will be in touch," he said kindly, sticking out his hand to shake hers. The agent gave his a quick shake and allowed Robert to lead her out.

When Susan heard the front door close she stood and angrily turned towards the door as Robert walked back into the living room. "She is not destroying my home!" Susan cried.

"Susan, she's not going to destroy it. But if someone buys it they can make changes as they like," Robert said soothingly.

"Well, why can't I sell it to someone who doesn't want to make changes? It's my home, Robert," she said pleadingly.

"If you sell the house, Susan, it won't be your home anymore," he replied.

"I know," Susan said softly as she sat back down on the sofa. Robert walked to the sofa and crouched in front of her.

"You didn't like her, did you?" he asked gently. Susan shook her head.

"She looked at my house like there were price tags written all over it. I didn't like it and felt like she wouldn't try to sell it to someone who would love it as much as I do, as much as my family did," Susan said.

"Okay then," Robert said, patting her knee as he stood.

"Okay then what?" Susan asked, confused.

"Okay then, she's gone. I'll find someone else," he said cheerfully.

"Just like that?" Susan asked skeptically.

"Just like that," Robert said, winking at her.

* * *

The process of packing up Susan's home proved to be just as difficult as finding a real estate agent she approved of. Just as she rejected six agents before finally agreeing to let one sell her house (a kind older gentleman who had reminded Susan of Professor Kirke), she rejected all suggestions from Robert to get rid of various items in her house. She had agreed to sell most of the furniture to the person who was buying her house (her new agent had sold the house within the first week of being hired, with one stipulation that the buyer could purchase the furniture as well).

"I don't know what to do with all this stuff!" Susan wailed as she sat in the middle of the floor of the spare room. Once used as a playroom for when she and her siblings had been children, it was now full of old toys, clothing and, as Robert put it, junk.

"Well, why don't you donate some of the things to a charity? I seem to remember you enjoying those before," Robert suggested from the doorway. Susan rolled her eyes and said, "I didn't enjoy them. I just did them to be seen."

"You could still donate this stuff. Most of it's old and broken anyway. It could probably do better off in a junkyard than in here," he said sarcastically. Susan stood up and brushed off her dress.

"Maybe we could just skip this room and move on to the next," she brightly suggested as she tried to slink by Robert. He reached out and caught gently by the waist.

"Oh, no you don't," he laughed as he pulled her back in the room. "We're finishing this room first before moving on to another room."

_The king pushed through the doors leading into the Great Hall followed closely by the boy. A few fauns and a centaur who were in the hall looked up, startled by the abrupt entrance of their king. They bowed low, murmuring "Your Majesty" as the king strode by. The boy gave a small wave to the Narnians as he hurried after the king who had stopped in front of a dais where four thrones sat. Turning to his subjects, he said curtly, "Please leave us." The fauns and centaur bowed again and left the room. When the door had closed behind them, the king looked at the boy and said, "What I am about to show you must never be revealed to any others. It is for the royal family's knowledge only and, even though you are not royalty, you are a Son of Adam, which makes you nobler than any crown ever could. I'm also showing you because you need to understand about the kings and queens of old and their time in Narnia." _

_"What is it?" the boy asked, his curiosity piqued. The king turned and motioned for the boy to follow him behind the dais until they stood staring at a tapestry covered wall. The king pushed back one of the larger ones revealing a hidden door. He took a key from a chain he wore around his neck and unlocked the door, turning the handle and pushing it open. The boy peered around the king's side and saw there was a set of stairs leading down into darkness. _

_"Grab that torch from the wall there," the king said. The boy did so and handed it to the king, who began the descent into the secret room. The boy followed behind, counting the steps as he walked down the curved staircase. When he had reached the sixteenth step, he realized they had reached the bottom. The king walked to a sconce on the wall and lit it with his torch then doing so with the next one and the next, each distanced several feet apart. When he had lit several of them, he stopped and turned to the boy who was still standing on the bottom step. The boy's face was filled with wonder as he took in the secret room, now lit by the glowing torches on the wall. There was a path that led down the center of the room and on either side stood rows of tall shelves. The light glittered on the gems and stones which sat scattered on some of the shelves, gleamed off the various pieces of gold jewelry and cups lining other shelves, and made the tall suits of armor that were interspersed around the room shine brightly. _

_"What is this place?" the boy breathed, afraid that a voice any louder would spoil the magic that surrounded the room. _

_"This is the royal treasure chamber," the king said, chuckling quietly as he watched the boy. "In here is housed the treasures belonging to Narnia's rulers, most importantly the king and queens of old. Come. Look." The king motioned for the boy to follow him down the path that led between the rows of shelves to the far wall of the chamber. On it hung a sword and shield, a bow and quiver of arrows and a small bottle which sparkled in the firelight. _

_"What are they?" the boy asked, in awe of the weapons. _

_"These are the gifts High King Peter, Queen Susan and Queen Lucy received from Father Christmas as the White Witch's power was being broken," the king replied. _

_"But what of King Edmund's gift? What happened to it?" the boy asked. _

_"King Edmund received no gift. He was with the White Witch at the time and, therefore, was not worthy to receive a gift similar to the ones his brother and sisters received. As you can see from the contents in this chamber, he was not without many fine weapons. But he had to live each day knowing that his sword and shield were not equal to his brother's, his bow and arrows were not equal to his sister's. You said you did not understand how King Edmund found it hard to forgive himself; he found it hard because, no matter how many others forgave him, he was constantly surrounded by reminders of his treachery," the king explained. _

_"I see," the boy said softly as he stared at the three gifts hanging on the wall. The flickering shadow of one of the flames caught the boy's eye and the turned towards it. Standing before him were four life-size statues, two men and two women. _

_"That's them," the boy stated, knowing instantly who the statues were. _

_"Yes," the king answered, moving to stand next to the boy. "That is High King Peter in the center, to his left King Edmund, to his right Queen Susan, and to her right, Queen Lucy. These statues were sculpted almost a year before they disappeared." _

_"She's beautiful," the boy said, mesmerized by the statue of Queen Susan. _

_"Yes, she is," the king chuckled, knowing exactly which statue the boy was referring to. "Both Queen Susan and Queen Lucy captured many hearts while they reigned and were highly sought after for marriage. As were the High King and his brother. Unfortunately for Narnia, none of them ever married." _

_"I'm very glad she never married," the boy said quietly. The king laughed loudly, clapping the boy on the back. _

_"Come, boy. Let's get you out of here before you lose your heart any more," the king said jovially._

"Finished!" Susan announced happily, wiping her dusty hands on her dress.

"Thank goodness," Robert said. The two had finally finished packing the old playroom after several hours of tears and arguing. "The only rooms we have left now are your bedroom and your siblings' old rooms," he said.

Susan nodded slowly and said, "I suppose we should start with Peter's and Edmund's room. That will probably be the most difficult one because it has the most stuff."

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Robert asked, worried that the stress of packing up her brothers' belongings might not be good for Susan. "I'm fine," she said determinedly as she walked out of the room towards her brothers' room.

Susan pushed open the door and stared at the room, memories of her brothers flooding her. Taking a deep breath, she shoved the memories away and walked in, determined to tackle the room head on. Robert followed behind her as they began packing the room.

An hour after they had begun, Susan found herself tiring, both mentally and physically. She sat on Edmund's bed, which had been stripped of its sheets, and watched as Robert went through Peter's books. He looked up and saw she was sitting, a funny smile on her face.

"Your brother had an odd collection of books," he remarked, holding up one of Peter's favorites.

Susan laughed, "That he did. That particular one is on swords of the 15th century and was one of his favorites. He loved political books and anything that remotely could have gone with politics, from warfare and weaponry to espionage and assassinations."

"Sounds like he would have been fun at a party," Robert said sarcastically as he placed the book in a large box near his feet. Susan laughed again.

"He never talked about those things. Peter was usually flirtatious at parties, always mingling and laughing. We would tease him about his interests, so he tried to keep them quiet around others," she said. "Now, Edmund on the other hand, he wouldn't hesitate to talk to you about his interests. He had a way of making it interesting, though. Everything he would explain turned into a story; even the most boring of history lessons came alive when he'd talk about them." Robert turned back to her and smiled.

"I love hearing your stories about your siblings. The way you talk about them makes them come alive," he said.

"If only that was all it took to make them come alive," Susan said quietly, her smile fading. Robert saw her smile disappear and quickly changed the subject.

"Are you getting tired? We can always work up here tomorrow," he suggested.

"That actually sounds good. I'm pretty pooped and getting hungry," Susan agreed, pushing herself off the bed.

"Well, let's get you and that baby fed," Robert chuckled as he walked to Susan and placed his hand on the small of her back, leading her out of the room. They had just stepped out of the room when a knock came from the front door below.

"I wonder who that could be," Susan stated as they walked down the stairs. When they reached the bottom Susan walked to the door and opened it. A tall, dark headed man stood there, a dashing smile on his face. "Philip!" Susan exclaimed, worry apparent in her voice.

"Hello there, Susie," he said, his eyes darting down to glare at Susan's rounded stomach. "I see you've been busy."


	11. The Good Use of Lucy's Cordial

Susan covered her stomach with her hands as her heart began to race. _What is he doing here?_ her mind screamed.

"What are you doing here?" Robert asked angrily from behind her. He had moved to the door the second Susan had said Philip's name. His left hand was wrapped tightly around Susan's upper arm, his right one grasping the door.

"I came here to see Susan. I was unaware that she was otherwise involved with someone," Philip sneered, his narrowed eyes glaring at Susan.

"I'm not involved with anyone," Susan said angrily.

"Your stomach would say otherwise," Philip spat.

"My stomach, if it could talk, which it most certainly does not, would say that you're an idiot and is in its current state because of you, not anyone else!" Susan cried, her voice shaking. Philip's eyes widened.

"Me? That's-I mean, it's- But how can it be mine?" he stammered.

"Well, I imagine you were there," Robert stated dryly. Philip looked up at him, his eyes filled with hatred.

"So, you've what? Been pretending to take my place?" he asked Robert.

"Your place? Your place is what caused all this to begin with!" Robert said, his voice rising.

"Susie and I were in love! You have no right-" Philip shouted.

"I have every right! You weren't around for her when she needed you!" Robert yelled back.

"Boys!" Susan shouted, looking between the two men. Both stopped and looked at her. "That's enough! You're acting ridiculous!" She turned to face Philip. "Robert has been my best friend throughout this and has taken care of me when I needed it most. Something you never would have done," she said before turning to look up at Robert. "Let go of my arm. You're squeezing too tightly," she said quietly. He immediately released her but kept a hand close to her in a possessive gesture. "Robert, you can't blame him for everything; I've told you that dozens of times. It took two people to make this baby, me being one of them. And I didn't tell him, so it's entirely my fault he never knew. You can't blame him for that," she said firmly.

"Try me," Robert growled at her, his eyes dark with anger.

"Stop, please," Susan quietly pleaded, placing a hand on his chest.

"Susie, how about you and I take a drive and discuss this. I think you owe me that much," Philip suggested seriously.

"No," Robert said firmly without looking away from Susan.

"I think she can make her own decisions," Philip argued.

"Robert, I'll be fine. Trust me," Susan said soothingly. Robert looked at her determined face for several moments before finally sighing.

"Alright. Go with him. Do what you want," he said, hurt apparent in his voice.

"I'll see you when I get back?" Susan asked hopefully.

"No, I'm going to head home. I'll just see you tomorrow," Robert said, pulling his coat from the coat rack next to the door.

"Robert," Susan started but stopped when Robert raised his hand.

"Don't worry. Be careful," he said as he pushed past Philip in the doorway.

"Come on, Susie. Let's go," Philip said, grabbing her hand roughly and pulling her out the door. Susan shut it behind her and allowed herself to be pulled towards Philip's waiting car. A flash of headlight came past them as she watched Robert drive off.

_He has got to stop leaving like that_, Susan thought to herself. When they reached Philip's car he let go of her hand and walked around to the driver's side, leaving her standing on the curb next to the passenger's side.

"I guess he left his manners in France," Susan muttered to herself as she opened her own door and climbed in the car. Philip started the car and pulled away from the curb, his hands clenching the steering wheel tightly. In the months they had been together, Susan had never seen him angry. _He's actually a little frightening angry_, she thought as she glanced at him subtly. They drove for nearly an hour, the tension in the car growing thick, until they were into the countryside. Without the streetlights of the city, the surrounding area was dark, making it difficult to see anywhere but in front of the car where the headlights shone on the twisty country road.

"So what are you doing in England?" Susan asked hesitantly, wanting to break the silence between them.

"How could you not tell me?" Philip yelled, banging his hand on the steering wheel.

"I just couldn't! I didn't find out until long after I left you and France. We hadn't spoken and, I don't know, I was scared," Susan hurriedly explained.

"You were scared. That is such a sorry excuse," Philip spat angrily.

"Well it's true! I didn't want you-" Susan began, cutting herself off quickly before she said what she had felt since the moment she had found out she was pregnant.

"You didn't want what? Me?" Philip shouted.

"No, I didn't want you. I told you that before," Susan whispered, staring down at her hands.

"That's my child, Susan. How could you not tell me?" he asked again. Susan was silent for several moments before she realized they were zooming faster along the dark streets. Hoping to ease some of Philip's anger and make him slow down, she asked, "Do you want to be involved with it?"

"Involved how? By pretending we're one big happy family? By giving you money?" Philip sneered.

"It's your child you said! I just wanted to know if you wanted to be a part of its life!" Susan cried. She knew she had failed in easing Philip's anger and had only succeeded in making hers rise. "Will you slow down? You're going to get us killed!" she yelled at him. She felt the car begin to slow and sighed with relief.

"Better?" Philip asked, his voice calmer.

"Thank you," she replied. Philip stopped the car near the side of the road and turned off the engine. Turning to look at Susan, he said quietly, "If you had told me I would have helped you."

"You would?" Susan asked, shocked by his admission.

"Of course, Susie. Our relationship wasn't a romantic fairytale, but I did care about you. I wouldn't have wanted you to end up like this or have to go through this. I would have helped if you wanted to, you know, get rid of it," Philip said.

"Get rid of it? I didn't want to get rid of it! I love it!" Susan cried, clasping her hands over her stomach.

"Okay, okay! No need to get hysterical!" Philip said defensively.

"I'm not hysterical," Susan muttered.

"I can help you financially with the baby. Help you pay for things for it, clothes, um, food…" Philip said unsurely.

"I think for the time being I'm good on food for the baby, since it'll be free for a while," Susan said, giggling at Philip's uncomfortable look on his face.

"I can help you financially," he repeated, his face growing cold. "But I don't want to be a part of the child's life. I have a reputation and a business that I need to have a clean history for. A bastard child would be a stain on these things."

"Very well," Susan said, turning to look out the windshield, her face growing as cold as Philip's.

"Susie," he began, his voice warming. Susan glanced at him and said, "It's okay. I understand." She turned back to look forward and was suddenly blinded by a bright light heading towards them. A loud horn sounded as a warm, thick heat began to surround her, filling her with calmness before she felt a force slam into the car. Glass shattered around her and she felt the pieces scratching at her arms. She was thrown forward and to the side, hitting the side of her head on something before her world went black.

"_Move, your majesty!" a burly man called out. Susan jumped aside as he and a tall faun hurried into the room carrying a second faun between them. Her hand flew to her mouth as she saw a large gash down the side of his head, blood flowing out of it. _

_"Lucy!" she cried as she hurried after the men, grabbing a pile of rags off a table as she moved past it. When the man and the faun set the injured faun down on a low cot, Susan knelt beside him and began dabbing the blood around his wound. "What happened to him?" she asked. _

_"My guess is he caught the wrong end of a giant's fist," the burly man said solemnly. Susan looked up him and glared, annoyed at his response. _

_"If there's nothing else you can do for him, I suggest you go assist the High King and King Edmund further," she snapped, turning back to the injured faun. _

_"Yes, your majesty," the man said. _

_"Susan, you can't talk to everyone like that," Lucy admonished as she knelt beside her sister. The sunlight coming in through the garret window glinted off the small bottle she held, the amber liquid it held sloshing as Lucy moved the bottle. _

_"Just give him the cordial, Lucy," Susan sighed. Lucy pouted slightly at her sister, put out by Susan's attitude towards her, as she pulled out the stopper and dropped a single drop of the cordial in the wounded faun's opened mouth. As he began to heal before the two queens' eyes, Susan stood and walked silently from the room. She kept her eyes on the door, ignoring the dozens of bodies lying on cots in the Great Hall. She kept walking until she was outside, taking a deep breath of the cool air, the cleanness of it helping to ease her nausea she felt from the sight of death that had been surrounding her for days. Lucy appeared moments later, her young face unnaturally hardened. _

_"These giants are getting out of hand. I'm going to be out of cordial eventually," she said sadly. _

_"Peter has to do something about them. He has to confront them, squash their continuous uprisings. We can't continue on like this," Susan agreed. _

_"Susan! How can you say that? What if something happened to him?" Lucy cried, alarmed by the fierceness of Susan's voice. _

_"Lucy, it has to be done. You said it yourself: you'll run out of cordial eventually. That cordial has saved countless of our soldiers, our friends. It saved your own brother! If we don't stop the giants, if Peter doesn't confront them, we'll continue on having more and more injured and continue using more and more of the cordial until it runs out and then where will we be?" Susan said sternly. _

_"I know," Lucy whispered. _

_"That cordial is our best weapon against any who threaten us. We can't continue to waste it because we want to save ourselves from danger," Susan said. _

Susan opened her eyes to a bright, hazy light. _I'm dead. This is Heaven. Why does Heaven have ceiling tiles? Maybe it's not Heaven_, she thought as her eyes darted back and forth. Turning her head, she felt the world moving in slow motion. Across the room was a window with dull looking blinds hanging on it, an empty hospital bed sitting below it. _A hospital. I'm in a hospital. A car hit us. My baby!_ her mind screamed as she grabbed her stomach, feeling relieved when she felt the familiar bump.

"She's awake!" Susan heard a woman say, the voice familiar. "Nurse?" Susan lifted her head, groaning slightly from the movement.

"Ah ah ah," a second woman said, placing a cool hand on Susan's head. "Don't sit up too quickly now. You've been out for a few hours now." Susan sat up slowly, feeling the aches in her body slowly start to emerge. _Oh, if only I had some of Lucy's cordial_, Susan thought.

"How are you feeling, dear?" Aunt Alberta asked.

"Sore," Susan croaked, clearing her throat after she spoke.

"I would imagine so! You're very lucky to be alive, nearly unscratched except for a few bruises and scrapes here and there. I wish I could say the same thing for your gentleman friend who was in the car with you. Poor thing has a broken arm, several cracked ribs and is covered in cuts," the nurse said as she dabbed a foul smelling liquid onto a cut on Susan's lip. Susan hissed as the sting from the liquid came, pushing the nurse's hand away.

"But he's alright, isn't he?" she asked, concerned about Philip.

"Oh, yes. He'll heal nicely," the nurse replied reassuringly.

"And the baby?" Susan asked, rubbing her hand along her stomach.

"Perfectly fine. The doctor checked all the baby's vitals nearly the minute we brought you in and we've been monitoring you both to make sure everything is healthy," the nurse answered. Susan sighed with relief, relaxing slightly against the pillows. Shouting suddenly came from the hallway, angry voices echoing as the door to Susan's room flew open.

"Sir, you can't go in there!" a woman shouted as Robert burst into the room. Susan sat up quickly, ignoring the pain the motion caused, and exclaimed, "Robert!"

"Susan, are you okay?" he demanded, coming to the side of the hospital bed where she lay.

"I'm fine. I," she began but stopped when Robert grasped her chin, turning it gently towards him to inspect her cuts and bruises on her face. She heard him sharply intake a breath and saw his lips draw together in a tight line.

"I'm fine," Susan repeated as she placed her hand over his that still held her chin. He moved his hand away and asked, "And the baby? Is it okay?"

"Fine and dandy," Susan replied cheerily.

"I should kill that bastard for doing this to you," Robert muttered.

"Susan, dear," Aunt Alberta spoke up. "Uncle Harold and I are going to… go get a cup of coffee." Susan nodded to her aunt and remained silent, her eyes glaring angrily at Robert, as they left. The nurse, who Susan had forgotten about, quietly moved about the room with a slight grin on her face.

"What?" Robert finally asked, his face finally cracking under Susan's glare.

"Enough with the death threats," she said simply.

"I'm sorry, but if he was here, he would be extremely glad he was already in a hospital," Robert said.

"Well, then you'll be happy to know that he's in a lot worse shape than I am," Susan shot back.

"I should have never let you go with him! I knew this was going to happen!" Robert said, his voice rising in frustration.

"Oh, you did, did you? You knew we would pull over to the side of the road to talk? You knew a car would come around the corner too fast and hit us?" Susan yelled.

"Well, I," Robert stammered, surprised by Susan's outburst.

"Exactly. You didn't know. So stop being so angry," Susan said. Robert sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, he said, "I can't help but be angry when you're sitting here looking like you got into a prize fight and lost. And regardless of whose fault it was, I'm still blaming him for this." Susan sighed deeply, her lips pursing together before finally rolling her eyes and throwing her hands in the air.

"Fine, I give up. Idiot men. Hate him if you want. See if I care," Susan grumbled as she leaned back against her pillows and crossed her arms over her chest. Robert chuckled and leaned down to brush Susan's hair back and place a kiss on her forehead.

"Maybe you need to rest. You seem a little tired," he said teasingly.

"What I seem is annoyed," Susan replied, childishly sticking her tongue at him. "Oh, dear!" she exclaimed as she felt the cut on her lip pull. She tasted blood in her mouth as the cut began to bleed.

"Now, Miss Pevensie, I suggest you not do that again," the nurse chided as she hurried over to Susan's side and began dabbing more of the stinging liquid onto the cut.

Susan gritted her teeth against the sting it caused and muttered, "Why can't they create a cordial that would fix everything like we used to have?"

"What did you say?" Robert asked. Susan's eyes widened, shocked at her slip of the tongue and turned her head quickly to Robert, who was looking at her strangely.

"Nothing. I'm just mumbling over that stuff she put on my lip," Susan said quickly.

"Maybe you need to rest," Robert suggested slowly, his eyes worried.

"Maybe you're right," Susan agreed.

"I'll go see when you can go home and take care of whatever paperwork they need, ok?" Robert asked, giving Susan a warm smile as he squeezed her hand.

"That sounds nice," she replied, returning his smile. When he had closed the door behind him the nurse said, "That's a fine young man you have there." Susan turned to the nurse, her brow furrowing.

"He's not mine. He's a friend," she said softly.

"Well, it may not be my place to say so, but I don't believe he thinks the same of you," the nurse said, chuckling quietly. Susan pursed her lips together and turned her head away to look at the door, waiting silently for Robert to return as the nurse's words echoed in her head.

_A man stood in a dimly lit room leaning with his hands on the long oak table in front of him, staring hard at a map of Narnia that was spread over the table. Every plan of attack he had made on the map only resulted in a definite failure of the Narnian army. The hours had ticked away since he had first shut himself in the room with the map, going over the various strategies that had been successful in the past. Finally frustrated, he pounded his fist on the table and pushed himself away, covering his face with his hands before running them through his hair. "It's hopeless!" he cried to the room. The opening of the door behind him caused him to turn, his hands dropping to his side. A centaur wearing battle armor walked in, bowing low. _

_"My lord," he said. _

_"General, what news?" the man asked. _

_"I have spoken with my brothers and we have consulted the stars, which do not lie. They tell us the Telmarine army will be here within the week. They tell us that Narnia will fall and that we will fail. But they also speak of hope that comes, although none alive will see it," the centaur replied. _

_"Then let us cling to that hope and meet our destiny," the man said solemnly, clenching his fist tightly. _

**AN: The reviews for the last chapter made me laugh! You readers HATE Philip! I guess every good story really needs someone to hate, but I just can't hate Philip. He's not the best guy in the world, but he's not a bad guy. Also, I like (sort of) that you all are making assumptions about Robert and the side stories about the mysterious boy and lord... but I'm gonna be honest with you: none of you are right! How do I know this? Well, aside from being the person who's writing this story, I honestly have NO idea where I'm going with them! I have about 3 or 4 scenarios floating around in my head, but can't decide which will be the most shocking and appropriate for this story. Finally... someone mentioned that I needed to remember Lucy in the memories/flashbacks and that most of them were with Edmund and Peter... you're absolutely right! I wanted to use Lucy sparingly, because a) she's not my favorite and b) Lucy's... well, Lucy. I didn't really purposely bring her into this chapter to use her more; the scene with her in it really was planned. I just feel that Lucy's presence in the memories/flashbacks generally has the most impact and are more powerful, more so than any other characters in Susan's life, because both of the sisters (I feel) have this really unique relationship... as most sisters have. Anyway... Right now, I'm kind of at a stopping point with this story and may not update as quickly with the next chapter (which, for those of you who have been following since the beginning of _Choosing Grace _means I may not update for a week rather than every few days). I'm just feeling like there's no central conflict... it's just a bunch of day-to-day occurances. I'll figure something out... No worries! **

**Before I go, did everyone see the trailer for _Voyage of the Dawn Treader _that came out yesterday (Thursday)? **


	12. The Prince of Narnia

It was late April when Susan awoke with a start. She had moved out of her family's home over a month ago and now lived with her aunt and uncle in the room that Lucy and Edmund had found the painting that had come to life, taking them and their cousin into Narnia. The painting was gone, destroyed after Eustace had died because it reminded Aunt Alberta too much of her son's wild tales he had once shared with her. Susan and Philip had had no contact since the night of their accident except for a letter delivered by a solicitor of Mr. Montrose's with a check for an exorbitant amount of money and a note wishing her a safe delivery and a healthy baby. The letter was as impersonal as the solicitor, having been typed up rather than hand written, the only thought put into it was Philip's scrawled signature at the bottom.

She and Robert had continued to see each other nearly daily. As her pregnancy grew closer to an end, Robert became increasingly protective of her, much to Susan's irritation most days. She finally exploded at him one day when he refused to let her pick up a spoon she had dropped during tea.

"I am perfectly capable of picking up my spoon!" she had yelled at Robert, who was crouched below her frozen, his hand extending towards the dropped spoon. "I'm capable of taking care of myself without you constantly telling me what I can and can't, should and shouldn't do! I've ran a country for goodness' sake! Why, if you were my lord regent I would have you locked up in the tower! Thrown off the side of the castle! Flung into the Eastern Sea!" she had continued to rant as she stormed out of the room. Robert had stood, his face similar to a deer standing in headlights, flabbergasted at Susan's reaction._ I only told her she didn't need to bend over that far_, he had thought confusedly.

"Don't worry, dear," Aunt Alberta had said soothingly as she stirred her tea. "It's just the pregnancy. She'll be back to sorts once she's had the baby."

"Unless she's anything like Alberta here. She never quite recovered from her pregnancy spouts of emotions," Uncle Harold had chuckled, thumbing at his wife.

"Somehow, I don't think that rant was just because of her being pregnant," Robert had said slowly as he returned to his seat.

Despite the fact that she had considered him to be too overprotective, Susan found herself thinking more and more of Robert each day, the nurse's words continuing to echo in her head as they had from the day she had spoken them to Susan. Since he had told her he loved her, it was becoming harder and harder for Susan to not think about that day, to not remember the kiss they shared. Everywhere she went, if she was alone she wished Robert was with her. Everything she did, if he wasn't there she wished he was doing it with her. When she thought of the future, of the child she would soon be able to hold in her arms, her thoughts drifted to having Robert sharing her life with her. It was that late April night that she had dreamed Robert was the father, protecting her and their baby before waking suddenly. Susan sat up slowly in her bed, wincing at the sharp pain in her abdomen. She pulled on her robe, tying the belt tightly as she slipped into her feet into her bedroom slippers. Walking slowly down the hallway, she knocked on her aunt and uncle's bedroom door. Uncle Harold appeared at the door, opening it a crack, as he asked sleepily, "What is it, Susan?"

"I think it's time," she answered.

_The cheering from the crowd began to hurt Susan's head, her wide smile she wore beginning to strain her cheeks. Caspian and his wife stood in front of the four Pevensies, waving to the crowd. Susan scanned the front of the crowd that was before them and spotted a familiar face. Georgie was standing in front of her throne which was seated off to the side of the dais where hers and her siblings' sat. The young woman's eyes were full of love and hope and were staring hard at her younger brother. Looking to her right, she saw that Edmund was staring back at Georgie, a wide smile on his face. _The two might as well be alone in their own world rather than seated in front of thousands, _she thought wryly. Turning back to the crowd another face caught her eye. Princess Laira was standing in front, clapping happily for the couple. But she too was focused on someone else._ Peter,_ Susan thought as she glanced at her brother who was sitting next to her. Peter noticed the movement and looked at his sister. _

_"What?" he asked softly. Susan smiled widely and shook her head. "What?" Peter asked again, this time more insistently. Susan leaned closer and said, "Princess Laira looks nice in that dress." _

_"Oh, stop it, Su," he said, chuckling as he straightened. _

_"Isn't it wonderful?" Lucy said from Susan's left. Susan leaned towards her sister and said, "Yes, it's very nice."_

_ "Just think, soon I'll be married and maybe then after I'll be the one standing before the kingdom announcing that I'm expecting! How wonderful!" she marveled, getting lost in her thoughts. Susan looked at her sister, horrified, and snapped her fingers in front of Lucy's glazed over eyes. Lucy focused again and turned to her sister. "What?" she asked. _

_"I'm telling Peter your engagement is going to be for five years," Susan said firmly._

_ "You wouldn't dare!" Lucy hissed, outraged at her sister. _

_"Speak of having babies again and I'll make it seven!" Susan threatened._

Hours later, fourteen hours later to be exact, Susan laid in a hospital bed with her back propped up on several fluffy pillows, exhausted from her delivery. A squirming newborn rested in her arms before her, cradled on her drawn up knees.

"Hello my little prince," she cooed as the baby opened his eyes and looked at her. "That's right. You're a prince of Narnia." The baby moved a tiny fist against Susan's finger as she ran it over his hand, counting his fingers on one hand then the other. "If we were in Narnia now, you would be paraded throughout Cair Paravel, so that your subjects could see you and there would be celebrations for days," she explained to him, smiling as his hand wrapped around her finger, squeezing it. "That's quite a grip you have! Your uncles would have been proud and wanted to put a sword in your hand as quick as they could. I have no doubt you'd be the best in the land, better than they ever were!" she laughed quietly. Susan could see remnants of her family in the baby and was immediately grateful that she couldn't see any of Philip's features. His hair was dark like Edmund's, his eyes clear blue like Peter's, and his nose was shaped just like she remembered Lucy's was when she was born. "I've had a lot of adventures with your uncles and aunt, but I know that you're going to be my greatest adventure yet," she whispered, her eyes starting to tear. "I wish they could have been here with me. Not for the delivery part, mind you. That was dreadful. You really gave your mother some difficulty, my little prince. Which makes me believe there may be more similarities between you and your Uncle Edmund than just your hair." Susan looked up when she heard a soft knock on the door of her hospital room. It opened slowly and Robert stuck his head in.

"May I come in?" he asked, a wide grin on his face.

"Of course! Come meet the newest Pevensie!" Susan exclaimed, waving him in. She gently moved the baby so she was cradling him against her as Robert walked in. He carried a single pale yellow rose in his hand, which he laid next to Susan as he sat on the edge of her bed. "It's nice," she said, smiling slightly at the flower.

"I thought you would like something simple rather than me going over the top with flowers and such," he teased.

Susan looked at him, her face blank as she said, deadpan, "It's as if you don't know me at all." Robert chuckled then stood and leaned to kiss her on the forehead. A shiver went down Susan as she felt his lips pressed against her.

"I thought you might say something like that. Which is why I came prepared," he said slyly. Going to the door, he opened it and walked out, returning seconds later with a large arrangement of brightly colored flowers and an oversized teddy bear wearing a blue ribbon.

"They're lovely!" Susan exclaimed happily as he set the flowers on the bedside table.

"I think I know you better than you think," he said, winking at her. "Now, I think it's time you introduced me to that baby of yours, don't you agree?"

"Yes, of course," Susan said. "Robert, this is my baby. Baby, this is Robert."

"Can I hold him?" Robert asked hesitantly.

"Sure. Just be careful," Susan warned as she passed the baby to Robert. "Watch his head. Put your hand there. Good," she said, instructing him on how to hold her son. Robert sat again on the bed, smiling warmly at the baby boy in his arms.

"He's perfect, Susan," Robert said softly, smiling up at her. "Does he have a name? I'm guessing not since you introduced him to me as 'Baby.'"

"I've been thinking about it," Susan said.

"Come up with any good ones?" Robert teased.

"Aunt Alberta wants me to name him after her son," Susan said nonchalantly as she straightened her blanket.

"And his name was...?" Robert asked unsure if he really wanted the answer. From the little he knew of Susan's aunt, he knew she was a little eccentric and odd about some things. Susan giggled and replied, "Eustace Clarence Scrubb." Robert's eyes widened in horror, causing Susan to laugh even harder.

"You wouldn't dare," Robert said.

"Of course not! But if Aunt Alberta asks, say we considered it very carefully," Susan teased.

"We?" Robert asked, confused at his inclusion.

"We." Susan said firmly, smiling warmly at him.

"Have you let Philip know about the baby?" he asked, quickly changing the subject. Susan snorted and replied, "When would I have let him know? I just had the baby a few hours ago."

"True," Robert said, looking down at the baby, who had began squirming. "I think he wants his mother back." Robert passed the baby back to Susan, who quickly took him back in her arms.

"Besides," Susan added as she gently stroked the baby's face, smiling at him. "Philip doesn't want anything to do with the baby. He's already paid me off with what I like to refer to as "hush money" and I am perfectly alright with that arrangement."

"Susan," Robert began, his voice mixed with anger and sadness.

"No, it's okay. I just hope you won't have the same attitude about the baby as Philip did. I need someone's help and," Susan started, her voice cracking with emotion as she spoke.

"And what?" Robert whispered, urging her on.

"And I want that someone to be you. Not him," Susan whispered back. Robert smiled widely and squeezed her knee.

"Then I guess we had better name this kid before he gets too attached to us calling him baby," he said jokingly.

"I was thinking Edward. We could call him Ed for short. We used to call Edmund that sometimes; it would be nice to have someone to call Ed again," Susan said.

"Why not name him Edmund then after your brother?" Robert asked. Susan shook her head.

"I don't think I could do that. I think it would be too hard to have another Edmund around, especially since this little one looks so much like my brother," she explained.

"Well, Edward sounds like a perfect name. What about a middle name?" Robert asked. Susan took a deep breath before replying.

"You can say no if you want," she prefaced, her voice sounding nervous.

"Susan, I'm sure I'll be fine with whatever you pick. Besides, he's your son; you can name him anything you want," Robert said, his voice skeptical at Susan's nervousness.

"I was thinking George," Susan said softly, unable to meet Robert's surprised stare.

"George? Why?" he asked.

Susan looked up and said, "After your brother. You told me he saved your life once and, even though I'll never meet him, I'm very glad he did. Because it meant that you were brought to me," Susan said, her eyes tearing up. Robert's seemed to do the same before he cleared his throat and nodded.

"That sounds nice. Edward George," he said, smiling softly. "My parents will like that. George is a family name, going back to my great-great-grandfather. I have a cousin who was named after him too. There actually are several family members named George," he added, chuckling.

"Edward George. How do you like that?" Susan whispered to the baby, who seemed to understand her question and waved a tiny fist at her.

"I think he seems to like it very much," Robert said softly. Susan looked up and saw the tenderness in his eyes that she knew he felt towards her, her heart nearly skipping a beat as she suddenly remembered their kiss from so long ago, of their near kiss that day on the beach. And now, more than anything, she wanted to feel his lips on hers again. The feeling overtook her so suddenly she found it nearly hard to remember to breathe.

_Susan managed to escape the crowded Great Hall hours later. A lively party had broken out soon after Caspian's announcement, all of Narnia excited to celebrate Narnia's newest prince or princess. She stepped into the hall and closed the door behind her. Although she had regularly walked this way dozens of times since she had been here, it was rare that she stood and looked at the art on the wall. There was a particular painting she liked that hung at the end of the hall, one which she wanted to see again. Walking down the quiet hallway, her shoes clicked against the marble floor, echoing as she moved. When she reached the painting she was looking for, she stopped and stared up at it. It was large, larger than many that hung in the hall, and framed in gold. Staring back at her were four children, dressed in beautiful Narnian clothing, each wearing a shining crown and a wide smile. As she thought every time she saw this painting, she hoped whoever had saved this painting had been commended. _

_"It amazes me whenever I see this painting that four children saved this beautiful country," a voice said from behind her. _

_"Twice," Susan smiled as she turned to see Caspian standing next to her. He chuckled and nodded in agreement. _

_"Twice," he agreed. Susan turned back to the painting, scrutinizing the smiling faces that peered back at her. _

_"It's funny. I never thought we'd be here," she admitted. _

_"Here? In Narnia? You lived here for years; how would you think you'd never be here?" Caspian asked, confusedly. Susan shook her head and replied, "That's not what I meant. I never thought we'd be where we are in our lives. Peter's engaged, Edmund's... well, he's practically engaged. Lucy's in there talking about all the babies she'll have. I guess I just never saw them married and having children. I only saw myself in that position, and now here I am, the only Pevensie who's not getting married." _

_"Susan, I'm sorry," Caspian said quietly. Susan turned to him, her eyes shocked. _

_"Whatever for?" she asked._

_ "For not, well, I guess for not being what you wanted," he said softly, avoiding her stare. Susan placed her hand on his arm and said, "Caspian, you're a wonderful man and king. No woman could have wanted anything more. But you and I, we weren't meant to be. I see that now. I see what you and your wife have and I know, maybe I've always known, that you and I would never have had that love that you two share. You're both very lucky." Caspian smiled warmly at Susan and pulled her into his arms. _

_"Thank you. You've always been a good friend to me, even with our distance from each other," he said. _

_"Ahem," a bright voice came from behind them. They drew apart and saw Caspian's wife standing in the hall, a wide smile on her face. _

_"Dearest!" Caspian exclaimed, his voice tinged with fear. Susan giggled at the scared look on his face and exchanged a smile with his wife. _

_"It's okay, Caspian," his wife laughed. "The High King was looking for you. Apparently there's some sort of Narnian tradition of tossing the expecting father into the ocean?" Susan laughed, knowing there was no such tradition and was most likely a joke Peter and Edmund had hoped to play on Caspian. Caspian's face drained of its color as he stormed off towards the Great Hall. _

_"Do you think he'll be okay?" she asked Susan, who laughed and shook her head. _

_"There's no Narnian tradition, but I'm sure Peter and Edmund will get him nonetheless," Susan replied. _

_"Poor Caspian," his wife laughed. Susan turned serious for a moment and looked at the glowing woman standing next to her. _

_"I want you to know how happy I am for you and Caspian. This baby means the world to my siblings and me and we really couldn't be more thrilled," she said. _

_"I know," Caspian's wife said. "And you're wrong," she added, grasping Susan's hand in her own. _

_"What do you mean?" Susan asked. _

_"You'll be getting married and having children. You and your siblings will all be getting married and having children," she replied knowingly. _

_"How do you know? I have no one..." Susan trailed off as Caspian's wife tapped her temple with one finger. _

_"The stars see everything," she answered cryptically before turning and walking back to the Great Hall. _

_Susan stared at her, dumbfounded, before hurrying after her, calling, "But you're only half star!"_

Susan came home at the end of the week from the hospital. "We're here Edward," she whispered as the car stopped in front of the house. Uncle Harold got out of the car and walked around to Susan's side to help her out. As she stepped out, she carefully tucked the blanket Edward was wrapped in closer around him. Although it was late April, there was an unusual chill in the air.

"You go along Susan. I'll just get the bags from the trunk," Uncle Harold said, placing a kiss on her head before motioning her along. She walked up the cobbled path to the front door which suddenly opened as she neared it.

"You're here!" Aunt Alberta sang out as she stepped out of the door, ushering Susan inside. When they had stepped in, Susan was surprised with cheers of "Welcome home!" A large banner hung over the mantle in the living room that read "Welcome Baby Edward." Susan noticed that all the flowers she had received from various family members and friends of the family (none that were actually friends with her, but those who had been friends with her parents and siblings) had sent to her while she was in the hospital. Robert was there with his parents and were the ones who had cheered when Susan walked in the room.

"What is all this?" she cheerfully laughed.

"Oh, just a little welcome home party for you and the baby!" Aunt Alberta said as she took Edward from Susan's arms.

"Here, let me help you with your coat," Robert said as he moved forward. Susan allowed him to help and followed him to the entryway as he went to hang the coat up.

"This is all your doing," she stated quietly, a grin on her face.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Robert said, feigning innocence. Susan took his hand in hers and gave it a firm squeeze.

"Thank you for this," she whispered. Robert squeezed her hand back, letting it go to wrap his arm around her waist.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he repeated as he led her back to the living room. Uncle Harold walked through the door, lugging several large suitcases and a travel bag.

"Here, let me help you!" Robert said, moving his arm away from Susan as he grabbed two of the suitcases from Uncle Harold.

"Goodness Susan! Are you trying to kill a man? What on earth did you pack in here?" Uncle Harold cried as he dropped the other suitcase and bag.

"Well I didn't know what I would need while at the hospital! I wanted to make sure I had the proper things!" Susan exclaimed.

"Susan, you were going to have a baby, not attend a fancy party every night," Robert chuckled, earning him an annoyed glare from her.

"Better be careful son," Mr. St. James said as he walked into the entry way, followed closely by his wife and Aunt Alberta. "Keep up that teasing and she might give you the smack you deserve one day," he laughed.

"Ah, and then we'll know if it's love!" Mrs. St. James said, winking at Susan and Robert.

"Mother!" Robert hissed, his face turning pink. Susan felt her own face flush before she noticed Edward's face peeping out from Aunt Alberta's arms. She moved past the crowded room to take the baby from her aunt's arms, cuddling him close.

"He is simply darling," Mrs. St. James said, coming up behind Susan and carefully touching the baby's face.

"Thank you," Susan said softly as she smiled down at her son. A thought entered her head and she quickly turned to face the others in the room. "I have something I'd like to ask you all," she said before turning to walk into the living room. She sat on the sofa and waited for the others to do the same. Once everyone had been seated she smiled widely and said, "Thank you all so much for doing this for me and Edward. You all mean the world to me." She turned to her aunt and uncle and said, "Aunt Alberta, Uncle Harold, you both have been so supportive of me throughout this and I know we've only gotten close since... Well, since the accident. But you both have become like parents to me. I want you both to be Edward's god parents. I know you're family, but I figured this will make you both even more important in his life." Aunt Alberta burst into tears when Susan had finished, Uncle Harold looking as though he may as well. Susan suppressed a laugh; her aunt and uncle's sentimental ways never ceased to amuse her. She turned to Robert's parents and smiled warmly at them. "I know we haven't known each other very long, but you've both been such wonderful people to know. I hope you'll stay a part of my son's life," she said.

"Of course we will!" Mrs. St. James exclaimed happily, standing to place a kiss on Susan's head and hugging her. "You're a very special young woman, dear," she whispered in Susan's ear before sitting back down. The baby began to fuss suddenly and Susan moved him closer to her as she stood.

"I guess it is getting late. I suppose I should go get him fed and put down," she said.

"I'll come help," Robert said quickly as he stood.

"I- I think- Oh, well alright," Susan stuttered, surprised at Robert's eagerness.

"Thank you all again," Susan said as she turned when they reached the living room door.

"That was really nice of you," Robert said as he held Susan's bedroom door open for her.

"What was?" Susan asked as she walked in.

"Asking your aunt and uncle to be god parents. Telling my parents you wanted them in your son's life. It was really nice," Robert explained. He walked in and shut the door, walking to Susan's bed and sitting. Susan stood motionless, staring wide eyed at him. _He's on my bed. What's he doing on my bed? I think this is very very bad, but I don't think I want him to move, _Susan thought frantically. Edward squirmed in her arms, letting out a loud wail and bringing her attention back to the reason she had come upstairs in the first place.

"Well he certainly has his uncle's impatience," she muttered as she walked to her bed.

"And his mother's set of lungs," Robert chuckled.

"I meant what I said to your parents," Susan said as she checked the baby's diaper. "I figure you'll be involved a good deal with the baby, and me, and I think maybe they should be. Since they're your parents. It would be nice."

"I agree," Robert said softly as he brushed a piece of Susan's hair behind her ear. She felt her back stiffen, a warmth flooded her inside as she turned to look at him, surprised at his gesture. He smiled slightly and apologized. Susan hesitantly returned his smile before turning her attention back to the baby. Knowing it was feeding time, she suddenly felt awkward around Robert.

"I um, need to feed him," she said.

"Oh, right. Do you need any help?" Robert asked brightly. Susan bit her bottom lip nervously and replied, "Well, you see, it's kind of a one person job. New babies, well, they nurse."

"Oh! Of course!" Robert exclaimed, jumping off the bed quickly. "I'll um, I'll just be outside if you need anything. Any help," he said as he hurried to the door.

"Again, one person job," Susan reminded him warmly.

"Right, right," Robert said, walking out the door and closing it behind him. Susan looked down at her son and smiled.

"He's going to be such a good father for you," she whispered. Edward answered by giving her another loud wail.

* * *

"Hello there, Susan dear," a soft singsong voice called late one evening, months after Edward was born. Susan rolled over in her bed, shocked by the bright light coming from the mirror over her vanity. She knew the voice she had heard.

"What are you doing here?" she asked angrily, her voice barely louder than a hiss.

"Why, I've come to greet you and your new son," the light said as it began to take on shape. Her white blonde hair formed first, followed by her white face and limbs and finally her body, which was clothed in a sparkling white dress. The only color to her were her red lips and her deep black eyes, sharply contrasting with her skin.

"Jadis," Susan sneered. "You should be dead."

"Oh, but I am, stupid girl," the White Witch replied nastily.

"You dare to insult a queen of Narnia?" Susan asked, her eyes wide in fury.

"A queen of Narnia? I see no queen of Narnia. Only a foolish woman who has pretended for so long that she wasn't a queen that she has, in fact, forgotten what it means to be a queen. But your son," the White Witch added, her eyes widening in glee.

"You stay away from my son!" Susan cried.

"I could make your son into the greatest king Narnia has ever seen. Something your brothers never let happen," the White Witch said in a soft evil voice.

"You stay away from my son," Susan said, her voice equally as soft and evil. The White Witch grinned slyly at the change in Susan's voice.

"There's the little queen coming back now. Pity it wasn't sooner," she said. Susan saw in the mirror the witch held something in her arms, Susan's heart racing in terror as it began to take shape. Her son was cradled in the witch's white, cold arms.

"No!" Susan screamed as she sat up in bed. The room was dark, her mirror empty. Susan felt drenched in a cold sweat and shivered against the coolness of the room. Gasping, she jumped out of bed and hurled herself across the room to Edward's crib, peering into it to see her sleeping son. _He's alright. It was only a dream_, she thought as she reached in and ran her hand across her sleeping son's face. Her eyes widened as her hand made contact with his skin; it was icy cold. Quickly picking him up, the baby woke crying and his skin returned to its normal temperature. "Shh, shh," she cooed as she hugged her son tightly, rocking him gently in her arms. _Oh, Aslan,_ she thought. _Please protect him. _

_"Lucy, don't you think you're a little too old for stuffed toys?" Edmund asked one night as the four Pevensies were huddled in Susan and Lucy's room. It was Christmas holidays and they had all just returned home from school. Edmund picked up the ragged stuffed lion that sat on Lucy's desk._

_ "Put him down!" Lucy cried, jumping off her bed to rescue the lion. _

_"Shh, Lu! Keep it down or Mum and Dad will have a fit that we're all still awake!" Peter hissed. Lucy snatched the lion from Edmund and hugged it close. _

_"I don't play with it anymore, Edmund. I just like to have it around," Lucy whispered indignantly. Edmund smirked at his sister and chuckled._

_ "She sometimes sleeps with it," Susan called softly, giggling at Lucy's look of horror on her face. _

_"Susan!" Lucy wailed. "Why would you say that? I only do that because I think it looks like Aslan!"_

_ "Oh, Lu, don't worry!" Peter said cheerfully as he put his arm around his youngest sister's shoulders. "We all know that's always been your favorite toy, even before we all went to Narnia. But, should I let you in on a little secret?" he asked, a twinkle in his eye. _

_"Yes, please" Lucy eagerly replied. Peter leaned down to whisper loudly, "Edmund still has an old teddy bear hidden beneath his bed that he sometimes pulls out on stormy nights to cuddle." The two girls and Peter laughed loudly, forgetting to keep their voices quiet, as Edmund turned bright red. _

_"I'll get you for that!" he yelled, running at his brother and knocking him onto Lucy's bed. Peter laughed as he tried to push Edmund off of him, saying, "Get off of me! You'll never best the High King!" The two brothers wrestled to the floor, neither hurting the other, while their sisters stood by and laughed. A creak down the hallway alerted Susan that her parents were up and she hissed, "That's it! We're done for!" The two boys froze, Edmund's hand on the scuff of Peter's neck, Peter's arm holding back Edmund's arm. _

_"Oh, where's a wardrobe when you need it?" Edmund said as he scurried to stand up._

The next morning Susan climbed the stairs to the attic where she had stored most of her belongings from her old house. There was a particular box that she was searching for amid the mountain of boxes that were stacked in there. Eyes widening at the sight of them, she sighed and determinedly pushed up her sleeves. "This may take all day," she muttered as she pulled open the first box, grunting as she saw it was filled with kitchen utensils. An hour passed before she sat back on her heels, wiping sweat from her brow. "Twenty-two boxes and I still haven't found it!" she cried softly as frustration began to set in. Light shone in through the small attic window, illuminating the dust specks that floated around the air. A feeling pulled her towards it as she glanced around a stack of boxes to follow the light's path. It ended on a single box that sat alone against the box mountain. Susan moved to the box, a sense of hope filling her, and pulled open the top, revealing exactly what she had been looking for.

When she had climbed down the attic stairs, she happily walked back to her bedroom and immediately went to the crib. Edward was laying there, awake from his nap, and waved his tiny fists at the sight of his mother. "Hello, little prince. Did you wake up?" she cooed, tickling his tummy. "Mummy has brought something for you." She placed a small stuffed lion next to her son, who turned his head slightly towards toy. "Your Aunt Lucy always said this looked like Aslan. Maybe it will bring you some of his protection," she whispered. Edward grasped the lion and pulled it to his mouth. Susan clenched her teeth nervously and quickly pulled the lion away and said, "Maybe, after I give him a bath first."

**AN: I know I said last chapter that I wouldn't update for a while because I had no idea where I was going... But I basically locked myself away with my computer yesterday and mapped out the rest of this story, figured out what was going to happen, decided on a plot and etc., etc., etc. And let me just say, I'm VERY excited about it! Like, nearly did a happy dance excited about it. **


	13. A Conversation with the King

**AN: I think maybe I'm updating too fast... either that or not many folks like the last chapter. I miss you, reviewers! Although I don't want to be one of those writers who begs for reviews (though they really are LOVED...). Anyway... Just a quick note then you can read. The Scrubbs (Aunt Alberta and Uncle Harold) are vegetarians and teetotallers (yeah, just google that word). Also, there's a scene in here that follows a scene from Choosing Grace (just warning you)! **

It was a few days before Edward turned five months old when Susan decided it was time to introduce him to her siblings. She had hoped to do it sooner, knowing had they been alive they would have hated to wait, but having a new baby was more work than she had expected. Between the 2am feedings and constant diaper changings, the early mornings and even later nights, Susan was worn thin. Her only saving grace was the help she received from Robert and her aunt and uncle. Aunt Alberta and Uncle Harold were always eager to watch the baby, allowing Susan time for much needed naps. Robert, as promised, helped however he could and would come over at least once a week to take the baby for a walk or a drive while Susan took a bubble bath or relaxed with a cup of coffee.

Susan buttoned up the knit sweater she had dressed Edward in, hoping he would be warm enough while at the same time worrying if he would be over-warm. Although it was mid-September, it was much warmer than usual, the type of weather that can be unpredictable and is best combated by layering sweaters over clothing just in case. Deciding she could always take off his sweater if needed, she brushed her worries aside and gathered him in her arms, pausing in front of her mirror to adjust her hat. A shiver ran down her spine as she remembered her dream of the White Witch from several nights ago. Glancing down at Edward, she whispered, "We won't let that nasty witch get us, will we? Let's go get your lion." She turned to the crib and picked up the stuffed toy, shaking it gently in front of the baby. He reached out his hands for it and Susan tucked it next to him so it wouldn't fall. She had quickly discovered that the stuffed lion, as it had so many nights for Lucy, was a comfort to the baby and that he would often stop crying whenever she put it near him.

"What do you say, little prince? Shall we go meet the king?" she asked cheerfully. Edward waved his fist in response, an agreement in Susan's mind.

* * *

They pulled up to the curb near the cemetery and Susan looked out the window of the car. The large trees that towered over the cemetery had changed colors, their bright green leaves turning into the deep reds, fiery oranges and rich golds of fall. Fall had always been one of Susan's favorite seasons, not only because her birthday happened to fall during that time, but because for brief moments she could stare at the trees and remember the lovely falls in Narnia. It was the only season in London that was similar to those in Narnia; in London winter was always wet, spring was always cold, and summer was always stuffy. But fall, with its crisp air and colors, allowed Susan to remember happier times in Narnia and imagine she was home again.

Susan walked to the side of the car and unhooked Edward from his safety seat which sat in the rear seat of Uncle Harold's car. He had decided not to go into the office today and had kindly let Susan borrow it. She had just recently learned to drive, having always felt learning to drive was pointless when she could always take a taxi, and enjoyed every moment of her new found freedom, whenever she had the luxury of borrowing the car. Cradling the baby on her hip, she made sure to remember the stuffed lion, once again tucking it next to Edward.

"Look at the trees, my darling," she said, pointing to the trees that swayed in the wind. "Don't they seem to dance?" She stood still, hugging Edward to her as she remembered the trees in Narnia that did dance. The dryads who would join them in the woods, dancing about their trees as their limbs swayed to and fro. A sharp cry came from her arms and she glanced down, frowning at her squirming son. "Alright, alright, we'll go. You're so impatient!" she playfully scolded and placed a small kiss on the baby's head.

Susan walked through the cemetery towards her family's graves, stopping intermittently to point out a squirrel or flowers to Edward. When she reached the gravesite, she spoke briefly to her parents before turning to her three siblings' headstones. She unwrapped the blanket that covered Edward and sat, spreading it on the ground before putting the baby on it. She drew her knees up, covering them with her full skirt, before talking.

"Hi," she said softly, waving slightly. "This is him. Edward George Pevensie," she said, rubbing her hand over her son's back. He was lying on his stomach chewing on the paw of the stuffed lion, a pastime, Susan had come to learn, he enjoyed doing a good bit. "He's- He's just been the best thing in the world. Sometimes I just look at him and feel like I'm going to burst from love. I wish you three could see him; I hope wherever you are you can." Susan rested her chin on her knees, staring at the headstones and wishing they could respond. "I see a lot of Edmund in him, even as young as he is. Remember, Peter, when Edmund used to scream if Mum wasn't paying attention to him? Edward here has me wrapped around his finger just as badly as Edmund had Mum wrapped around his!" Susan laughed, remembering how terrible Edmund's temper was as a young child when their parents would pay more attention to Lucy than to him.

"I named him after you, Ed. I wanted someone to call Ed again and he reminded me so much of you. I hope you would have approved. And," Susan added, dropping her voice lower. "His middle name, George, is from my friend, Robert… you've seen him here before. His older brother was named George, which is who I tell everyone I named him after. But, just between the four of us, I also named him after someone else. He also got his name from Georgiana. She was such a big part of our family, I wanted something to remember her by as well," Susan said quietly. Smirking at Edmund's headstone, she added, "I'm hoping maybe naming him after her will balance some of your traits I see in him, Ed. Just like Georgiana balanced you."

Edward began to fuss so Susan picked him up and sat him in her lap. A bright red leaf floated down and landed in front of her. She picked it up and twirled it in front of the baby earning her a giggle from her son. Smiling, she looked up and said, "Don't worry, Peter and Lucy. He has plenty of you two in him as well. He has your eyes, Pete; I worried they might change colors after he was born, but they've stayed as blue as they were the day he was born. And his nose: he has your nose Lucy." Susan smiled and lightly touched her son's nose, her smile widening as he looked up at her. She picked up the stuffed lion and made it dance in front of Edward, who clapped at it and pulled it closer to him. Susan sighed deeply, her smile waning as she looked back up at the headstones.

"I came here for another reason, too. I don't know if they mean anything, but I've been having dreams lately. Horrible, vivid ones, about Narnia. There was one just the other night: the White Witch appeared and had Edward. She told me she could make him a king. I wasn't afraid of her; she can't do anything to me. I was afraid of what she could do to my son. There have been are others too. Our home is being attacked and we're fighting, but it isn't really us. It's someone else. I can't tell who it is, other than they're fighting hard. I feel us there, though, in the midst of it, watching the destruction. Men are dying, Narnians are dying, but there doesn't seem to be any goal other than fighting." Susan sighed again and added, "I wish I knew what they meant." Shivering slightly, whether from the cool breeze that had begun to blow or the horrors of her dreams, Susan decided to change the subject.

"I think I'm falling in love with Robert," she stated, her heart beginning to race at her sudden admission. "That's the first time I've ever said that out loud. It feels good to say it, too. He's so different from everyone I've ever loved. Well, maybe not loved; I don't think I've ever truly loved. Liked? But he's different from Rabadash, and Caspian, and certainly from Philip. He's kind, and caring, and strong. He's like a knight in shining armor," Susan said, her voice becoming dreamy. In the back of her mind she began to imagine snickering, knowing that's what her siblings, especially Edmund, would have done if they were here. Shaking herself slightly, she giggled. "Okay, maybe I shouldn't fawn over him like I used to fawn over Rabadash and Caspian. But he really is good to me and even better to Edward. I know you three would approve of him."

Susan sat in the cemetery for another hour, enjoying the fall day and talking to her siblings about what had been happening in her life since she last visited, telling them all the various milestones Edward had surpassed and continuing to talk of her growing love for Robert. Her son continued to happily play with the lion and was entertained by leaves Susan twirled for him. The air began to change and become cooler, signaling to Susan that it was getting to be time to leave. As she wrapped Edward again in his blanket and prepared herself to say goodbye to her family, she heard her name called from across the cemetery. Turning, she saw Robert walking up the path towards her carrying what looked to be one of her coats.

"What are you doing here?" she asked as she stood, lifting Edward in her arms.

"I stopped by your house and your aunt said you were here. She was getting worried because you'd been gone for so long so I told her I'd come see if you were still here," Robert explained, a bit sheepishly. Susan cocked an eyebrow at him and laughed.

"Let me guess: Aunt Alberta guilted you into coming here to check on me?" she asked teasingly.

"Yes," Robert admitted, chuckling. "That woman has a way of making me feel like I'm five years old. But I'm glad I came anyway. You and I were supposed to have coffee, remember?" Susan's eyes widened and she gasped.

"Oh, that's right! I completely forgot!" she exclaimed.

"It's okay," Robert chuckled. "I planned on taking you to dinner tonight anyway, so we'll call it even."

"Dinner? But what about Edward?" Susan asked.

"Your aunt and uncle have already agreed to watch him. I have everything taken care of. You need a night out; you haven't had one since…" Robert trailed off as he thought. "Well, when was the last time you had a night out?" Susan laughed and linked her arm through Robert's.

"I honestly can't remember," she said, smiling up at him. They both laughed together as they began walking back to the cemetery entrance. "Why do you have my coat?" she asked as an afterthought.

"I don't know. I thought maybe you'd needed it," Robert admitted. Susan smiled warmly and nuzzled Edward, who had fallen asleep in her arms.

"Say, you two go on ahead. I think I may have dropped something back there," he said suddenly, stopping in the middle of the path.

"Okay," Susan said slowly as she pulled her arm from his.

"I'll come pick you up at seven. Be ready!" he called as he trotted back towards her family's graves. She shook her head in confusion and began walking back to her car. Before she turned down the path that led to the cemetery entrance, she looked back at Robert. He was standing before her siblings' headstones, his hands moving as though he was explaining something. Susan cocked her head, curious of and confused by his actions. She then saw him step towards one of the headstones (_Peter's from the looks of it,_ she thought) and bend over as though picking something up. Shaking her head again, she continued to head back to her car, shivering from the dropping temperature._ Maybe I should have gotten my coat from him after all_, she thought.

_The boy snuck down the stairs and peered his head around the corner into the dark hallway. A faun stood guard, his head nodding, several feet away. Tiptoeing, the boy quietly crept towards the Great Hall. When he reached it, he carefully pushed on the door, saying a quick prayer it would make no noise. He entered the room, making his way through the dark. The only light in the room came through the large stain-glass windows, the moonlight pouring through them turning shades of red and green from the colored glass. He walked behind the dais and to the tapestry that he knew concealed the secret room he had visited weeks ago. Glancing over his shoulder, he pushed back the heavy material and quietly opened the door. _Sixteen steps and I'm at the bottom_, he thought to himself as he carefully counted each step on the way down. When he had reached the bottom of the stairs, he felt along the wall until his fingers touched one of the unlit torches that hung. Feeling his way back to the bottom step, he sat and pulled two pieces of flint out of his pocket. He struck them together several times, hitting his finger only once, until the torch was lit. Holding it up, he walked deeper into the room looking at the various jewels and decorative weapons in the treasure chamber. _

_On one shelf sat a large ornately carved wooden box, polished so brightly that it gleamed. In it, perched upon a deep red cushion, were four rings, each of a different stone, set in gold. The largest one was a dark red ruby, so dark it nearly looked like blood. The others were not quite as large but still larger than any ring the boy had seen, one a deep green emerald, another so pale blue it nearly looked clear, and the last a bright, cheerful yellow. The boy gingerly held out a finger towards the rings, timid to touch them but feeling as though he must. Before his finger made the slightest contact, he heard a low growl from the dark corner of the treasure chamber. Pulling his hand away, he turned swiftly, his hand reaching for the knife he wore at his belt. _

_"Who's there?" he called softly. A large lion stepped out, light radiating from him. "Aslan!" the boy cried, dropping to his knee quickly. The Lion walked closer, chuckling. _

_"Rise, Son of Adam. Tell me what you're doing," he said. _

_"I wanted to look down here. I wasn't going to take anything," the boy said nervously. _

_"I know you were not. What is it you wanted to see?" Aslan asked. _

_"Nothing specific, sir. I just- I feel drawn to them, the kings and queens of old. I can't understand why they left, why they would leave Narnia and all of this behind. Their kingdom is falling further into despair each day. If only they where still here…" the boy trailed off as he saw Aslan's mane shaking. _

_"Son, they would be over three hundred years old if they were still here. I do not think they would be of much use in that condition," the Lion chuckled. _

_"That's true," the boy said softly, turning to look at the four statues that were barely illuminated on the side of the room. _

_"They left because it was their time to leave and left, as you put it, 'all of this' behind because it was their time to leave it behind, just as it is yours to leave behind," Aslan said. The boy turned his head quickly back to Aslan, his eyes wide in shock. The Lion chuckled softly and added, "But maybe you won't have to leave everything behind. Maybe a souvenir?" _

_The boy smiled, and said, "Thank you, Aslan." _

_"Choose quickly, for your time here is nearly done," Aslan said warningly. The boy glanced at the shelf that stood nearest him, a small sparkling trinket catching his eye. He grabbed it quickly when Aslan blew on his torch, sending him into darkness. When he next opened his eyes, he saw that he was standing in a field near a pond that had a large tree growing next to it, its branches extending over the smooth water._

Later that evening Susan stood in front of her mirror and applied a final sweep of her favorite pink lipstick. She wore the silvery blue dress she had bought in Paris, dressing it up with the strands of pearls she had inherited from her mother. Her hair, which had grown very long over the past year, was piled on top her head in a smooth up-do. "All I need is my crown and I'd look very much like myself again," she whispered to her reflection, smiling softly at her appearance. Turning to her bed, her smile widened as she looked at her son who was lying in the center of the bed on his stomach.

"Well, how does Mummy look?" she asked. She received a string of baby gurgles and noises, which caused her to laugh. Walking to the bed, she picked up Edward and said, "I expect you to be on your best behavior tonight, little prince. You mustn't give your Aunt Alberta and Uncle Harold any trouble. Unless they try to call you Eustace again. Then you give them all the trouble you want." Susan laughed softly as Edward stared at her, his eyes wide.

As Susan walked down the stairs carrying Edward, she heard a knock on the front door. "Aunt Alberta!" she called, hurrying down the last few steps and handing her son to her aunt who had just walked in from the living room. Susan hurried to the door and opened it, breathless to see Robert. He stood in the doorway, a lazy grin on his face, wearing one of his more casual suits. Susan's wide smile dropped and her face scrunched into a look of confusion mixed with irritation.

"Why are you dressed like that?" she asked frantically, remembering the first time he had taken her out. Robert laughed loudly and said, "We're just going to dinner. I didn't feel I needed a tuxedo this time. But you look very nice."

"I'm over dressed!" Susan cried, turning and stormed back to the stairs. She began muttering as she stomped up the stairs, "First I'm not dressed enough, now I'm too dressed up. I used to be the one who decided what to wear and everyone mimicked me, not the other way around!"

Robert stood by the banister and called up behind her, "Try to hurry! We don't want to be late!" Susan answered him by slamming her bedroom door.

* * *

"Oh I had forgotten how much I enjoy meat! Oh, and wine too! It's been so long since I've had either!" Susan exclaimed as she took a bite of her meal. Robert chuckled and waved his fork at her.

"Eat as much as you want; there's plenty more where that came from," he said.

"I shouldn't. It's taken me nearly 5 months to get fit back into my clothes!" Susan laughed. Robert smiled and returned to his meal. Eyeing him slyly, Susan added, "In fact, I've been hoping that dress I had on earlier would fit again. I was so excited when I put it on earlier and it did fit." He snorted and then laughed heartily.

"If that wasn't the world's biggest hint I don't know what is," he said, his eyes twinkling in merriment. Susan rolled her eyes and took a sip of her wine. "I guess I'll just have to take you out again," Robert said nonchalantly. Susan put her wine glass and smiled.

"Are you asking me out on a date?" she asked teasingly. Robert smiled gently and, looking up at her, said, "You know I would want to, but I know you don't-"

"I want to," Susan said quickly, interrupting him.

"Well, then I'm definitely asking you out on a date," Robert said, grinning.

_Rabadash wrapped his hand tightly around Susan's waist as they began to dance. "Your brother the High King does not seem to approve of me," the prince commented. "Oh, no, Prince Rabadash! My brother is very pleased by your visit. We all are," Susan said quickly. "That is very good to hear, O Queen. Especially if you are pleased," Rabadash said, smiling charmingly at Susan. "Oh, I am!" Susan said eagerly. Rabadash chuckled as he turned Susan to the music. _Why would you say that? Say something clever, something charming and sweet! Show him you're a queen!_ Susan's mind screamed as she blushed in embarrassment. "Prince Rabadash, have you seen-" Susan began, stopping when she stared into the prince's eyes, losing herself in their depth. "Yes, O Queen?" he prodded gently, once again giving her a charming smile that set her heart off full speed. "The trees! We have… trees," Susan stammered, her face continuing to burn._

_

* * *

_

_Susan walked out of the small dining room with Caspian, her hand in the crook of his arm as he walked her back to the castle apartment she shared with her siblings. "I'm sorry Peter was so dreadful to you," she said, hoping to break the silence between them. "Well, it's to be expected, I suppose," Caspian sighed. "Thank you for sticking up for me however." Susan blushed and said, "Well, Peter was out of line by not telling me about Lady Georgiana. You were only doing the right thing." They continued walking, coming near a corner, when Caspian looked down at her and said, "You looked especially nice tonight." Susan's heart began to race as she smiled at Caspian. "Ow!" Susan exclaimed suddenly as she ran into the corner they had come upon. "Are you alright?" Caspian asked alarmed. "Yes, yes, I'm fine," Susan muttered as she righted herself and continued walking down the corridor. _Get a hold of yourself, Susan! You're supposed to be a queen, not an imbecile!_ she mentally scolded herself._

"I'm so full I may burst!" Susan moaned, grabbing her stomach dramatically.

"I told you to take it easy on that second piece of cake," Robert chuckled as the two walked through the park. They had decided to go to the park, the one where they had shared their first kiss, to walk off the enormous meal they had eaten.

"But it was so good! I've missed cake, too!" Susan exclaimed.

"You knew what you were getting into when you moved in with people who have strange eating habits," Robert chuckled, glancing down when he felt Susan's hand brush against his. When he looked back up at her, he saw she was staring up at the sky, a dreamy look on her face. "What are you thinking about?" he asked.

"Do you think the stars are watching us right now?" she asked dreamily.

"I think so. But hopefully they won't be banished from the heavens from watching us too closely, the little spies," Robert teased. Susan looked at him strangely, her brow furrowed, and said, "Banished from the heavens? What an odd thing to say."

"No more odd than wondering if the stars are watching us," Robert teased again. Susan felt his hand brush down the side of her arm before it reached her hand, his fingers intertwining with hers. She smiled and gently squeezed his hand.

"Look where we are," he said as he stopped. They were standing in front of the park's fountain, the lights once again illuminating the water.

"Why don't we sit?" Susan suggested, taking a deep nervous breath. They sat on the edge of the stone fountain, their hands still intertwined. Susan shivered slightly against the coolness of the stone under her legs.

"Are you cold?" Robert asked, letting her hand go as he started to take off his coat.

"Thank you," Susan said politely when he wrapped it around her shoulders.

"Remember when we were here before? You were so drunk from that champagne!" Robert chuckled.

"I was not," Susan muttered, her cheeks flushing.

"Susan, you nearly got hit by a car. Twice!" he teased as her cheeks flamed even brighter.

"What did you wish for before when we were here?" she asked, changing the subject.

Robert was silent for a moment. "I wished to kiss you," he said softly. Susan looked down at her lap as she fingered the long sleeves of Robert's coat. "I haven't stopped thinking about wishing for it again since that night," he added. Susan's head jerked up, her eyes wide.

"Do you have any money?" she asked, the corner of her mouth lifting into a smirk. Robert dug in his pocket, his eyes never leaving hers, until he produced a silver coin. Susan took it from him and, without moving her eyes from his, tossed it into the water. A tiny plunk sounded as Robert leaned forward and closed the gap between them, his lips pressing softly onto Susan's. The fire that had filled her before swirled through her again, this time faster and hotter. This was the moment she had imagined for months, years even, since they had kissed that night so long ago. She lifted her hand and placed it on his shoulder, moving herself closer to him. Her movement made him deepen the kiss, burying his hands in her hair.

When they pulled away, both were left breathless and speechless, leaning their foreheads together as they struggled to catch their breath. Robert moved his hand down Susan's back, gently stroking up and down along her spine. Susan kept her eyes closed, afraid that opening them would ruin the magic between them. Her face broke into a smile, the feeling uncontrollable and wonderful at the same time, when she felt Robert move slightly and kiss her on the tip of her nose. Sighing against her he said, "Susan, I have to leave." Her eyes popped open and she jerked back, her face frozen in horror.

"Leave? But why? Was it not, I mean, was I not-?" she stuttered, afraid that he hadn't felt the same from the kiss as she did.

"No, no, no!" Robert said quickly, grabbing Susan's face gently between her hands and kissing her on the forehead. "It was perfect. You're perfect. I didn't mean to blurt it out like that," he explained, pushing her hair back with one hand. Susan gave a shaky laugh, her heart still racing.

"I meant I have to go to America for a few weeks to meet with some associates. Our business is doing really well here and the company's owner wants me to meet with some of his bigger clients to see if I can take on their business," he said.

"When do you leave?" Susan asked. "In a couple days. I wish you could come with me this time, but I know that would be impossible with the baby," Robert said. He took her hand in his and began rubbing circles on it with his thumb. Susan stared down at the hand he held, momentarily entranced by it, before looking up and smiling at him and asking, "You'll bring me back something pretty, right?"

**Earlier that day…**

"_Say, you two go on ahead. I think I may have dropped something back there," Robert said suddenly. _

_"Okay," Susan replied slowly as she pulled her arm from his. _

_"I'll come pick you up at seven. Be ready!" he called as he trotted back towards her family's graves. When he was nearly there, he turned to look over his shoulder. Susan was walking back towards the cemetery entrance, hugging her son closer to her. _I should have given her coat to her_, he thought, looking down at the forgotten piece of clothing in his hand. He shrugged his shoulders and continued walking towards the Pevensies' graves. When he reached them, he stood in front of Susan's siblings feeling awkward._

_"I feel rather foolish coming here and talking to headstones, especially those of people I never knew, but I thought since Susan talks to you, I should give it a try. I don't know if you three would approve of me, but I sincerely hope you would. I love your sister and I will do whatever it takes to take care of her and support her, however she'll have me. Wherever you are, I hope you know that," Robert said, his hands moving as he explained. "She's a good woman, your sister. I suppose I came here to ask your blessing. As soon as she realizes she loves me back, however long it takes, I want to ask her to marry me." _

_Giving the headstones a final glance, Robert nodded and turned slightly to leave. Out of the corner something caught his eye, a tiny gleam coming from the ground. He turned towards it, peering at the object that had caused him to stop. It sat nestled in a tuft of grass next to Peter's headstone. Robert bent down and picked it up, his face widening into a look of shock before grinning as he looked at the object. _

_"Thank you," he said to the headstones. "Thanks a lot."_

**WARNING!: I'm gonna go ahead and warn you, the next few chapters (well, actually the rest of this story) is going to be heavily based on and intertwined with Choosing Grace (because this IS a sequel, after all). Now, I obviously can't make you, but don't blame me when you don't understand some of the upcoming parts and the ending doesn't have that great of a "WOW" factor! **

**Also, thinking ahead to my next project (because I have found that I absolutely LOVE doing this!)... I'm thinking a Lucy/Peter (not them together, obv) story... Thoughts? Yes? No? Is it possible? **


	14. How Susan Found Herself Changed

**AN: Well, I realized something a little while ago... Apparently I've got this "Twilight" theme going on with some of my characters: Baby Edward... Robert... I guess subconciously when I was naming them I had "Twilight" on the brain... or maybe I'm just excited for "Eclipse" coming out tomorrow night (yes, I will be at the midnight premiere, will you?) **

* * *

"I think you should take this as well," Susan said, holding up a blue shirt. "And also maybe an extra jacket. It could get cold. Do you think you'll need more than four ties? Maybe another one…" Susan turned to the closet and began going through the clothes, the blue shirt she had held up now draped over her arm.

"Susan, I'll only be gone a couple weeks and most of that time I'll be traveling. I don't need to take my entire wardrobe," Robert laughed. Susan turned her head towards him and gave him a scrutinizing look before turning back to the closet.

"Do you have a heavier coat in here? Maybe you should take one just in case," she said, looking further into the closet.

"Susan!" Robert said loudly, continuing to laugh at her. He walked up behind her and grabbed her shoulders, pulling her away from the closet and turning her towards him. "You insane wonderful woman, I will only be gone two weeks!" He moved his hands from her shoulders to cup her face, kissing her gently. When he pulled back Susan smoothed the front of his shirt, keeping her eyes on the top button of it.

"I know, but I just want to make sure that you have enough. I want to make sure you're taken care of," she said bashfully. Robert nudged Susan's chin up and smiled down at her.

"And while I love that you want to take care of me, I would love it even more if you would just sit down and let me pack so I'm not sent off with enough clothing for all of America!" he teased. Susan wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned her head against his chest.

"I'm going to miss you," she said softly. Robert hugged her closely and dropped a kiss on top of her head.

"I'll miss you, too," he replied. The couple stood still for several long moments, their arms wrapped around each other, before Robert pulled away and gently pushed Susan towards his bed. "Now, sit yourself down and no more mothering! I have a mother downstairs for that and you have a son of your own to fuss over," he teased.

* * *

Susan awoke later in the middle of the night from a low creak in her room, her heart racing as she sat up in bed. Across the room was a blonde headed man standing over her son's crib. A glint from the knife he carried shone from the moonlight coming through the window. Susan suddenly felt heavier, the weight of her clothing pressing on her. She looked down and saw she was no longer wearing her normal nightgown but instead one that looked older, as though from a different time.

_Like the one I wore that night at Anvard_, she thought. Looking around the room she saw that she was no longer in her bedroom but was instead back in that very room where one of Lord Brin's henchmen had attempted to kill her.

"This is a dream," she whispered. The man turned to look at her, his face still twisted in an evil smile, and said, "No, it isn't, foolish queen."

Her eyes widened in fear before narrowing in anger. Glancing briefly at the door, she half expected Georgiana to burst in and throw another book at the man. Susan saw her bow and quiver of arrows lying next to her bed, the same place it had laid all those years ago. Looking back at the man angrily, she climbed out of bed, grabbed the bow and knocked an arrow. Pointing it at the man, she said in a low, steady voice, "I suggest you step away from there."

The man snorted and turned back to the crib, raising his knife in preparation to strike. Susan released the string of the bow, the arrow zooming through the room and striking the man in the throat. As the man fell to the ground, dead, Susan felt a wave of exhaustion overtake her. The bow clattered to the floor as she clasped the high poster of the bed, struggling not to fall over. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath in hopes to right herself. When she opened her eyes, her room was back to normal as was she. The feeling of exhaustion was gone as suddenly as it had come over her. Straightening herself up, she crossed the room to where her son slept. The man she had shot was no longer there, the blood from his wound disappeared. She looked into the crib and saw Edward, sleeping soundly as though nothing had happened.

"I'm not going mad," Susan whispered to herself. Stepping closer to the crib, she felt something under her foot. She looked down and saw the stuffed lion on the floor. Susan bent and picked up the toy, her brow furrowing as she stared at it. Warmth began to fill the room, a familiar feeling Susan knew she had felt before. Glancing around the room, she saw that it was still, as it had been when she went to sleep.

"Aslan?" she whispered to the room.

* * *

The next morning Susan was in a daze, confused by the events from the night before. When she answered the door to see Robert, he frowned at her appearance, noting the dark circles under her eyes from a lack of sleep.

"What's wrong?" he asked as soon as he saw her.

"Nothing. I just didn't sleep well," Susan said softly. Robert stepped in the house and shut the door behind him. Taking Susan into his arms, he said, "Neither did I. I tossed and turned all night thinking of how I would love nothing more than to cancel my trip and stay here with you."

"You have to go," Susan said, giving him a small smile.

"Oh?" Robert asked as he raised an eyebrow.

"We already packed," Susan said sweetly. Robert chuckled and kissed her quickly.

"I can always unpack," he whispered as he pulled her closer, pressing his lips against hers again, this time kissing her deeper and slower. Susan pulled back and smiled.

"Come tell Edward goodbye," she said. Taking Robert's hand in hers she led him into the living room where Edward was lying on a blanket. Robert dropped Susan's hand and walked to the blanket, crouching to pick up the baby.

"Now, young man. I want you to be a good boy for your mother and take extra good care of her for me while I'm gone," he said to the baby. Edward looked at him, his blue eyes wide, and put his hand on Robert's mouth. Chuckling, Robert took the tiny hand and gave it a small kiss. Susan smiled wide as she stared at the perfect scene in front of her, the man she loved holding her son, both whom she loved more than life itself. Robert glanced towards her, laughing softly over the silly smile Susan wore. "Shall we be going?" he asked as he walked closer to her.

"It's getting to be that time," she replied, taking her son from him. "Let me go give him to Aunt Alberta and we'll be off."

* * *

"Did you want to drive?" Robert asked teasingly, peering at Susan from the corner of his eye.

"What? Oh, no," Susan said, coming out of her daze. They drove in the drizzly rain to the airport where Robert would catch his flight to America. Susan had agreed to see him off and drive his car back home while he was gone.

"Why are you so gloomy then?" he asked. Susan had been quiet the entire ride and sat still, staring at her hands in her lap.

"It's nothing," she whispered.

"Susan, you know I don't believe you," Robert said warningly. Susan's head jerked up, irritated from his tone.

"Well, that's really too bad, isn't it?" she spat, turning her head to stare out the window. Robert turned to her and glared. He pulled the car over and stopped. Susan pulled her gaze from the window to look at Robert and was met with an angry stare.

"What's wrong with you, Susan? Are you mad at me for leaving? Is this really how you want us to part for two weeks?" he asked angrily. Susan's face fell and she shook her head.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. I just have a lot on my mind," she said quietly, staring at her hands again. Robert reached over and placed a finger under her chin, forcing her to look at him.

"Then tell me what it is. Let me take some of your burdens," he said softly. Susan shook her head quickly.

"I can't tell you because I don't know what's really bothering me. It's just a feeling I have that something bad is going to happen."

"Susan, nothing bad is going to happen to you. Not if I can help it," Robert said firmly. Susan gave him a small smile.

"You're going to miss your flight," she said.

"Hang the flight. We're not going until you tell me you're alright," he said sternly.

"I'm alright, I promise. Let's go," she laughed. Giving her a final stare, Robert sighed and pulled away from the curb.

When they had reached the airport and Robert had parked the car in a large parking lot, the two stepped out of the car, hurrying to grab his bag and rush under a large umbrella inside. Once under the safety of the entryway, Robert lowered the umbrella and took Susan's hand, leading her inside. As Robert checked in for his flight at the main desk, Susan looked around at the busy airport. Travelers rushed to and fro from one terminal to the next while smartly dressed stewardesses and pilots wove in between the crowds, pulling small suitcases behind them. When Robert had finished checking in, he put his ticket in his coat pocket and grabbed Susan's hand again. He pulled her along with him, hurrying to his terminal, as she continued to observe others in the airport.

"Susan, will you come on?" he said impatiently as she slowed to let a man running pass her. Susan gave him a strange look as she hurried with him, forcing herself not to be distracted. When they reached Robert's terminal they entered and checked the flight time. "Ten minutes early! How about that?" Robert said, smiling down at Susan.

"Yes, so there really was no need to nearly pull my arm out of its socket, was there?" Susan grumbled as she rubbed her sore shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he said, giving her a wide smile. They sat on the leather seats near the gate's door as they waited for the announcement to begin loading the airplane. Robert wrapped his arm around Susan's shoulders, rubbing her sore one, as they sat quietly. Several minutes later a stewardess wearing a navy suit stepped next to a desk near the gate and announced that the plane would be loading its passengers. Robert stood and grabbed his bag. Susan stood as well, a lump appearing in her throat.

"You don't have to go stand outside if you want, with it raining and all," Robert said. Susan looked beyond him out the window; the rain seemed to have stopped momentarily, though the sky remained a dull gray.

"It's not raining now. And I have my umbrella," she said, motioning to the large black umbrella she held.

"Well don't leave it behind again. I'm not running back in the rain to get it for you," he sternly teased. Susan laughed lightly and said, "Oh, yes you would. If I asked you." Robert chuckled.

"You're right. I probably would. I'd do just about anything if you asked," he said, pushing a lock of her hair behind her ear.

"This is the final boarding call," the stewardess announced behind them.

"Alright, I need to go," Robert said softly. Susan took his hand as they walked through the gate. She stopped on the wooden deck which overlooked the tarmac where the large silver plane sat. Robert turned to her and set his suitcase on the ground before drawing her close, his arms wrapping tightly around her waist.

"Stop looking so sad. I'll be back before you know it," he said, giving her a small smile.

"I know. And the sooner you leave, the sooner you'll be back," she replied. Robert laughed softly and leaned down to kiss her. When Susan felt his lips press against hers, a spark shot through her body, up and down her spine. She dropped her umbrella she still held and wound her arms around his neck, pulling him tighter against her and kissing him deeper. Around them sounded a few uncomfortable coughs but the noises were lost on their ears. When Susan finally pulled back, both were breathless, their hearts racing.

"Kiss me like that again and I'll never make a plane in my life," Robert muttered as he tried to control his breathing. Susan snickered and ran her hand up his chest.

"Well, then maybe I should kiss you like that more often," she said coyly. Robert's eyes smoldered, making them look like a stormy sea. He grabbed her wrist and pulled it away from him.

"Careful," he warned low as he smiled.

"Be safe over there," Susan said as she pulled away from his arms.

"I will. I'll miss you," he said.

"I'll miss you," she replied, the lump in her throat returning.

"Okay, I have to go," he said finally after a second of wistful staring. He leaned closer and gave her another quick kiss, this time on her forehead, before picking up his suitcase and turning to leave through the gate. As he handed his ticket to the attendant, he turned back to her and said loudly, "Don't forget that umbrella. I'm not buying you a new one if you do!"

Susan smiled as she bent down and picked up her forgotten umbrella. She walked to the railing of the deck and leaned against it, watching as Robert walked to his plane. When he had reached the stairs, he turned before climbing them and waved. Susan lifted her arm as well and waved back. She continued to stand on the deck as the plane's door closed and it began its takeoff. As the propellers began to turn, the rain started again, this time harder than it had been raining earlier. Susan quickly opened her umbrella as the other people who were on the deck began to run inside to avoid getting soaked from the rain. She watched as the plane drove down the tarmac, accelerating before taking flight. As it lifted to the sky, she gave a small wave to it, watching the plane until it was a tiny dot.

_He'll be home soon. He'll be home soon. He'll be home soon_, she repeated to herself as she turned to walk back to the gate's door.

The first week of Robert's trip crawled by slowly for Susan. She tried to stay busy, hoping that if her mind was focused on something she wouldn't miss him so badly. But as the week progressed she found herself missing him more and more, everything she did somehow not as fulfilling without him. Uncle Harold had offered her a position several months ago in his office, working a couple days a week; she filed paperwork, sent out his correspondences, and ran a few office errands for him. On those days she worked harder than usual; so much, in fact, that Uncle Harold stated that his office had never been tidier or well-run than it was that week.

The rain had continued non-stop, making the outside world dreary and miserable. That Friday, however, it finally let up, the sun breaking through the clouds mid-day. Susan decided to take Edward to the park for a walk since they had both been cooped up inside for days. As she pushed him through the park in his pram, she smiled at the dozens of others who had similar ideas; the park had more people in it today than Susan had ever seen. She walked to a bench and sat, pulling the pram close to her.

Edward was sitting, propped up with a pillow and a blanket that was tucked around him. He had only recently learned to sit on his own, but still needed some support most days. His lion, a constant companion, was in front of him, nestled in the blanket. Susan pulled a small bag from her purse and opened it, revealing several small biscuits Aunt Alberta had sent with her. She pulled one out of the bag and broke a small piece off and gave it to Edward, holding it to him as he gummed it. Popping the other half in her mouth, she grimaced as she chewed. Looking at her son, she noticed he was making a similar face. She pulled the biscuit away and laughed.

"These things taste like grass," she said cheerfully, wiping Edward's mouth with the corner of the blanket.

"Susan?" a woman called from behind her. Susan turned towards the familiar voice, her eyes widening when she saw who had called her name.

"Charity!" she said surprised.

"Oh, Susan! I thought it was you!" Charity said cheerfully as she sat next to Susan on the bench. "How are you?" Charity pulled Susan in a hug. Susan remained motionless for a second before returning the hug, feeling awkward as she patted her old friend's back.

"I'm doing well. How are you?" Susan asked politely.

"Oh, I'm alright. Is this the baby? Oh, Susan! He's beautiful! I was so sad when I heard you had him; I had wanted to come visit, but Mother insisted I didn't," Charity chattered. Susan inwardly rolled her eyes. _I see nothing has changed,_ she thought sarcastically.

"Yes, your mother," Susan said. "How is she?"

"Mother's fine. She feels simply dreadful about what happened last summer," Charity said quickly.

"Well, you'll tell her I hold no ill will towards her, right?" Susan said kindly. As much reason as Susan had to dislike Mrs. Clayworth and Charity, she found that she really couldn't hold a grudge against them.

"Of course," Charity said softly, smiling timidly at Susan. "I, also, am very sorry. You were my best friend and you needed me and I turned my back on you. I'm so ashamed of that," she said.

"It's okay, Charity. All's forgiven," Susan smiled back.

"Thank you," Charity said, her smile widening. "Now, tell me all about your beautiful son!"

Susan spent the next week catching up with her old friend and was happy to find that, contrary to her initial belief, Charity had changed. After Susan's pregnancy was announced to their society and she was shunned by her former friends, Aunt Bernice had come to England and berated Charity for treating her best friend so dreadfully. Charity, true to her word, was ashamed of how she had behaved and decided that she wanted to change. She broken up with her fiancé Marcus, moved out of her parents' house and in with Aunt Bernice (who had, incidentally, moved back to London for a year) and attempted going to school at a local teachers' college. Susan also visited Aunt Bernice, who was thrilled to see her and her son and fawned over both of them. She was happy to reunite with her old friends and even happier that their reunion helped to make the week fly by.

Robert's flight was set to arrive at the end of the week on a Friday afternoon. The morning of his arrival, Susan anxiously moved through the house, unable to sit for longer than a few minutes at a time. Wanting to make sure she was perfect, she primped and styled for hours, changing her outfit several times before deciding on one. During the car ride with Mr. and Mrs. St. James, Susan found it hard to sit still, silently willing Mr. St. James to drive faster. While they waited at the airport for Robert's plane to arrive, Susan bounced on her feet, hoping her anxious movements would make the plane land and its passengers depart quicker. Her quick movements began to jostle Edward, whom she carried in her arms, so much that he began to fuss. Realizing her mistake, she forced herself to calm as she shushed him.

A stewardess stepped up to the desk in the terminal and announced that the plane had landed and the passengers would be departing soon. Susan and the St. Jameses hurried to the front so they could see when Robert walked in from the gate. Passengers began filing through the doors, some running to and hugging their loved ones. Susan's heart leapt when she saw Robert walk through the doors and quickly passed Edward to Mrs. St. James before running to him, ignoring a few grunts of displeasure from around her. When she reached him she threw herself into his arms, taking his head between her hands and kissing him deeply. Robert dropped his suitcase and buried his hands in her hair, kissing her back passionately.

When their kiss broke, Susan wrapped her arms around his neck as he moved his hands to her waist, pulling her tightly to him. "I love you," Susan whispered in his ear. Robert pulled back and looked down at her, his eyes mirroring her shining ones.

"Thank A- I love you, too," he said, leaning down to kiss her again, this time more gently but no less passionately. When they broke, Susan leaned her head against his chest, oblivious to the world around her.

"Kiss me like that again and I'll never let you near an airport," she said softly. Robert chuckled as he leaned down to pick up his dropped suitcase. Keeping his arm wrapped around her waist, he led her back to where his parents were standing with wide smiles on both their faces.

"You don't have to worry about that. I'm never letting you out of my sight again," he whispered.

* * *

Susan carried a sleeping Edward up the stairs to her room, her heart continuing to race as she thought of the kiss she and Robert had shared at the airport and the second one they had shared when he had dropped her off moments ago. She tried to slow her heart rate, worrying it would leap out of her chest if it went any faster, but their kiss continued to play over and over in her head, causing her heart to speed every time she thought of it. When she entered her room, she saw a large white box wrapped in a silver ribbon sitting on her bed. After placing Edward in his crib and covering him with a light blanket, she walked to her bed and inspected the box.

Placed on top of it was a small silver envelope, the same color as the ribbon. She picked it up and opened it, the contents revealing a small white card. In a familiar scratched handwriting she read:

_My dear Susan, _

_Dinner reservations and a surprise tonight. Be ready by 8:00. Here is a little something so you'll know how to dress, since you've had so much difficulty in the past. _

_I love you, _

_Robert. _

Susan smiled widely as she put the card back in its envelope and turning her attention to the box. She slid the ribbon off and tossed it aside before pulling the lid off the box. Under a layer of white tissue was a silver-blue fabric that made Susan ache to touch it. She lifted the fabric, which turned out to be a silk dress, the light causing it to shimmer. At the neck was gossamer fabric lined with tiny glittering crystals. Pulling the entire dress out of the box, she gasped as she inspected it further. It was full-length and slim, cut in the latest fashion, and as she held it to her, the dress flowed into a pool of silk. Walking to the full-length mirror that sat across the room, she stood in front of it, giddiness overtaking her as she continued to inspect the beautiful dress.

At promptly eight o'clock Robert knocked on the door. Uncle Harold opened it and welcomed Robert, shaking his hand as he ushered him inside. Aunt Alberta walked into the entryway as well carrying Edward.

"May I?" Robert asked, holding his arms out towards the baby.

"Of course! Just don't let him mess up your nice clothes," Aunt Alberta warned as she passed the baby to Robert.

"He'll be fine, won't you little man?" Robert asked the baby, letting him grasp his finger. "Now, where is that mother of yours? Is she still getting dressed? Have you let her become one of those silly women who don't understand the meaning of time?" Robert continued to tease, Uncle Harold and Aunt Alberta chuckling along with him, when Aunt Alberta suddenly gasped. Robert turned to where she was staring, his breath catching in his throat as Susan walked down the stairs.

The dress he had given her fit her frame perfectly, the folds of it falling in just the right places. Her dark hair had been swept up on top of her head, making her even taller. She wore no jewelry, the tiny crystals on the top of her dress adding sparkle to her, except a pair of tiny crystal earrings.

"I'll have you know that I'm most assuredly not one of those silly women who don't understand the meaning of time. It's not my fault you're early," Susan said. Robert smiled warmly at her and held out his hand as she came to the bottom of the stairs. Susan placed her hand in his and allowed him to help her down.

"You're right. I should have been more wary of the time," he agreed quietly.

"Hello, little prince," Susan cooed to her son, running her hand over his head lightly.

"Are you ready to go?" Robert asked, smiling at the sight of Susan and her son.

"I am," she replied. Susan placed a small kiss on her son's head before Robert handed him back to Aunt Alberta. "Don't wait up," Susan said to them as they walked to the door. Uncle Harold guffawed, causing Robert to blush over Susan's words.

"I won't have her out too late, she meant to say," Robert corrected, earning him a confused look from Susan. Aunt Alberta laughed merrily as she ushered them out the door.

"Go, have a good time," she called as the two walked down the walkway to the curb where Robert's car was parked.

They had been driving for a while when Susan looked out the window and realized the area they were in looked familiar.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"To dinner," Robert said simply.

"I know that. But where?" she asked again.

"To this place I know," he answered, his voice giving away no hints.

"You aren't going to tell me?"

"I would rather show you. It's kind of a surprise," he said, the corner of his mouth lifting into a grin. They turned a corner and he said, "Okay, close your eyes."

"What? I'm not going to close my eyes. That's ridiculous," she argued.

"Susan, just do it," he sighed. Sighing as well and not wanting to ruin his fun, Susan did as he said. Robert slowed the car and parked.

"Okay, don't open them until I say so. I'm going to come open your door for you and help you out. No peeking!" he ordered firmly.

"Fine, fine. I'm not going to peek," she muttered. She heard his door open and close; a few seconds later her door opened and he grabbed her hand.

"Okay, step out. There's the curb. Careful, there's a bump," he directed her as they walked on the cobblestone path. "Alright, stop," he said suddenly, holding her shoulders.

"Why are we stopping?" she asked.

"Open your eyes," he said softly. Susan did as he said, gasping loudly when she saw where they were. They were standing in front of a house, a large white bow hanging on the door. It was the same door that Susan had walked through every day since she was four, the door that her mother had first carried Lucy through with Susan and her brothers bounding at her heels wanting to take a peek at their new baby sister, the door that she had last seen her brothers and sister walk through the night before the accident, and the door she thought had been closed to her forever almost a year ago.

"My house. What is this?" she whispered, her voice unable to talk any louder.

"Just that," Robert replied. "Your house."

"What?" Susan gasped, spinning around to look at him. He held up a small brass key, smiling widely at her.

"Come on," he said, grabbing her hand and pulling her up the walk. When they reached the door, he handed her the key. "Would you like to do the honors?" he asked. With a shaky hand, Susan unlocked the door and pushed it open. She stepped inside her home, her whole body trembling with happiness. Her eyes roamed the room, noting very little had changed, before they settled on Robert who was leaning against the door.

"How did you-" she began, her eyes filling with tears. Robert smiled and reached into his pocket, producing a handkerchief. He closed the distance between them and dabbed her eyes with the fabric.

"Oh, stop your mothering," she laughed tearfully, swatting his hand away. "How did you do this? I thought someone had bought it," she said as she wiped the rest of her tears away.

"Someone did. I did," he explained as he wrapped his arms around her.

"But how? Why?" she stuttered.

"I saw how much this house meant to you. I saw how much it pained you when you realized you couldn't afford to keep it and I knew what you felt about selling it, how you thought it would destroy the little bit of your family you had left. I knew you didn't love me then, but I had to do this for you, regardless of everything," he explained.

"But how could you afford it?" she asked. Robert laughed loudly before leaning down to her ear.

"I'll let you in on a little secret, love: I'm a very wealthy man," he whispered in her ear, his voice rich and rough. He kissed her behind her ear, making her knees go weak. She closed her eyes and allowed him to kiss down her neck to her collarbone before working his way up. He kissed her along her jaw line, slowly making his way to her lips. Just as his lips were brushing hers, she whispered, "I thought we were going to dinner."

Robert groaned and leaned his forehead against hers, his arms dropping from her waist. "You really know how to tease a man," he muttered before standing up straight. "We are going to dinner." He took her hand and pulled her gently towards the living room.

Susan breathed in awe of what she saw in the room. A roaring fire was going in the fireplace, making the room toasty warm, and set in front of it was a picnic of gleaming china and crystal.

"When did you have time to do all this?" Susan asked wondrously as they walked into the room.

"I have my ways," Robert said mysteriously. Susan rolled her eyes as she sat on the blanket spread on the ground. Robert knelt down next to her and unfolded a large white napkin, laying it in her lap. "Just in case, for the dress," he said. "And by the way, if I haven't already told you tonight, you look stunning," he added, kissing her on the forehead.

She smiled back at him and replied, "Thank you, and no, you haven't told me that tonight. You look wonderful, too." Robert smiled and turned to open a bottle of champagne that was chilled in a bucket, the pop of the cork making them both jump and then giggle. When he had poured them both a glass, he clinked his to hers and said, "Here's to us and wherever we go."

"To wherever we go," she replied, taking a sip of the fizzy drink.

An hour later the two sat leaning against an ottoman, Susan curled against Robert's side, his arm draped around her. The food and champagne, along with the warmth of the fire, had made them drowsy and comfortable. Susan smoothed her dress, the feeling of silk wonderful under her hand.

"This dress is unbelievable. I don't think I've loved a piece of clothing more," she said. Robert chuckled and said, "I'm glad to hear that because I have a trunk load of pieces of clothing just as nice as this. All in your size." Susan sat up eagerly, her eyes sparkling in excitement.

"Really? Are they for me?" she asked.

"I thought you could use some new things," he said as he ran his hand up and down her arm. "We signed a new designer while I was in America. He's new, but growing very popular. He gave me several pieces to bring back over here after I told him my girlfriend was interested in fashion and clothing," he explained.

"How exciting! I love new clothes!" Susan exclaimed, moving back into her spot against him.

"I have something else for you," Robert said, his voice sounding nervous.

"Robert, you're going to spoil me with all your gifts," Susan giggled. She sat up, her smile fading when she saw that Robert's face had paled in the firelight. "What is it?" she asked.

"Do you remember a while ago when you were at the cemetery? And I left you because I had dropped something?" he asked. Susan nodded. "Well, I lied. I didn't drop anything. I felt foolish at the time, but I had wanted to talk to your siblings," he admitted.

"But why?" Susan asked curiously.

"I know how much they meant to you, how much they still mean to you. I know that if they were still alive, they would have been the first people I went to for their blessing to marry you," Robert said.

"Marry-" Susan started, but stopped when Robert moved away from her. Her eyes widened as he brought a knee up so that he was kneeling in front of her. Reaching in the pocket of his tuxedo jacket, he pulled out a small box. Susan's heart began to race as she stared at the box, unable to tear her eyes away from it.

"Susan," Robert said softly. Susan tore her eyes away from the box and stared at him, her breath catching when she saw the look he was giving her. "I told your brothers and sister that day that as soon as you realized you loved me, I was going to ask you to marry me. If this is too soon, I understand. But I don't want to wait; I can't wait. We can have a long engagement if you want, however long you want. I just know that if I don't ask you soon I'll go crazy. When you told me earlier that you loved me, I knew that I had to ask you. I wanted tonight-" he stopped suddenly when Susan placed her hand over his mouth.

"Will you just ask me already?" she said irritably, smiling widely at him. Robert chuckled and pulled her hand away from his mouth.

"Susan Pevensie, will you marry me?" he asked quietly, opening the box.

Susan drew a shaky breath as she stared at the ring. It was a large stone, the largest she had ever seen, nearly clear except for a tinge of blue to it. It was set in gold, the filigree setting lifting the stone high off the band. The ring, beautiful as it was, was one she had seen before, many, many years ago. "That's my…" Susan trailed off, her eyes shooting to Robert's confused face. Taking a deep breath, she forced a smile.

"That's my favorite stone," she said quietly. Robert's face visibly relaxed as Susan touched the ring, her memories of the first time she wore the ring flooding back to her.

"Susan," Robert whispered. "You still haven't given me an answer."

"Oh! Yes! Of course it's yes!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around his neck. When she moved back, Robert took the ring out of the box and excitedly slipped it onto her finger. She held the ring up, smiling as it caught in the firelight. _This must be a strange coincidence,_ she thought, knowing there was no way this ring was the one she had remembered. Inspecting it closely she saw the tiniest dent in the band. Her eyes widened, knowing how that dent had gotten there. It was a year after they had first been crowned in Narnia and Susan had squashed her hand in a trunk, denting the ring. Too embarrassed to admit to anyone what had happened, she had just ignored the imperfection of her ring.

"Where did you get this ring? It's so beautiful," she asked, hoping her voice didn't betray her thoughts. Robert shrugged and smiled.

"Family heirloom," he said. Susan's brow furrowed, confused by his explanation, but her thoughts were soon forgotten as Robert began kissing her again behind her ear. Soon she didn't remember anything about the ring or its telltale dent as he moved to the hollow of her neck. Soon she didn't remember her worries about how he had gotten the ring when it should have been safely hidden away in Narnia as he ran his hand up her side. And as he moved to her mouth, working magic as he kissed her, soon she didn't even remember her own name.

_"No, Lucy! For the last time we are _not_ going to have performing Peacocks at your wedding!" Susan cried in frustration. _

_"But it's _my_ wedding!" Lucy cried back. _

_"Lucy, you are a queen of Narnia. Can't you for once remember that when planning your parties? Tradition dictates certain things and we're going to follow those certain things. You can't have performing Animals, you can't have dancing satyrs lead you up the aisle and you can't get married in the middle of a field!" Susan said firmly. _

_"Fine! But I'm wearing flowers in my hair and you can't stop me!" Lucy yelled at her sister, storming out the door and slamming it behind her. The queen of Terebinthia laughed softly. _

_"My poor son is going to have a hard time handling your handful of a sister," she said. Susan smiled tightly; planning Lucy's wedding with her sister was hard enough. Planning it with Lucy's future mother-in-law was proving to be even harder._

_ "She's not so bad. She's just a woman who knows what she wants. Your son will never want for excitement with her," Susan said diplomatically. Planning Lucy's wedding had started Susan remembering her own plans for her own wedding. She had wanted a lavish affair, fitting for a queen of Narnia, with a beautiful gown and hundreds of guests watching her as she walked down the aisle of Cair Paravel's sparkling Great Hall. She was finding it difficult to plan a wedding for someone who was content to wear a simple dress and have a few close friends attend a small wedding beneath the trees._

Susan sighed happily as she leaned against Robert's shoulder, her lips rosy from his kisses. She stared at her ring, which cheerily sparkled at her. Sighing again, she lowered her hand and snuggled against him.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I was just thinking about our wedding," she answered.

"Let me guess: you want to start planning it? I'm thinking you've already got a wedding planned that will have all of London talking for months," he teased. Susan sat up and shook her head, a mischievous smile growing on her face.

"Actually..." she said slowly, looking down at her ring again.

"Susan?" Robert asked cautiously. Susan looked back up, staring him in the eyes.

"I was thinking we could go to Gretna Green," she said. Robert raised his eyebrows at her in surprise.

"Now?" he asked confused.

"Well, we're already dressed," she said casually. Robert stared at her in amazement for several moments before grabbing her head between his hands and kissing her lips. When he pulled away he whispered, "I'll put out the fire. You go grab our coats."

* * *

**AN Part 2: Okay... So I'm hoping no one goes and researches Scottish Marriage Law... Gretna Green is a city in Scotland and is basically like the British version of Las Vegas (for those of you in the US or for those who may not know this). I had planned on this whole scene and was all excited about it because yay! They're eloping and it's sweet and yada yada yada... Only to find out AFTER I had written it that you can't really elope there like you can in Las Vegas (you know, on the spur of the moment, completely drunk out of your mind and saying your vows to an Elvis impersonator); well, maybe now you can, but in the 1950s you had to live in Scotland for like 21 or 15 days (this was a little hazy in my research). So, for literary purposes, I'm pretending this law doesn't exist. Don't tell on me! **


	15. When the Truth was Revealed

_The boy blinked rapidly, the brightness of the light shocking his eyes. One second ago he had been in total darkness and now he stood in the middle of a field drenched in the bright morning sun. He looked down and saw that he was no longer wearing his Narnian clothing but instead was dressed the same as the was the day he had first entered the magical world. He saw a long pole on the ground and stared curiously at it. It took him several moments before he realized what it was; it was the fishing pole he had been carrying, dropped on the ground when he had walked through the shimmering air that had taken him to Narnia. Looking down at his left hand he saw the trinket he had grabbed in his hurry. A large gemstone glittered back at him, the sunlight glancing off the diamonds that surrounded it. It was a brooch, nearly as large as his palm. Hearing his name called, he looked up quickly and saw a boy, much younger than himself, running towards him. He shoved the broach in his pocket and leaned down to pick up his fishing pole. _

_"George! Aren't you coming?" the younger boy asked, stopping several feet from where his older brother stood. _

_"Sorry, kiddo. I'm coming," George said to his brother, jogging to where he stood. "Race you to the pond!" he called as he passed the younger boy. _

_"Hey, no fair!" the boy cried to George, dashing after him._

Five years had passed since that night Robert proposed to Susan. They had driven to Gretna Green that night, stopping only to refuel the car, and were married early the next morning in a simple ceremony, the only guests being the justice's secretary and his sister, who had been visiting him that day. While not the ceremony she had always imagined, Susan felt that her wedding, simple as it was, was better than any glittering affair fit for a queen.

The couple had moved into the Pevensies' old house, along with Edward, and created a home of their own. Robert's business continued to grow, expanding to several different cities throughout England as well as an office in France. Susan embraced her roles as a wife and a mother, creating a happy home for her family just as her own mother had done for hers. She also regularly consulted with Robert on the latest fashion trends, offering him advice on pieces of clothing and designers that he might be interested in shipping for. Edward grew from an adorable toddler into a precocious little boy. Every day he seemed more and more like his Uncle Edmund, never giving his mother and new father a dull moment. And although their marriage was hasty, Susan and Robert's relationship only strengthened, each day better than the next. Their lives seemed to be wonderful, perfect no matter the imperfections. Except for one imperfection in particular that continued to haunt Susan: her dreams.

She had thought the dreams that had filled her nights with terror for herself and her son had disappeared. During the first year of her marriage to Robert her nights were only consumed with the happiness that she shared with her husband. But soon after their first anniversary, she was haunted again by her memories, those of the storm that took them from Narnia, of her last interaction with Prince Rabadash that day in the garden. The White Witch still haunted her, whispering lies of her son. Each night she woke from her dreams, each seeming more real than before, she would lie in bed, her heart racing, as she tried to come to terms with what she had seen. There never seemed to be an answer to why they reoccurred; she felt more and more confused as to why she had to relive the scariest moments of her long past.

_Susan covered her ears as she ran through the hall, trying to block out the sounds of screaming she heard as the battle raged on outside Cair Paravel. She had woken to find that she was alone, her siblings gone, and had hurried to find them. Turning the corner she saw her sister helping a faun who had fallen down, blood pooling around the hem of Lucy's dress. _

_"Lucy!" Susan cried, hurrying to her sister. _

_"I can't wake him!" Lucy wailed, tears running down her face as she continued to shake the faun. _

_"Lucy, he's dead. We have to go!" Susan said forcefully, grabbing her sister's arm and pulling her up. The two women ran, calling out for their brothers. When they reached the castle's gate, the scene they saw stopped them in their tracks. The ground was littered with bodies, both Narnian and Telmarine. From across the castle's grounds Susan spotted her brothers, back-to-back futilely fighting the soldiers who continued to attack. "Peter! Edmund!" Lucy screamed, leaving her sister as she dashed towards her brothers. Susan stood, frozen in place as she surveyed the warzone their peaceful castle had become. _

_"Why are we here?" she asked aloud. "We were never here when Cair Paravel was attacked. The Telemarines never came during our time. During any of our times here!" Padded steps sounded next to her, the cool air surrounding her quickly warming. Looking to her right she saw a great golden Lion standing next to her, his eyes filled with sadness as he watched the battle. _

_"Aslan, why is this happening?" Susan asked frantically. _

_"This is the way it's meant to happen," the Lion replied sadly. _

_"Then why are we here? We were never here before. Were we meant to be?" she asked, watching in fear as her brothers worked to shield Lucy from an attacker. _

_"No, you were never meant to be. You are only here to see something," Aslan replied, looking at Susan. _

_"Will they be okay?" she asked. _

_"Your brothers and sister will be perfectly safe. They won't suffer a single scratch as they, too, are not really here," Aslan replied. _

_"Not really here? What do you mean?" Susan asked. _

_"You are only here in your dream, as are your brothers and sister. Though it may seem real, it is not," Aslan explained. "Now, hold onto my mane and I will show you what you need to see." _

_Susan did as the Lion said, allowing herself to be safely led through the battle. Ahead of them was a clearing in the woods that bordered the castle's grounds. Two men were fighting, their swords clanging against each other loudly. Susan could only see one of the men's faces as one of them, the lighter haired of the two facing away from her. Her eyes widened as she recognized features of the man who was facing her, his dark hair and eyes similar to Caspian's. _That must be Caspian I!_ her mind cried. _So then the other man… must be the Narnian leader Edmund told me about all those years ago.

_The man's sword came down hard on Caspian's shoulder, knocking him aside as he struggled to dodge the next blow. The swing of his heavy sword caused him to spin around, facing where Susan and Aslan stood watching. Her eyes widened even further when she saw his face; his dark hair was plastered to his forehead from sweat, streaks of dirt and mud covered his cheeks and clothing he wore under his armor. From far away, Susan heard her name being called. She found her breathing becoming shallower as she gasped from recognizing the man. The world around her began to fade, her name being called louder and louder._

Susan's eyes popped open as she sat up straight in bed with a loud gasp. Robert was sitting next to her in bed, his arms on her shoulders. It had been he who had called her name; he now sat stunned, his eyes wide in shock at her sudden waking. Susan's heart raced, her palms felt clammy as she turned to look cautiously at Robert.

"Susan, I'm really getting worried about you," Robert stated one afternoon. He and Susan were at the park with Edward, taking a walk while the boy played on the small playground.

"Why?" she asked, confused by his concerns.

"This is the fifth night in a row that you've woken up in the middle of the night from a dream you claim you can't remember. I've lost count of how many nights you've woken me up with your talking and moaning and whimpering. Do you honestly not remember what your dreams are about? Is there something worrying you that you haven't told me?" he asked, his voice growing more insistent.

"No, there's nothing I'm worried about," Susan replied, dodging the real questions her husband was asking.

"Then what aren't you telling me?" Robert asked forcefully, stopping and grabbing her shoulders. Susan glared at him before shaking herself out of his grip.

"There's nothing," she stated again firmly, continuing to walk. Robert stared at her for a few seconds before following, catching up with her easily.

"You'll tell me when there is?" he asked quietly.

"I will," she replied, taking his hand in hers.

Edward put the final touches on his castle he had built; a flag he had made from a leaf and a stick now flew from the top most tower and a draw bridge made from a larger leaf was let down. To anyone else, his castle looked like a pile of rocks with a couple of leaves stuck out of them. But to the six year old, it was the best castle in the world, a stronghold that many tried to break through. His knights, tin toys that were his favorite, gallantly defended the castle from whatever foe threatened their home. Today it was a dragon, a long green monster that flew through the air roaring fire on all it saw below. Edward made the paper cut-out dragon that Robert had created for him fly and land in front of his knights. As they galloped out to battle the dragon, a shadow came over Edward's world, blocking the sunlight from him. Edward squinted up and saw a tall man standing in front of him.

"Hello, young man," the man said, squatting down next to him. Edward took in the stranger, his dark eyes and hair different than he had ever seen. His accent had sounded funny, too; not like the ones he was used to hearing at home.

"Hello," Edward said, wanting to be polite.

"What's your name?" the man asked.

"Edward St. James," he replied.

"St. James? Not Pevensie?" the man asked curiously, his voice sounding mildly surprised.

"Well, actually… That's my Aunt Lucy's name. My mummy's sister," the boy replied, explaining the way children do.

"What's your mother's name?" the man asked.

"Susan St. James," Edward replied, becoming wary of the man.

"Ah, that only figures," the man muttered.

"What's your name?" Edward asked.

"It's Philip," the man said softly, giving the boy a small smile. The two stared at each other for several moments. "You have your mother's eyes," Philip said.

"No, they're like my Uncle Peter's. My mummy tells me all the time," Edward said defensively.

"Your mother's temper too, I wager," Philip muttered.

"Edward!" a woman cried. Philip stood quickly, staring at Susan who hurried towards her son. "What are you doing here?" she spat angrily at Philip, grabbing Edward's hand and pulling him up.

"Ouch, Mummy!" the boy cried.

"I'm sorry darling," she said gentler, her eyes remaining on Philip. Robert came up behind them and demanded, "What are you doing here?"

"Your _wife_ just asked me the same question," Philip said, sneering. "

Then I suggest you answer her," Robert said low.

"Darling, why don't you go over to our things and get a biscuit. Aunt Alberta made some for us to eat," Susan suggested as she bent down next to her son, picking up his toys as she talked to him. Edward took them from her and put them in his pockets, making a face over the mention of the biscuits.

"They taste like they're made from grass," he complained.

Susan snorted and said, "Knowing your aunt, they probably are. Be a good boy for mummy and do as I say." Edward nodded and ran off towards a blanket that was spread in the grass, their belongings sitting on it. Susan stood and narrowed her eyes at Philip.

"Why are you here? What were you doing talking to my son?" she demanded.

"Your son? Don't you mean _our_ son?" Philip asked.

"That's irrelevant. You gave him up before he was born," Susan snapped.

"Well maybe I've changed my mind. Maybe I want him now," Philip said angrily. Susan's eyes widened.

"You can't have him! He's mine!" she yelled, her fists clenching.

"Susan," Robert said quietly, placing his hand on her shoulder.

"He can't have him!" Susan insisted, turning pleading eyes to Robert.

"Don't worry, love. I'm not going to let anything happen," Robert said soothingly. Looking back at Philip, his eyes deadly, Robert said, "You need to leave and stay away from my son."

"_Your_ son? All you did was marry his loose mother You think that makes him yours?" Philip sneered. Susan gasped loudly, her eyes widening in anger.

"How dare you!" she cried, shaking out of Robert's grasp as she stepped towards Philip.

"I'll dare whatever I like. It seems to me that I paid quite a lot for that kid, if I remember correctly," Philip snorted cruelly. Robert's fist soared through the air, coming into contact with Philip's face. The force of it caused Philip to fall backwards onto the ground. He grunted as he grabbed his nose, blood beginning to drip from it.

"You son of a-" he started but was cut off my Susan.

"If you ever come near my son again, I'll personally see to it that you _never_ have children again in your life!" she said, her voice filled with venom. With a final angry glance at Philip, still sprawled on the ground, she spun and stormed back to where her son was sitting. Robert watched as she walked away before turning to Philip who was beginning to stand up. He leaned down and helped the man up; once he was standing, Robert grabbed his neck tightly. Saying as softly as he could, his voice deadly and low, he said, "I'll go a step further than Susan: if you ever come near my wife or my son again, I'll kill you."

Later that evening when the St. Jameses had sat down for dinner, Edward piped up with a question.

"Who was that man today?" he asked as he pushed his peas to the side with his fork.

"Ed, don't play with your peas," Susan said firmly, her eyes darting to Robert's. He raised his eyebrows at her, silently conveying his confusion about how to answer. "Well, darling, you see..." Susan began nervously. Edward looked up at his mother and frowned.

"He talked differently than us. Is he not from London?" he asked.

"No, he's not," Susan answered.

"But who was he?" Edward asked again. He filled his fork with peas and put them in his mouth, making a face as he chewed.

"He's no one important. Just someone your mother and I used to know a long time ago," Robert interjected, hoping to save Susan from her nervousness.

"Yes, that's all he was. Are you finished with your supper?" Susan asked, leaning over to wipe Edward's mouth with her napkin.

"Mummy! I can do it myself!" Edward complained, trying to push his mother's hands away. Robert suppressed a grin as he struggled to keep a straight face.

"Son, don't talk to your mother that way. If you're finished, go along upstairs and get ready for bed," he said firmly.

"Alright," Edward said grudgingly as he pushed his chair back and hopped off it. When he'd reached the dining room door he turned back and asked, "You're coming up too, Mummy? To tell me a story?" Susan smiled widely and nodded.

"I'll be up soon, darling. Go along now while I clean up," she replied. When she heard him climbing the stairs her smile faded. Sighing, she asked, "What am I going to tell him about Philip?"

"Did you never think about this moment, Susan? I know I've raised him as my son, but he was bound to ask about his real father one day ," Robert said standing and walking around the table to pull Susan into his arms.

"I don't know. I guess I had hoped he'd never find out and he would always think of you as his father," Susan sighed, leaning her head agaainst Robert's chest.

"Susan, look at me," Robert said softly. Susan raised her head and caught the seriousness in his eyes. "I'll always be Edward's father, no matter what. I love that little boy more than anything." Grinning slightly, he added, "Except you that is."

"I guess I should tell him the truth," Susan finally said after several moments of silence.

"Do you want me to come with you? Help if I can?" Robert asked. Susan shook her head.

"No, I think this is something he and I need to discuss. It's my fault all of this happened; I need to be the one to set it straight," she said determinedly.

"I'll be down here if you need me," Robert said, kissing her gently on the forehead.

* * *

"So he's my dad?" Edward asked confusedly. Susan sat beside him on his bed, smoothing the nonexistent wrinkles from his covers.

"Yes, he is," she replied.

"But I thought Dad was my… dad," Edward said. "How can they both be?"

"Darling, I know it's hard to understand right now, but one day you will. Your father, Robert, loves you more than anything in this world and he always will. Philip never did. He wasn't brave enough to be your father and, therefore, never deserved to be," Susan explained, running her fingers through Edward's messy brown hair.

"So should I still call Dad "Dad"?" Edward asked. Susan smiled gently.

"I think he would like that very, very much," she replied. "Now, shall I tell you a story?" Edward nodded eagerly and scooted down under his covers. Susan picked up the stuffed lion that sat on his bedside table and placed it next to him, which Edward quickly shoved under his arm. "How about one you've never heard before?" Susan asked mysteriously.

"Yes!" Edward exclaimed excitedly. Susan laughed lightly before beginning, "Once, there were four children, two boys and two girls. They were brothers and sisters and loved each other very much. One summer they went to stay with a friend of their family's in a large, beautiful house in the country, with lots of rooms to explore and discover. There also was a mean old housekeeper who didn't like children and one day they found themselves hiding from her. Now, the youngest of them, a little girl not much older than you, had found a secret world hidden inside a wardrobe and urged them to hide there while they were hiding from the mean housekeeper. The others didn't believe her, except for the next youngest, a boy, who had actually been to the secret world with his younger sister one time before.

The children hid in the wardrobe and soon found that the little girl had been right: there was a secret world hidden inside the wardrobe. The world was called Narnia and they began to explore. Now, the little girl had made a friend while she had first visited, a faun, which is a creature that has the body of a man but the legs of a goat, named Mr. Tumnus. When they went to his house, they discovered he had been captured! So they set off to find him and rescue him, along the way making friends with two Beavers, who could actually talk.

During their quest to find Mr. Tumnus, the younger brother snuck away to find the evil queen, or the White Witch as she was more commonly known, because she had promised to make him a prince. But she had really wanted to kill him and his two sisters and brother. When the children discovered what their brother had done, they went to find someone named Aslan, who would help them. Aslan turned out to be a great Lion and told them that they would one day be kings and queens of Narnia. Aslan helped the children get their brother back, who was very sorry for what he had done after he realized the evil queen was not good, but Aslan had to give himself to the White Witch in return for the boy. The White Witch took Aslan and killed him on top of a stone table, but the next morning, he came back to life!

While all this was happening, though, a great battle was happening, between Aslan's followers and the four children and the White Witch's army. When Aslan had come back to life, he came and defeated the White Witch and her army. After the battle, the four children were made kings and queens of Narnia and ruled peacefully for many years until one day they were in the woods hunting a magical white stag. All of a sudden they disappeared, never to be seen again. But what had actually happened to them, although the people of Narnia never knew, was they had gone through the woods and reentered the wardrobe that had first brought them into Narnia and were finally home again."

Edward's eyes grew wide as the story went on, here and there interjecting with questions which Susan patiently answered. When the story was finished he breathed in awe of the tale of the four children and their adventures. Susan smiled widely at her son, happy that she finally shared the tale of her first adventures in Narnia with him, even if she hadn't told him who the story was exactly about. Smoothing his hair again, she leaned down and kissed his forehead.

"Now, darling, it's time for you to go to sleep," she said, tucking him in tightly.

"Mummy, what were the four children's names?" Edward asked, pulling his arms out of the covers. Susan hesitated before asking, "What would you like their names to be?"

"Well…" Edward thought for a moment. "I think their names should be Peter, Edmund, Lucy and Susan. There were four of them and there were four of you!" he said proudly.

Susan smiled again and said, "I think those are very good names for the kings and queens of Narnia." She stood to leave but stopped again when Edward asked another question.

"Do you think I'll ever get to go to Narnia? Do you think Aslan would make me a king?" he asked wistfully. Susan placed her hand over her son's and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"I don't doubt it for a second, darling. You're already a prince, did you know that?" she asked.

Turning to walk out of the room, she was startled by Robert, who was leaning against the doorframe, an odd look on his face.

"What is it?" she asked as she walked past him. He was silent as he looked into the room at Edward.

"Goodnight son," he called, closing the door behind him. When he and Susan were alone in the hallway, he turned to look at her again, the odd look on his face even stronger.

"What?" Susan asked again, her nervousness growing.

"Where did you hear that story?" Robert asked in a steady voice.

"I, well… it was…" Susan stammered, unsure of how to answer his question. She felt her face begin to flush, the slow heat building as she realized she had no explanation for him.

"Oh my God," Robert whispered, his eyes growing wider.

"What?" Susan whispered as her heart began to speed up, thudding forcefully against her chest.

Robert grabbed her arm gently and said, "You're that Susan. You're Queen Susan of Narnia."

**AN: First of all, we went to the midnight premiere of Eclipse and the very first trailer was for Voyage of the Dawn Treader! Followed by the trailer for Harry Potter! Needless to say, it was a very good night. I thought I would share that with you all. Secondly, thought I would address a few concerns I had with the last chapter and some concerns I have in general:**  
**1) It was mentioned that the chapter was a bit rushed... yeah, it might have been... I think that's because several of the scenes "jumped" from one to the next with very little transition. I may go back and look at changing that, haven't decided yet.**  
**2) There were a couple of comments regarding Susan's feistier side and that she and Robert might be getting a little too physical. Yeah, Susan is kind of feisty... I think I explained this side of her a few chapters ago. As for the physical stuff, really all they did was kiss. Nothing physical... Yes, Susan did put herself in that position once before, but look at where it left her! Susan's kind of a prude (again, explained a few chapters ago) and I think with Robert he's a lot more respectable than that to try to get very far with her before they're married (it IS the 50s... and they are British). Also, Susan and Robert are in their mid- and late-twenties... gotta keep that in mind as well. Finally, no physical stuff happened because, quite honestly, I feel silly just writing kissing scenes and get all flustery over them. There's no WAY I could write a sex scene!**  
**3) I know I've said all along to not hate Philip... but eh, go ahead and hate the jerk! I really wanted Robert to threaten to kill someone... don't ask me why. Just did! Philip seemed like a good target. **  
**4) Finally (yes, I know, FINALLY!) several of you have mentioned adding scenes that show the others in Aslan's country... As much as I value your input and judgment and really do use some of your suggestions, it just isn't going to happen in this story. I like bringing her siblings and other characters back in the flashbacks, dreams and memories, but this is Susan's story and everyone else is dead. **

**But... they're coming!**


	16. Susan Learns About the Past

Susan's eyes narrowed and her brow furrowed in confusion as she stared at Robert.

"How do you know about Narnia?" she asked, her voice growing cold and regal. Robert raised his eyebrows, surprised by his wife's tone.

"I've been there. I was Lord of Cair Paravel. How could you not tell me who you are?" he asked harshly.

"How was I supposed to tell you? How could I tell anyone? I would have been locked up! And I had no idea you had been there!" she cried softly, hoping her voice would not carry through her son's door. The two stared at each other, rendered speechless by the situation.

"I thought it was just an odd coincidence that you and your siblings shared the same names as the kings and queens of old," Robert said quietly. Susan remained quiet, unable to meet her husband's eyes. "The four of you… you were inspiring. I studied your reign while I was there, in awe of everything you did," he continued.

A slow grin appeared on his face as he moved his hand from Susan's arm to wrap around her waist, pulling her closer. Nudging her chin up with his other hand, he said, "Although, I will say… This explains a lot about you."

"What-" she started but was cut off by Robert's lips crushing down on hers. She slid her hands up his chest to wrap them around his neck, pulling herself closer to him. She felt his hand snake around her waist, locking her in place. Susan pulled back, ending their kiss. With shining eyes she asked coyly, "How about you take the queen to bed?" Chuckling softly Robert scooped her in his arms, holding her close to him. He leaned over and resumed their kiss, his lips never leaving hers as he walked down the hallway to their bedroom.

_A loud plunk in the water caught George's attention, pulling him out of his daze. The weight of the brooch he had brought with him from Narnia, now in his pocket, was resting against his leg, a reminder of where he had been. He had left so suddenly, unable to say goodbye to any of the friends he had made there. George and his brother had been fishing for nearly two hours and he was still in the same daze he had been in since he had first realized he was home. Looking out at the pond, he saw ripples coming from several feet out, a large chunk of wood bobbing up and down causing more ripples to appear. His head shot up to the large tree that hung over the pond and saw a small leg dangling from it, leaves falling from its movements. _

_"Robert! What are you doing?" he yelled, dropping his fishing pole as he scrambled up. _

_"Look at me, George! I'm a hero!" Robert called back, pushing away a branch that covered his face so he could see his brother. _

_"A real hero doesn't climb a tree over water when he can't swim," George said loudly. He hurried over to the tree, panic setting in as he noticed the rotting trunk of the tree. "Robert! Come back down now!" he yelled. _

_"No! I just got up here!" Robert whined. _

_"Robert, now!" George demanded angrily. _

_His eyes widened in fear as he heard a loud-splitting crack followed by the screams of his brother. A loud splash came soon as the branch and boy fell into the pond. Scanning the surface quickly, he kicked off his shoes and hurried to jump in the water. The pond was deep, its murky brown water making it hard to see. George began to paddle, swimming hard towards his brother. When he reached the spot where Robert had fallen, he dove, squinting against the water in hopes to see him. His arms thrashed about, hoping to make contact, when he felt a soft body against his fingers. Moving closer, he grasped his brother around the waist and kicked off to the surface. Keeping his arm tight around Robert's waist, he began swimming towards the bank. _

_When they had reached it, George hauled his brother onto the grass before turning on his back, breathless. Robert coughed and sputtered, sitting up as he did. George pushed off the ground, lightly pounding Robert's back to help him cough up the water and catch his breath. _

_"Are you okay?" he asked. Robert nodded, unable to yet speak. "Are you stupid? Did you not see that the tree was dead? Why didn't you come down when I told you to?" George asked, his voice rising with every question. Robert looked up at his brother, tears in his eyes, as he murmured an apology. Sighing, George put his arm around his younger brother and pulled him into a hug. _

_"Don't cry about it. Things are alright and you're safe now," he said, chuckling lightly and tickling his brother. Robert squealed and squirmed away from his older brother, laughing. "How about I tell you a story about two brothers who one day became kings?" George asked, smiling widely. _

_"Sure!" Robert said. He loved his brother's stories; there were many nights the two would sit up late, George telling Robert fantastical stories that left him hanging on every word. _

_"Once, there were two brothers who one day became kings…" _

A lazy smile played on Susan's lips as her head rested on Robert's chest. He pulled his fingers absent-mindedly through her hair, a matching grin on his face. "How did you get to Narnia?" Susan asked, breaking the haze of happiness that hung in the air. Robert sighed deeply and remained silent. Turning her head towards her husband, Susan peered curiously at him.

"It's not an easy story for me to talk about, Susan," Robert said quietly.

"Whose story is when it comes to Narnia?" Susan asked gently as she propped herself up, leaning on one arm. Robert studied her, his smile returning to his face as he took in the sight of his wife, draped in a sheet with hair in disarray, thinking her the most beautiful he had ever seen. He closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair, propping it behind his head before he spoke.

"I went to Narnia after George died. We got a letter from the army saying he had passed away; it was as impersonal as the person who delivered it. George, fool that he was, had added a letter for me that he had written right before he died. He had been wounded, very badly, and was in the hospital. They said he was only there hours; you think he would have used that last bit of strength he had to fight not dying rather than waste it writing me a note. It said to go to his room and find what was in his top desk drawer. I was about fifteen or so, hardly able to really comprehend it was not the time to do that. All I could think was my big brother had told me to do something so I had better do it. I ran up the stairs to his room. My parents were still standing near the door, my mother screaming in grief. I covered my ears to block it out until I reached George's room and shut the door. When I looked in the drawer, I saw a little brown wrapped package with a note that had my name on it. All it said was "Return this for me." I pulled the paper off it and saw this brooch, the biggest yellow stone I had ever seen on it, surrounded by hundreds of diamonds. I thought he'd stolen it!"

He paused when Susan interrupted, "That was Lucy's! Peter gave it to her for her 21st birthday! Yellow diamonds were her favorite." Robert smiled and nodded.

"I know. I was told that when I got to Cair Paravel," he said softly. "After I saw the brooch, I suddenly got mad, madder than I had ever felt in my life. Family trait I guess; my cousin's temper was renowned in our family. I'm sure mine could have matched hers that day. I grabbed the brooch and ran, pushed past my parents and ran. I don't know how I ran as much as I did; fueled by anger, I guess. I ended up at this field that had a pond where we used to fish when we were young. I'll never know what made me do it, but I jumped in. I swam as hard as I could to the other side. When I climbed out, there I was, wet and probably looking like a drowned rat, when this man started walking to me. Only he wasn't really a man; he turned out to be a faun, as I found out later. He took pity on me, I guess, and took me to Cair Paravel. He called me a Son of Adam and said my kind was scarce in Narnia, so the king would want to see me. When we got to the castle I was taken to the prince instead of the king. I had forgotten the brooch in my hand – I still don't know why I never put it in my pocket – and the prince saw it. He was furious that someone stole it from the treasure chamber and that his father had searched for years for it. I was dragged to the old king's room and he asked me about it. I told him how my brother George had it in his desk drawer with a note for me to return it. The king knew my brother, pardoned me, and told me that had George not disappeared fifty years earlier, he would have been made a lord of Cair Paravel and that I was to be made one in his place."

"How long were you in Narnia?" Susan asked.

"About fifteen years," he replied, his voice turning hard.

"What is it?" Susan asked, noting the change in his voice.

"It was just… hard… leaving like I did," Robert admitted, unable to look at Susan. She placed her hand on his cheek, forcing him to look at her.

"I know how hard it is to leave, regardless of how you leave," she said. He grasped her wrist and pressed it to his lips, kissing it lightly.

"No offense, love, but you left in a time of peace. I left in the midst of war," he said quietly.

"War? What war?" Susan asked, surprised.

"Telemar attacked Cair Paravel and Narnia. It was a long, bloody battle. Actually, it was more of a slaughter; the Telemarines had numbers we couldn't even imagine," Robert explained. He looked at Susan's face, surprised that it had gone white.

"What is it?" he asked, sitting up.

"I've had dreams about that war, seeing my castle attacked and my people destroyed," Susan said softly.

"It was a hard fight, one we lost before it had begun. As happy as I am to be here, with you and our son and the future we all have, I hate that I left while Narnia fell," Robert said in a wavering voice.

"Tell me what happened that day, what really happened," Susan said quietly.

"Susan, I…" Robert trailed off, seeing a determined look in his wife's eyes that he had never seen before.

"I have to know," Susan demanded.

_Robert folded his map and followed the centaur out of the room. His steps felt heavy as he walked to his own bedroom. When he reached it, he sat on his bed, gripping the bedding beneath his hands. Anger like he hadn't felt in fifteen years overtook him as he thought about the hopeless war that they were to face soon. He stood and walked to a low table that stood against the wall and poured a glass of wine. Taking a sip of it only incited more rage, knowing it could very well be the last sip of wine he took in his home. He hurled the glass across his room, the force of the throw shattering it against the opposite wall, red liquid flowing down to the floor. The sight of the dripping wine sobered his anger, a lump forming in his throat that he quickly swallowed. _Cair Paravel will end up looking like that at the end of the week. Blood everywhere_, he thought. Growling in anger he stormed out of his room and headed to the training grounds._

_The Telemarines attacked at dawn before the sun had even fully risen over the sea. The guards who had been standing watch sounded the alarm, alerting the Narnians that war was inevitable. Robert led his army to the castle gates, lining them in front of Cair Paravel. The world began to blur around him as they charged and met the Telemarines, his sword swinging wildly as he moved through the enemy's army. _

_Hours passed and the battle ensued, the Narnians fighting harder than he had ever expected. He had just removed his sword from the chest of a Telemarine, kicking him away when he looked up and saw a tall man standing in the clearing next to the woods that surrounded Cair Paravel's grounds. Even from where he stood Robert could see the evil smile on his face he wore. Pushing through the battle, he ran to where the man stood, his sword gripped tightly in hand. _

_"Why are you doing this?" Robert shouted. The man turned to him, drawing his sword, and sneered, "Because I want it. I will wipe Narnia clean of the filth that inhabits it." Robert yelled and brought his sword down furiously, the man meeting the sword with his own blade. The man met every swing of Robert's sword, metal clanging loudly as they hit together. Robert began to tire when he finally saw his opportunity to defeat the man. He crashed his sword down on the man's shoulder, forcing him aside to the ground. Robert swung his sword, the man nearly unable to dodge the blow. The force of Robert's swing caused him to spin around to where the battle raged on below. Running towards him were three Telemarine soldiers. Robert's eyes widened in fear before glaring angrily at the fallen man. _

_"You'll never win this. Give up," the man panted. Robert braced himself for the attack from the soldiers, neatly meeting their blows. He slit one of their throats before running into the woods, hoping they would follow. He was not disappointed. When he turned to meet them, he heard a loud roar behind him. Turning at the sound, he saw a large lion racing through the woods. He ducked as the lion leapt over him, landing on the two soldiers who had chased him. Fearing for his life, he fled from the lion, running hard back towards the battle. _

_When he broke from the woods, the battle was gone. No longer was the ground filled with the dead, the soil no longer bloody from its wounds. The castle, which had towered over the battle scene like a beckoning prize, was gone as well. All Robert saw in front of him was a pond that he had once crossed. Looking down at himself, he realized he was no longer wearing his armor and tunic; he was back to the child he had been so long ago, whose brother had been killed. Spinning back to where he had run from, he saw the familiar trees that were from England, not from the woods surrounding Cair Paravel. Realizing he had left Narnia and was now in his own world, he clenched his fists. Tears began streaming down his face as he struggled to breathe. His people, his countrymen, were dying and fighting without him. He had abandoned them in their greatest moment, leaving them to the hands of the merciless Telemarines. _

_"Why?" he yelled. "Narnia's destroyed without me!" No one answered him; the only sound in the air the cries of a few birds that flew overhead. Feeling all strength leave his body, he unclenched his fists and turned to begin his walk home._

Robert stared at the ceiling, his story leaving him drained, as Susan rubbed his arm soothingly. "You didn't, you know," she said softly. Robert looked at her, confusion on his face.

"I didn't what?" he asked.

"Destroy Narnia," she replied. Robert's eyebrows drew together sharply. "The history books spoke of the Telemarine invasion, of how you fought Caspian I and nearly defeated him! You were a great hero to Narnia. Narnia survived the-"

"How do you know that? They destroyed everything!" Robert interrupted. Susan shrugged.

"We went back," Susan said.

"You went… back?" he asked slowly. Susan nodded.

"Yes. A year after we returned from Narnia we were called back. Years had passed in Narnia since we had been there. Almost 1300 years to be more precise. The Telemarines ruled Narnia, but we defeated them and retook our thrones. After it was all over, Edmund found a book in the library about the battle; you were in it, although not named specifically. I imagine the book was written hundreds of years after you left," she explained.

"How did you come back?" Robert asked.

"There was a storm and we were sailing. A wave knocked us overboard and when we surfaced, we were back at the train station waiting on our train to take us to school, as though we had never left England," Susan said. Susan looked at him, her eyes hard but sad. "We never left in the middle of a war, but our leaving was no less hard than yours. I know how painful it is. Our leaving nearly destroyed me."

Robert was quiet as he remembered Susan when he had first met her, how different she had been then, finally understanding so many things that he hadn't at the time. "Have you been back since then?" he asked. Susan shook her head sadly.

"No, when we left the second time, Aslan told Peter and me that we were too old to return. I didn't handle that too well, much to my siblings' disappointment. Edmund and Lucy went back again, though, with our cousin Eustace," she explained.

"Your aunt and uncle's son?" Robert asked skeptically. Susan laughed slightly and nodded. "He wasn't made a king, was he?" he asked suspiciously. Susan laughed louder this time.

"Goodness, no! At least, I hope not," she laughed. Robert chuckled with her, their laughter growing louder together.

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer to him. Susan laid her head on his chest and wrapped an arm around him. They lay together, blissful in silence, for a good while. Susan felt Robert's breathing ease and, thinking he had fallen asleep, began to move to lie on her side of the bed. She felt his arm tighten around her, holding her close. Smiling, she relaxed against him and closed her eyes.

Several moments later, as she had just begun to drift off, she heard Robert ask, "So does this make me a king?" Susan's eyes popped open and a wide smile grew on her face.

"Well, I suppose it does. You did marry Queen Susan the Gentle, after all," she giggled.

"Hmm… King Robert. King Robert the Brave. No, King Robert the Hero. I suppose I like the sound of that," he chuckled. Susan rolled her eyes and muttered, "Don't let it go to your head." Robert laughed loudly and leaned forward to kiss her on her head.

"Goodnight, love," he whispered. Susan smiled against his chest and replied, "Goodnight, your majesty."

**AN: Augh! There really was no good place to put this note; I'd wanted to put it at the beginning, but realized that wouldn't be a good place for it because it continues from the last chapter. Real quick... You all had some GREAT suggestions, and I TOTALLY would have taken them into consideration... if I hadn't beaten you to the punch already. **

**Also, not to ruin your day, but I forsee this story being finished by next Wednesday... MAAAAYBE Thursday if I get too busy. But no worries! I've been thinking about a final story for a while (I know I mentioned it earlier) and figured why not? So tell all your friends to get on the Grace Trilogy Bandwagon! You know it's official now that I've named the trilogy (although it's about as creative as my titles.. meaning not very at all)**


	17. A Friend from the Past

**AN: This chapter may skip slightly, but it was done purposefully. I look forward to your reviews on it! There's only one chapter left! **

A month had passed since Robert and Susan had discovered they had both been to Narnia. They shared stories of their times together, remembering similar places and adventures they had experienced. Susan told Robert of the parties she had held, the hundreds of balls they had attended while Robert had told of his adventures training with the Narnians and participating in tournaments. Robert had asked Susan about some of the things he had read about while he had been in Narnia, namely their defeat of the White Witch, which Susan had recounted for him, remembering her adventures as if they were only yesterday. Mostly their story trading had gone smoothly, laughing together at certain parts and comforting the other during harder tales. The only tension was when Susan had told him of her time in Calormen and her encounters with Rabadash. Robert had been the only person Susan had ever told the whole story to and felt a great weight lifted from her chest as she told him of how he had treated her that night in the gardens of the Tisroc's palace in Tashbaan. Her relief was brief however; she saw that Robert's face had gone pale and hard, his eyes tight with anger.

"Robert, dear, please," she had said quietly, placing her hands on the sides of his face, trying to assuage his anger. "It was a long time ago and none of it matters anymore." Robert had grabbed her wrists and moved her hands gently from his face.

"I hate that you've been treated like you have. You deserved so much better," he had whispered, his voice strained with a combination of anger and love.

"But I have so much better, now that I have you," Susan had said softly before placing a small kiss on his lips.

* * *

It was at the end of the month both Susan and Robert received news that would ultimately change their lives.

"Susan?" Robert called when he walked in the door, shutting it quickly behind him against the blustery day. The wind had picked up mid-afternoon and the sky had grayed, signaling the beginnings of a storm. One never came, however; the wind only continued to howl and the sky only continued to darken.

"We're in here!" Susan called back from the living room. Robert hung up his coat and hat, stuffing the letters he had gotten out of the mailbox into his suit coat pocket. He walked into the living room and smiled at the sight he came upon. His wife and son were both kneeling in front of a low table, Edward scribbling furiously on a sheet of paper while Susan looked on proudly.

"Dad!" Edward yelled, dropping the pencil he held and scattering his papers as he jumped up to give his father a hug. Robert caught him in his arms and tossed him gently into the air before giving him a quick hug.

"How are you today?" Robert asked as he walked into the room.

"Great! We drew pictures of great big castles and Mummy told me of how King Peter fought off the giants!" Edward chattered eagerly from his father's arms.

"Really? He fought off the giants?" Robert laughed, sending a quick wink to Susan who still sat on the floor. "I don't believe I've heard that one yet. Why don't you go wash up for dinner and then you can tell it to me?" Edward nodded and scrambled down from Robert's arms before taking off upstairs.

"Fought off the giants?" Robert asked, raising an eyebrow at Susan.

"Several times, in fact. They really were quite annoying at times," Susan said nonchalantly as she began picking up Edward's drawings. Robert laughed loudly and sat on the sofa, patting the spot next to him.

"Come sit for a minute," he said, giving Susan a wide smile.

"Oh, no, I know that smile and I don't have time for it. I still have to clean up all of this and go finish dinner," Susan said, her eyes twinkling at her husband as she fought a smile that played on her lips. Robert rolled his eyes and stood, walking slowly towards her.

"I think it's only fair that you give your husband a kiss to welcome him home. After all, he does work hard all day, slaving away from dusk 'til dawn," he said, reaching out and pulling her closer.

"Slaving away my foot. You probably did an hour's worth of work today and just played cards with Mr. Tavers the rest of it," she giggled as she allowed herself to be pulled.

"Yes, but it was hard work. Tavers cheats," Robert teased softly as he leaned down to kiss her. Susan sighed against his lips, wrapping her arms around his neck and leaning in to him. The kiss deepened as Susan's heart began to race. Robert wrapped his arms around her tighter, moving his hands slightly slower. A loud groan brought them out of their happy bubble, quickly pulling apart to see a disgusted six year old standing in the doorway, his hands covering his eyes.

"Do you have to do that?" he asked. Robert chuckled and rolled his eyes.

"Yes, we do. One day you'll find a girl and will want to do that as well," he laughed, walking over to Edward, scooping him up and slinging him over his shoulder.

"Just not too soon," Susan smiled, shaking her head at her husband and son. Her smile widened as she thought of the news she had received earlier that day, her hand drifting to her stomach. "I guess we better get them fed," she whispered as she walked out of the room.

Later that evening after dinner, Susan and Robert sat in the living room. A roaring fire was going, Robert having built it as the temperature had dropped. Susan dozed against his arm, coming in and out of consciousness as she slept.

"Hey, wake up there," Robert said, nudging her awake.

"Hmm? Oh, sorry, I don't mean to keep falling asleep. It's just so cozy with the fire and I feel so tired lying here," Susan said sleepily. Robert laughed.

"There was some mail for you today. I thought you might want to read it," he said, remembering the letters he had put in his pocket earlier. He pulled them out and handed Susan a long white envelope. She looked at the return address, her eyes widening when she read it. Sliding her finger under the seal and breaking it open, she pulled out a neatly folded letter, its creases impeccably straight.

_Dear Susan:_

_I hope this letter finds you in good spirits, as the last time I saw you I know you were not. Although our last meeting was not quite the way I had hoped it would go, I want you to know that I am truly sorry for all the pain I have caused you over the years. Furthermore, I want to apologize for my rudeness that day; it was extremely inappropriate for me to say the things I said and I hope that one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me for them._

_I write to you now because I never got the opportunity to explain my visit, which I now see was a mistake to show up the way I did. I should have first written to you before to see if it would be alright by you. I came because I wanted to see my son. My father passed away several months ago and I have been grieving for quite some time. As of recently, my thoughts have drifted to my son and I wondered how he had fared. I felt quite awful for giving him up and telling you I did not want to be a part of his life; I still feel that way, but for many different reasons now. None as shallow as they were all those years ago when all I was concerned about was my reputation._

_Seeing Edward put my fears at ease. I see that you have been a wonderful mother to him and I wonder now why I had ever doubted you would be. He has a safe and happy home with you and your husband and I do not wish to spoil that for any of you. I am to be married soon; my bride is a wonderful woman and I love her dearly. I have told her about Edward as I am very proud to have such a handsome and smart son. She is accepting of this and has encouraged me to stay in contact. This is something I will not do, for Edward's sake. However, if you ever need anything for him, please do not hesitate to ask. I will gladly do all I can to help him in whatever way that I can._

_Yours Sincerely,_

_Philip Montrose, III_

Susan folded the letter when she had finished reading, her eyes damp with tears.

"Susan?" Robert asked, looking up from a letter he was reading. "What is it?" Susan shook her head and smiled slightly.

"What are you reading?" she asked as she tucked the letter back into its envelope.

"It's a letter from a solicitor of my uncle's. It seems he's died suddenly and I've inherited his house," Robert said slowly, returning his eyes to his letter.

"Oh, Robert, how awful!" Susan exclaimed, laying her hand on Robert's arm. "Are you alright?"

"Hmm? Oh, yes, I'm fine. I wasn't close to the old man anyway. He was a crusty sort of fellow, never married. Preferred to be alone most of the time. The house is important, though. He inherited it after my other uncle, his older brother, passed during the war. It's actually a rather old house, built by my great-great-grandfather and has been passed down through the years. The house was originally passed to my uncle; when he died, it was passed to his daughter, who also died years later. So then it was passed to my uncle's younger brother, the one who just died. Now, it gets passed to my mother, who was my uncles' younger sister. But Mother didn't want it, so the house comes to me," Robert explained.

"So… we have a new house?" Susan asked hesitantly.

"I suppose we do. I don't know if we'll want to keep it though; that's a lot of upkeep for us," Robert said as he folded his letter. "I thought maybe we could go see the house tomorrow."

"I think that would be nice. Where is the house?" Susan asked as she leaned her head on Robert's shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer to him.

"It's in Norwich. Not too far from here; hardly a place to have a second home, though. I can't imagine the need for it, but I can't imagine selling it. It's been in our family for so long and it's been kept in such good condition," Robert said.

"Well, let's see it tomorrow and make that decision then. But I think your family's home belongs in your family," Susan said quietly.

"Our family," he gently reminded her.

"Our family," Susan repeated softly. Robert squeezed her gently as he glanced around the room, smiling as he pictured Susan as a little girl in the room, playing with her siblings. He remembered the weeks he would spend in his uncle's house playing with his cousin, happy memories they had shared in the house he now owned.

"I think you're right," he whispered, dropping a kiss on her head.

* * *

"Where are we going again?" Edward asked as they walked to the car. Susan rolled her eyes and sighed deeply.

"For the tenth time, we are going to look at a house," she answered, her patience wearing thin.

"But what's wrong with our house?" he asked.

"Nothing's wrong with our house. We just want to look at this new one. It's now our house too, so we wanted to see it," she explained as she helped Edward into the backseat of the car. "Did you get your lion?" she asked before shutting the door. Edward nodded and held up his stuffed lion for his mother to see. "Good boy," she smiled and shut the door. Opening her own, she climbed into the front seat where Robert was waiting for them.

"Are we all ready to go?" he asked cheerfully. Seeing Susan nod, he started the car and pulled away from the curb as they drove to Norwich.

A good while later Susan glanced at the back seat, wondering why it was so quiet. Edward had fallen asleep, his mouth slightly agape as he his leaned back, his stuffed lion hugged tightly to his side. "I swear, that boy could sleep through anything," she muttered as she turned back around. Robert glanced in the rearview mirror and chuckled.

"Well, he certainly looks like his mother when she sleeps," he teased. Susan lightly smacked his arm.

"I do not sleep with my mouth hanging open like that," she said indignantly.

"Oh? And how many times have you watched yourself sleep?" he asked.

"How did your uncle die?" Susan asked, trying to change the subject but inwardly cringing when she realized what subject she had changed the conversation to.

"Which one?" Robert asked.

"Both, I suppose," Susan answered.

"Well, Uncle George, the younger brother, died of heart failure, according to the solicitor's letter. Uncle Richard and his wife, Aunt Henrietta, were both killed during the war. Bombings," Robert explained.

"How sad," Susan whispered.

"My cousin lived in the house for several years after they were killed, but she was killed as well, very young," Robert said, his hands tightening on the wheel.

"How did she die?" Susan asked hesitantly, noting Robert's stiffness.

"Train wreck," he said, the words cutting. Susan glanced sadly at him, her eyes misting as she saw a small tear in the corner of her husband's eye. Leaning towards him, she kissed his cheek, just as the tear escaped, her lips catching it and wiping it away. "You would have liked her. She was full of spirit, always a fun girl. Reminds me of you sometimes," he said, a slow grin appearing at the corner of his mouth.

When they reached the house, Susan sat in awe of the massive home that they now owned. "Well, this is it," Robert said as he cut the car off.

"It's beautiful," Susan breathed. Robert chuckled and squeezed her hand.

"Wait until you see the inside," he teased. He got out of the car and opened the back door, waking Edward as he helped him out. Susan got out as well, her eyes unable to tear away from the house.

"Wow, is this a castle?" Edward asked sleepily as he leaned against Robert's head.

"It could be," Robert replied, smiling widely.

As they climbed the steps to the house, Susan felt an eerie familiarity around her. The day was cheerful and sunny, a sharp contrast to the blustery day they had yesterday, but with each step she felt chills go through her body. Robert pulled a key out of his pocket and unlocked the front door. They stepped inside, breathless from the beauty of the hall. The walls were paneled in dark wood, polished until they gleamed. A large chandelier hung overhead, the crystals glittering brightly. Large works of art covered the walls, pieces that seemed to be worth quite a bit.

As they toured the house, the familiarity Susan had felt began to strengthen, no longer scaring her but making her yearn for days of long ago. Robert led them around, telling them tidbits about the house's history, explaining different pieces of furniture or items displayed and how they were acquired.

When they entered a large drawing room, Susan was immediately drawn to the marble fireplace, the focal point of the room. Dozens of pictures, photographs of Robert's family members, stood on the mantle. Susan walked closer, taking in the pictures, when a small photo of two boys caught her eye. They were clearly brothers, their expressions similar as they smiled for the camera.

"Is this you?" Susan asked, pointing to the picture. Robert walked closer and looked, smiling when he recognized the picture.

"That's me and my brother George. I was around six or so when that was taken," he answered.

Going through the other pictures, he picked up a larger gold frame holding a picture of a couple with a small girl sitting in her mother's lap. The girl had a head full of dark curled hair, a large floppy bow holding the curls back, and wore a bright happy smile. She looked to be about four in the picture, clasping her mother's hand tightly. Her face reminded Susan of someone, but was unable to decide who.

"This is my Uncle Richard and Aunt Henrietta with their daughter-" Robert was cut off by Edward's cries.

"Look Mummy! Look!" he cried, coming up and tugging on Susan's hand.

"What is it?" she asked, allowing him to pull her. He pulled her to a large photo sitting on a marble table. It was of a young woman dressed in a commencement gown, a serene smile on her face. Her eyes were untouched by the smile, however, and appeared sad, as though they had never once been happy. Her hair, though longer, was still dark and curled, pulled to the side in a clip. Although the photo was black and white, Susan could tell her eyes were lighter.

_They're green_, she thought to herself, her own eyes widening as she recognized the woman in the photo. She was younger in the picture than she had been the last time Susan had seen her, but still older than the first time they had met.

"She looks like a queen!" Edward said, breaking the silence.

"She's a princess, actually," Susan said softly, too low for her son to hear. Robert came behind her and put his arm around her waist.

"That's my cousin Georgiana, or Georgie as we called her; she's my Uncle Richard and Aunt Henrietta's daughter. Or was, I suppose. She's the one I told you about who died in the train wreck," he said softly. Susan's eyes filled with tears at hearing of the death of her friend from so long ago.

"She's beautiful," Susan whispered as she leaned into her husband.

"Mummy? Why are you crying?" Edward asked, confused by his mother's tears. Robert leaned down and saw her crying.

"What is it, love?" he asked worriedly. Susan shook her head.

"It's just sad. It made me think of my siblings, dying the same way," she lied, turning from the photo.

"Susan?" Robert asked slowly. She turned to look at him, forcing a smile.

"I'm fine, really," she said. Glancing around the room, she added, "This is a beautiful house, Robert, so full of history and your family's memories. You can't sell it." Robert smiled.

"I wasn't planning to. I just wanted you to see it," he said.

"I want to see more of it!" Edward said, tugging on Robert's hand.

"Alright, alright. How about I show you the play room where there are lots and lots of toys?" Robert asked, scooping his son up.

"Yes!" Edward yelled.

"We'll be upstairs when you're ready," Robert said quietly as he stopped by the door, turning back to Susan. Susan nodded. When she heard Robert climbing the stairs outside the room, she walked back to the photo of Georgiana and picked it up.

"So you came back? Edmund would have loved to have seen you. If only you knew what had truly happened to us. If any of us deserved a place in Aslan's Country, it was you. I hope that's where you are, with my brother," she said quietly to the picture, her mouth slightly quivering as she spoke. Taking a deep sigh to control her emotions, she set the photo back on the table and left the room to follow her husband and son.

Hours later when they had finished looking at the house, the three climbed back into the car and headed back to their home in London. Susan glanced out the window, taking one last look at the house that Georgiana had lived and grown up in. They drove in silence during the trip; Susan thought Edward might have fallen asleep again, but did not turn around to check. She closed her eyes, smiling slightly as she remembered the time she had spent with Georgiana in Narnia, their friendship had been so easy and natural; Georgiana was every bit a sister to her as Lucy had been. The more she remembered, the more she realized she missed Georgiana as much as she missed her three siblings.

"Look! A tunnel!" Edward cried, startling Susan out of her memories.

"Ed, don't shout. We can all see there's a tunnel ahead. We came through it before," Robert scolded gently.

"But I didn't see it," Edward said.

"That's because you were asleep, darling," Susan said, turning and giving her son a smile.

"Our teacher said if you hold your breath while you're going through a tunnel and make a wish, it will come true," Edward explained.

"Well, then shall we make a wish?" Susan asked.

"Yes! Hold your breath!" Edward said excitedly, taking in a big gulp of air. Susan smiled wider and gently rolled her eyes at her son's silly beliefs as she turned back to her seat. As they began to enter the tunnel, Susan silently sucked in a breath, closing her eyes and wishing harder than she ever had in her life.

* * *

"Susan," a voice called. Susan opened her eyes, expecting to see the bright end of the tunnel. Instead all she saw was darkness. Looking to her right, where Robert should have sat, there was nothingness. It surrounded her, consuming the space around her. Her heart began to race as she frantically looked about for her husband and son, waving her arms in front of her hoping to feel them.

"Susan," the same voice said. Susan's back shot up straight, her heart racing faster in panic. She slowly turned to see a door in front of her. It was plain and wooden, its simple doorknob made of metal. Her head turned to the side as she inspected it, wondering why such a nondescript door would be in the middle of nothingness. A quiet padding sounded next to her. She turned her head and saw a golden mane. Staring back at her were the warm eyes she had stared into so many times, so many lifetimes ago.

"Aslan," she breathed. No longer did she feel compelled to kneel before him as she had in the past. She threw her arms around him as she would have done when she was a little girl, allowing the warmth and calmness he radiated to fill her. Her eyes began to tear up as she hugged him, all the pain and suffering she had felt in the past melting away. All the fear and hatred she had of Narnia disappeared and was replaced with the love and excitement she had felt when they had first come to the magical world. Pulling away, Susan wiped her tears.

"Am I dreaming again?" she asked. Aslan chuckled and shook his head.

"I suppose those dreams I've sent you have been upsetting you," he said.

"You sent them? They were so terrible. I was so scared for my son in them," she said.

"But you overcame the threats in them. You found your strength again. You overcame your fears and became who you were always meant to be," Aslan explained gently. Susan nodded.

"I did, I think. I'm so ashamed of what has happened to me. I don't deserve to be Queen Susan of Narnia; I've shamed her," Susan said, her head lowered.

"Child, look at me," Aslan gently commanded. Susan looked up, her eyes misty with tears. "I warned you before of listening to your fears. You've continued to do so even after. You lost your way and had to come back. I know it's been a hard road for you, but know that I was with you every step of the way. And I will continue to be as long as you are friend to me and even long after if you ever lose you way again. Your triumphs make you more of a queen than you have ever been," Aslan continued. Susan stood silently for several long minutes, digesting everything that she had been told. Looking around at the darkness, she asked, "Sir, what am I doing here?" Aslan smiled.

"You are here because you asked to be here," he replied. Susan's brow furrowed in confusion. "Through that door lies the path back to your home. Those you love are waiting for you there. It's up to you to decide which home you choose to live in, however," Aslan said.

Susan turned to the door, her brow furrowing even more as she thought about her home. There was Narnia, the home she had loved more than anything. There was the home she had created with her husband and son, both whom she now loved more than anything. There was a time when she couldn't imagine anything more wonderful than living in Narnia, happy and carefree, queen to her people. It was the world she had lived in and found true happiness. Now she knew that her home was with her son and husband. A world without them was no home to her. Glancing back over her shoulder at the lion, she thought, _But, he did say…_

Her thoughts trailed off as she turned back to the door with steely determination. Reaching for the doorknob, she turned it, pulling the door slowly open. Her eyes squinted from the light that poured in from the open doorway. Once they had focused, she saw a familiar figure standing several yards from the door. Susan smiled widely as the figure spoke.

"Well, it's about time you got here, Susan. I've been waiting on you."


	18. Returning Home

**AN: First of all, I hope I did this chapter justice. I needed it to be the culmination of everything, answering (hopefully) all the questions that were raised throughout the previous chapters, and ending _Receiving Grace _on a high note. I actually finished this today at work (when I should have been working, shh!) and started tearing up at some points in it... hopefully that's a good sign! Secondly, as I mentioned before I've decided to do a third part to this and will be posting a scene from it to get some feedback/judge interest. Dunno when that'll be... Anyway, enjoy! **

"Welcome home, Queen Susan," the figure said, smiling widely at her.

"Princess Georgiana!" Susan exclaimed happily, rushing over to greet her friend. Georgie pulled Susan into a tight hug, keeping her close for several moments. When the two women pulled away, Georgie smiled widely and held up her left hand.

"It's actually Queen Georgiana," she smirked. Susan glanced at Georgie's hand and saw the large ring Edmund had purchased in Terebinthia when they had traveled before, its diamond and small orange stones glittering in the sunlight.

"So you really are my sister now!" Susan said, smiling widely at her new sister-in-law. Georgie rolled her eyes and returned Susan's smile.

"I see you got your ring back," she said. Susan glanced down at her left hand where her coronation ring sat.

"Yes! How did…" she trailed off at seeing Georgie's sly smile.

"You're welcome," Georgie said, raising her eyebrows slightly.

"I guess Robert wasn't really lying when he said it was a family heirloom," Susan muttered. Georgie laughed lightly before stepping away from her. Susan's eyes widened as they landed on Georgie's rounded stomach.

"I'm going to be an aunt!" Susan whispered as she placed her hand on Georgie's stomach. Georgie nodded and replied, "I guess I am, too. I met your charming son just a while ago. He's you and Edmund all over." Susan laughed.

"I always said he was just like his uncle," she said. "So he's here?" Georgie smiled gently and nodded.

"Of course he is. Didn't Aslan tell you that?" Georgie asked.

"Not in so many words," Susan answered. "He didn't explain why I'm here though. Did we… are we… did we die?" Susan stammered, finding it hard to ask.

Georgie gave her a crooked smile and replied, "Well… not… exactly." Susan stared at her in confusion. "Let's go sit for a bit and talk," Georgie suggested, taking Susan's arm.

They walked to the river that ran through the field where they were standing. It was then that Susan really took in her surroundings. The familiar field felt like home to her. She knew the river that rushed in front of her and knew that if she followed it, it would lead her to Cair Paravel. Glancing down, she saw that she no longer wore the clothes she had worn earlier in the day. She was now dressed in a deep blue Narnian gown, the fabric feeling more beautiful on her skin than she had ever imagined. Running her hand down the dress she became confused as it passed over her stomach.

_I know there was a bump there earlier today_, she thought to herself. Her head jerked up and she caught Georgie staring at her sympathetically.

"It's not there anymore," Georgie said quietly.

"Did I lose it? Is my baby gone?" Susan asked as panic set in.

"Not… gone…" Georgie replied slowly. Susan grabbed her arm, forcing the two to stop.

"Georgiana, if you don't stop talking like that so help me I'll lock you in a cell again," Susan threatened, her irritation growing from Georgie's cryptic answers. Georgie laughed lightly before moving towards the grassy bank of the river and sitting slowly.

"Come sit next to me, Susan. I'll explain what I can," she suggested, patting the spot next to her. Susan hesitated momentarily before walking towards her new sister-in-law. Sitting, she demanded, "Okay, spill Georgiana. I want to know everything." Georgie sighed and stretched her legs.

"I can only tell you what I know to tell you. That doesn't include everything," Georgie said irritably.

"Well, can you tell me why I'm here?" Susan asked.

"You're here because you asked to be here," Georgie said.

"When? When did I ask to be here? Aslan said the same thing, but that doesn't explain what I'm doing here!" Susan said exasperated.

"When you were in the car, you wished to be in Narnia. But it was more than just wanting to be here; you wished to be in a place with your family that would help you to live how you were meant to live, to be who you were meant to be. In the case of you and your husband, this is where you can be who you were both born to be," Georgie explained.

"I don't remember wishing for all of that exactly," Susan said slowly. Georgie shot her a sly look and shrugged.

"Well, we embellished on what you actually wished for. Getting to see Narnia again, living where you were meant to live: same thing really. We figured we knew better than you did," she laughed.

"Maybe you do," Susan laughed as well before continuing. "But how are we here? Robert said you had died, so I can only assume we're in Aslan's Country. You said we didn't exactly die. What did you mean? How are we here in Aslan's Country if we're not dead?"

"Again, you're here because you asked to be. Your place is here in Narnia; it always has been. It's a little unconventional, coming here when you're not dead, but then again, I suppose it's a little unconventional to have come to Narnia at all," Georgie said.

"So we've just come here, like before? Will we go back again?" Susan asked. Georgie shook her head.

"Yes, you've just come here like you always have, by magic. But unlike the other times, you won't go back. You're here to stay as long as Aslan's Country lasts," she explained.

"And my husband and son?" Susan asked.

"Ah yes. Your husband and son. Your son is having the time of his life getting to know his new home and being a prince. And that fool cousin of mine greeted me as King Robert the Hero. Your doing, I presume?" Georgie teased. Susan laughed loudly.

"That sounds like Robert. But they're both here? Can I go see them?" She started to rise, but Georgie placed a hand on her arm, pulling her back down.

"You'll have eternity to see them. We're not quite finished talking yet," Georgie warned. Once Susan had sat again, Georgie gave her a warm smile. "I can't tell you how happy it makes me that you and Robert finally got together and married. I really did hope you would," she said, squeezing Susan's hand.

"You knew about us? How?" Susan asked, surprised.

"Susan, look around you. This is Narnia, exactly as it was when you knew it. Only better, you could say. Although you may not have known at the time, there were places in Narnia where you could see what was happening in other areas. There's a hermit who lived near one such place; he had a pond that could show you other places and people in Narnia. That pond is still here, only you can now see others outside of Narnia. Your brothers and sister and I have been keeping an eye on you. It was very sad at first; even harder later watching you go through what you did with the loss of your siblings. Peter and Edmund could barely watch. Poor Lucy tried harder than they did – you know how determined she can be – but she could never make herself watch for very long. It hurt them too much to see you hurting so badly.

"I stayed when they couldn't. I wanted to make sure you were alright, even if you might not have been at first. When I saw my cousin enter the picture, I was more elated than I had been in a very long time. Which says a lot, since time has little meaning here. Knowing you both as I did, I knew all it would take would be one look and you two would instantly fall in love. Of course, leave it to you to ruin all my happy plans by going off to France," Georgie teased. Susan's cheeks reddened.

"But all worked out as I had hoped. You both found your heads and found each other. I really couldn't be happier," Georgie finished.

"I couldn't either. Well, at least I thought that earlier; that was before I came here. Now I positively know I couldn't be happier. Do my brothers and sister know I'm here?" Susan asked as she nervously played with a blade of grass. Georgie laughed brightly.

"Of course they do! It was all I could do to get them to wait back at the castle. I finally insisted they show Robert and Edward around," she said.

"Are they still angry with me for everything? For giving up faith in Narnia?" Susan asked quietly. Georgie leaned over and put her hands on Susan's face, forcing her to look up.

"Susan, they were never angry with you. You have to understand what it was like for them. Their place was always here with the life they chose, with the loves of their lives… although Lucy's a different story. But it's her story to tell, not mine. Their futures were always meant to end here. Yours was not. You were meant to find happiness outside of Narnia, which you did. That's the main reason why you never found it in Narnia. They could never understand that about you, why you gave up on Narnia so vehemently. Maybe you didn't either.

"But had you not, had you still loved Narnia as much as your siblings did, you would have been on the train that day with Lucy or standing on the platform with your brothers. You would have died along with them, never knowing true happiness. You were never meant to find that in Narnia, but now that you have, Narnia has become your reward," Georgie explained. Susan's eyes began to tear up.

"I wished to come here before, you know," she whispered. Georgie dropped her hands and shook her head sadly.

"No you didn't. That night at the fountain, you didn't wish to come to Narnia. You wished to be with your siblings again. As you said then, that wish was for the impossible. Your wish then was only for yourself, to ease your pain. You wanted to be dead with your siblings so badly it nearly blinded you that night to the love of your life. You weren't ready to enter Narnia again in that state. When you wished in the car to be here, it wasn't just to be with your siblings. It was so that you could be the queen you are meant to be so that your family would always know happiness. You were ready to enter Narnia again, and so you did," Georgie said.

"And my child?" Susan asked, placing her hands on her stomach. Georgie leaned over again and covered Susan's hands with her own.

"Have faith that things will be taken care of for you," she said, giving Susan a knowing smile.

"What do you mean? I was pregnant before I came here," Susan said.

"That's one of those things that I'm not meant to explain to you," Georgie said. Susan's lips drew together angrily.

"Well, then I suggest you take me to someone who can," she said, her voice lowering. Georgie laughed and hoisted herself from the ground.

"There's the Queen Susan we all know and love," she said cheerfully. "I'll take you to Cair Paravel." Susan stood, brushing her dress off. "Oh, I believe you'll probably want this," Georgie exclaimed.

"Want what?" Susan asked curiously. Georgie held out a gleaming gold crown towards Susan. Susan's eyes widened as Georgie reached up and placed the crown on top of Susan's head. When Georgie straightened back, Susan lifted her hand to touch the crown that had been a permanent fixture on her head for so many years.

"I never thought I'd see this again," she said softly, a wide smile on her face.

"Now you look perfect," Georgie said, returning Susan's smile. "Let's get you home."

Susan and Georgie walked arm in arm to Cair Paravel, Susan asking how her siblings had fared, how Edmund and Georgie had gotten married. Georgie answered most of her questions, occasionally giving her another cryptic answer that she could not answer a particular question. Their walk seemed to last for hours or no time at all; Susan could not tell as time seemed to not exist in this Narnia.

As they neared Cair Paravel Susan suddenly stopped, jerking Georgie to a stop as well. "What is it?" Georgie asked, surprised at their quick stop.

"Am I the oldest now?" Susan asked.

"The oldest? Why do you ask that?" Georgie asked.

"Well, I've aged since my brothers and sister died. I'm nearly thirty! Peter was only twenty-two, and Edmund and Lucy were much younger. Am I older than they are now? Am I going to look like the oldest?" she asked frantically. Georgie laughed loudly, the sound of her laughter making Susan forget her worries and join in with her.

"Susan, you really haven't changed a bit!" Georgie exclaimed. "No, you won't be the oldest. You'll be the same as you always were. Age here really has no meaning; some friends of yours came here with your siblings, Lord Diggory and Lady Polly – or I suppose as you know them, Professor Kirke and Polly Plummer – and they were much older at first, but now that they're here, they're both much younger. Hardly older than we are, I imagine.

"Edmund has a theory about that. He says we've all transformed into the ages when we were happiest. He said he was nineteen when he died, but he looks the same as he did when we were all in Narnia together before. Although, you can't really just look at someone and say what age that person is. It's all very confusing and I just let Edmund try to explain and mostly tune him out," Georgie explained, laughing as she finished. Susan laughed as well, knowing her younger brother had always tried to theorize things when it came to Narnia. Georgie linked her arm through Susan's again, tugging her slightly and said, "Come on. I think you've kept everyone waiting long enough."

The two women walked through the castle gates entering Cair Paravel. Susan looked at her home, marveling at how much better it looked; the castle better than she had ever remembered. She smiled as they passed the large painting of her and her siblings, happiness filling her as memories of her years at Cair Paravel returned to her. Georgie led her out of the castle and began walking towards the gardens.

They entered a large garden where their orchard grew, the smell of apples permeating the air making it crisp and sweet. Susan smiled as she caught sight of her son running towards her.

"Mummy! Mummy, Aunt Lucy is here!" he cried, throwing his arms around Susan's legs.

"Is she, darling?" Susan said, stooping down to hug her son.

"Yes! And Uncle Peter and Uncle Edmund and they showed me all sorts of neat stuff that I can do! And Uncle Edmund said he's going to teach me to use a sword and-" Edward stopped suddenly as Susan hugged him tighter, placing a kiss on his cheek. "Mummy, stop it! You can't kiss a prince!" he cried, squirming out of Susan's embrace. She laughed and ruffled his hair.

"I'm your mother and I'm a queen, so I'll kiss you any time I want, little prince," she teased. Edward rolled his eyes, reminding her so much of Edmund. She leaned towards Georgie and whispered, "I hope for your sake, your child is more like you than Edmund." Georgie laughed.

"I don't. I was a nightmare as a child!" she said.

"Come see Aunt Lucy!" Edward cried, grabbing his mother's hand and tugging her. Susan allowed herself to be pulled, her heart beginning to race at the thought of seeing her sister again. The three walked further into the garden, going through a small archway that opened into a larger courtyard. At the far end Susan saw four figures standing, two women and two men. The smaller of the women turned, her fair hair shining in the sunlight.

"Susan!" she cried, lifting her skirt and running towards where Susan, Edward and Georgie stood.

"Lucy," Susan whispered, letting go of her son's hand and rushing to her sister. She threw her arms around her little sister, pulling her tightly to her as tears streamed down her face.

"Oh, Susan! I've waited and waited and now you're here!" Lucy exclaimed, squeezing her sister tightly.

"Lu, don't be a Susan hog," a deeper voice came from behind them. Susan pulled back and saw Edmund standing, a wide smile on his face.

"Edmund!" she cried, throwing her arms around his neck.

"It's about time you got here, Su," he teased. He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly as he lifted her off the ground and spun her around. When he placed her back on the ground, she pulled back and placed her hand on his cheek.

"You're so much older than you were last time I saw you. I can't believe it, look how your hair has grown, and you look so happy!" she exclaimed, running her hand over his face in a motherly fashion. Edmund groaned and grabbed her wrist, pulling it away from him. With shining eyes and a mischievous smile, he said, "If you don't stop your mothering, I'm sending you back!" Susan and he both laughed, remembering all the times Edmund had scolded Susan about her mothering.

"Susan," a grave voice interrupted their laughing. Susan turned and saw Peter, a solemn look on his face. She noticed he, too, had aged, looking more kingly than she had ever seen him. She turned from Edmund and stepped towards her brother, preparing herself for whatever he might say.

"Susan, I-" he started, his voice catching. Closing his eyes briefly and swallowing, he continued, "Susan, can you ever forgive me for how I treated you?" Susan's eyes widened in surprise and she shook her head slightly.

"Peter, there's nothing to forgive," she whispered, stepping into her older brother's arms and wrapping hers around him. He did the same, hugging her tightly and placing a brotherly kiss on her cheek. When she pulled back, she looked at her brother, her eyes beginning to tear up again.

"It's me who should be asking for your forgiveness. I behaved so dreadfully and hurt those who meant the world to me," she said softly. Peter smiled and shook his head.

"It's as you said: there's nothing to forgive," he said, wrapping his arm around his sister. Susan reached out with her free arm and pulled Lucy closer to her, leaning her head against her sister's. Edmund chuckled and stepped forward, wrapping his arms around his sisters. The four stood like that for several moments, embraced in a hug, happiness enveloping them as they were finally reunited. Susan felt a sharp tug on her skirt.

"Mummy! Come on! I want to show you everything else!" Edward cried impatiently. Susan loosened herself from her siblings' arms and turned to her son, giving him a sharp look. Sighing, she turned back to her siblings who had all stepped away and shook her head.

"He definitely has his Uncle Edmund's impatience," she said.

"And his mother's set of lungs," a voice said from behind them. Susan gasped as she spun towards the voice. Robert was walking towards her, smiling widely and carrying a bundle in his arms. Susan rushed to him, her heart speeding excitedly. When she reached him, she stopped suddenly when she saw the bundle he was carrying move. He chuckled and pulled back the blanket that covered it, revealing a baby in his arms.

"Meet your daughter, Queen Susan," he said softly, leaning forward and placing a kiss on Susan's head.

"My daughter?" Susan whispered, placing her hand gently on the baby in her husband's arms.

"I haven't named her. I thought you might want to do the honors," he said. Susan thought briefly before deciding.

"Lillian Grace," she finally whispered. "May I hold her?" Robert rolled his eyes and carefully passed the baby to Susan.

"You're her mother; you obviously don't have to ask," he said as he wrapped his arm around her waist. Susan stood in awe of her daughter, smiling as the baby waved a tiny fist towards her.

"How is she here?" Susan asked. Robert inhaled sharply, hesitating to explain. "Robert?" Susan asked, pulling her eyes away from her daughter.

"It's funny how people enter Narnia. Some come through a piece of furniture or a painting, some are sucked in by magic, and some swim across a pond. We're some of the only ones here who entered into Aslan's Country, the true Narnia, without dying. You, Edward and I all had a choice in coming here. We all asked to be here, wishing to be when we went through that tunnel. Our daughter, not being born here or in England, didn't have that choice, as she was still unborn. Now that she has been, I suppose, born, it's obvious what her choice is," Robert explained. Susan stared at him confusedly.

"She's just a baby. How could she make that choice?" she asked. Robert smiled and replied, "How could she not choose to be with you?" Susan smiled down at her daughter, running her finger over her nose. Robert leaned down and whispered, "You should have told me you were pregnant, love." Susan's head jerked up surprised at his words.

"I was going to. I had only just found out. Did you know?" she asked.

"Susan, do you honestly think I don't know my own wife's body? I saw the changes. I liked the changes," he said, the corner of his mouth lifting into a sly grin.

"Shh! Not in front of the baby!" she hissed, her cheeks darkening. Robert chuckled and pulled her closer, dropping a kiss on her head.

"Are you happy, love?" he whispered. Susan looked down at her new baby daughter who squirmed happily in her arms. She looked up to see her siblings, standing in the courtyard watching her and her family. Edmund had his arms wrapped around Georgie, both standing with silly grins on their faces. A familiar woman was leaning against Peter – _Laira! Susan thought_ – watching with happy smiles. Lucy stood next to Georgie, holding her hand and Edward's. Lucy and Edward both wore matching excited faces, looking as though neither could hold his or her excitement in another moment. Finally, Susan looked at her husband, taking in his warm smile and loving ocean-blue eyes. She nodded and leaned into him.

"I'm very happy," she said.

* * *

It could have been hours or merely only seconds later when Susan found herself leaning against the low wall of the garden. She stared out into the vastness, taking in its wonder. The horizon seemed to go on forever, a never-ending world filled with places she had only dreamed of. She had left the Great Hall, where she had been reunited with all her friends from the past, and the uproar that was there in honor of her return. A giggle overtook her as she remembered Edward's reaction to his new baby sister.

"_I think as a prince of Narnia, I should be able to hold her," he explained, his voice very serious. Susan smiled and instructed him on how to hold her as he sat in Susan's throne. After warnings to be careful with her head, Susan and Robert stepped back, letting their children get to know one another. "Now Lilli (as Edward had quickly nicknamed her), you're a princess now. And since I am your older brother and a prince, you will need to listen to what I tell you," he explained to his sister. Susan stifled a laugh, remembering a very similar explanation she had given to Edmund when they were younger._

Susan now shook her head at her son's antics, saying a quick prayer that Lillian had inherited her Aunt Lucy's stubbornness, knowing her daughter was in for a rough ride if she had not. _Hopefully she got some of mine as well,_ she thought, smirking at her own stubborn traits.

Susan jumped as she felt an arm wrap around her waist. Looking up, she saw Lucy standing next to her and wrapped her own arm around her younger sister.

"Your family is beautiful, Su," she said softly as she leaned her head on Susan's shoulder.

"Thank you. I'm so happy to be back with you," Susan said, leaning her head on Lucy's.

"What about us?" Edmund asked, coming up on the other side of Lucy. Peter stepped to the left of Susan and put his arm around her shoulders.

"We've missed you too, you know," he teased.

"I've missed you all so much. Life just wasn't life anymore without you," Susan whispered, her eyes glazing over with tears.

"Oh, Susan… stop that," Edmund groaned.

"Oh, shut it, Ed. I'll cry all I want," Susan laughed.

"Oh! It's so good to have you home!" Lucy squealed, wrapping her arms around Susan.

"It's good to be home, to finally feel like there is a home," Susan said softly. The four stood against the wall, arms wrapped around each other, staring at their home, their kingdom.

Breaking the comfortable silence, Peter said, "Now that you're here, it's finally home. For all of us. Without you, Narnia hasn't truly been home yet."

Susan smiled and whispered, "As long as we're together, we're home."


End file.
